But when she sneaks slices of her own cheese into a burger, it’s more than just a clever hack—it’s a bold stand for her happiness and autonomy. His embarrassment and anger reveal deeper tensions, as their conflicting views on money and respect threaten to unravel the delicate balance of their love.
So my (28F) boyfriend (30M) has this thing about not spending money on what he calls “unnecessary charges” at restaurants. He refuses to pay extra for anything…. guac, sauce, cheese, you name it.
He says it’s a “scam” and that restaurants “prey on people” by charging for extras.
Which… fine. Live your truth. But I love cheese. LOVE it. And there’s this burger spot we go to where adding cheese costs $3.50. He always makes a big deal about how it’s a ripoff and pressures me not to get it.
I usually cave to avoid comfrontation.
But this time, I decided to be smart. Before we left so I put a couple of slices of my own cheese in my purse. When my burger arrived, I casually took them out and put them on the patty.
My boyfriend looked horrified. He asked me what the hell I was doing, and I said, “Saving $3.50.” He got so embarrassed, saying I was making him look bad and that it was “tacky” and “disrespectful to the restaurant.” I reminded him that he’s the one who refuses to pay for cheese, so what’s the problem?
Now he’s upset, saying I “should have just gone without” and that I “made a scene.” But literally no one noticed except him. He thinks I humiliated him, but I think he set himself up for this by making such a big deal about cheese in the first place.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced significant frustration due to her boyfriend’s rigid stance against paying small extra charges, leading her to take an unconventional step—bringing her own cheese to a restaurant to avoid a perceived financial ‘scam.’ This action immediately escalated the underlying disagreement from a financial disagreement into a public conflict about behavior, embarrassment, and control within the relationship.
Was the OP justified in circumventing her boyfriend’s rules by smuggling in cheese to assert her preference, or did her action indeed create an unnecessary scene that disrespected his boundaries regarding public behavior? Where should the line be drawn between personal financial philosophy and the comfort level of a partner in a shared social setting?
Here’s how people reacted:
However, there is a large problem with this in terms of your boyfriend. I know it seems like such a minuscule thing, but the fact that he isn’t willing to pay a small upcharge (anywhere) to make YOUR meal more enjoyable and make you happy, is a major red flag. This is only going to translate into larger issues as the relationship moves on. Money is replaceable and if he won’t sacrifice a few dollars, he definitely won’t sacrifice much for you in general. He also is invalidating your feelings and seems to want to cause issues either way. I don’t know how long you guys have been together and I know it’s hard to think this way, but you guys need to have a serious conversation about this. If he isn’t willing to change, you need to strongly consider leaving him. I hope this helps you out a bit, and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
People can have views. They can have opinions. But they stop being decent, literally and fundamentally, as soon as they adopt the position that everyone should hold their views.
*You* get to decide what extra cheese is worth to you. Not him. If you pay 3.50 and think “damn, money well spent” then you didn’t get ripped off, did you?
But that’s not valid to him because it’s not what he thinks. Let him think that shit alone. He’s straight up not mature enough for any relationship.
NTA
Your boyfriend is a giant tool though.
And for the record I actually agree that $3.50 for cheese is a complete scam. But yeah if it was actually about the money he wouldve found you bringing your own cheese hilarious.
But nah, in one breath he goes off about the restaurant upcharging and in the next he chastises you for disrespecting the restaurant? He’s a tool and that’s all there is to it.
You: “honey the baby has 104 fever”
Him: “ so give him/her an aspirin “
You “they need a Dr”.
Him “no they don’t “
That’s how I see your life going with this douche
Run now.
Normally bringing your own food to a restaurant would make you an asshole but in this case, I’m ok with it (as long as it was once to prove to him he’s a tightwad). NTA
Yes, bringing in outside food to eat at a restaurant is not an okay thing to do.
Giving you hell for ordering a burger with cheese? Exerting such coercion that you “cave” to avoid a fight? His entitlement to think it is okay to control you? Waaayyyy worse.
You don’t marry a man who won’t allow you to order extra cheese.
You marry a man who orders you EXTRA cheese without you even asking because he knows you want it.
You deserve all the cheese even if it’s absolutely a rip off
He sounds insufferable.
Cheapskates get no opinion on you bringing your own cheese. YOU did not humiliate him. He did that on his own.
You’re wrong, for the right reasons.
NTA, BUT YOURE TACKY AF
Has nothing to do with the cost, it has to do with control.