AITA for not telling my ex wife that my fiancé is pregnant?

The echoes of a shattered marriage lingered in the silence between them, a decade after their divorce. What began as a hopeful journey to build a family was slowly poisoned by heartbreak and betrayal, leaving wounds deeper than any infertility struggle could cause. Their shared dreams of parenthood were eclipsed by a painful truth: the trust they once held was irrevocably broken.

In the aftermath, he grappled with a storm of emotions—hurt, anger, and a profound sense of loss. The woman he once loved had sought solace in another, turning a private pain into a public fracture. Their story was no longer about love or hope, but about the devastating cost of broken promises and the unbearable weight of emotional survival.

AITA for not telling my ex wife that my fiancé is pregnant?

My ex wife Carly (39F) and I (40M) got divorced 10 years ago. We had been married for 4 years, together for a total of 9 years. About 2 years into our marriage, we started trying to a baby but no luck.

We went to fertility doctors after the first year of trying and the doctor said there isn’t anything wrong with either of us.

We continued trying but still no luck. Around the 1 and half year mark of trying, a coworker of Carlys got in contact with me to tell me he had been sleeping with her and didn’t know she was married.

I confronted her about it and she didn’t deny it. She said the pressure of trying to conceive was making her depressed and the coworker was a welcomed distraction. She said the affair was about 5 months.

I thought about staying with her and giving it another chance but I really couldn’t even stand looking at her. Being near her made me sick and I didn’t want to be with someone who turns to someone else when they’re having a hard time.

So we got a divorce.

I took a job in another city and moved. I met my now fiancé (Mary) 3 years ago. I proposed to her a year ago and we found out we’re expecting 5 months ago.

I don’t use social media much, but Mary does quite a bit. She posted photos of her bump and the sonogram on her Instagram and Facebook. Carly either heard from someone in my hometown or saw Mary’s posts but she called me.

She called with a number I didn’t have saved so I didn’t know it was her and picked up. She started off nice and was just asking how I was. She then asked why I didn’t just call her and tell her myself so she wouldn’t have to find out from someone else.

I asked her why it’s any of her business and it started a bit of an argument. She hung up after a while.

Our mutual friends said I should’ve told her because it was very hard on her that we weren’t able to conceive when we tried and it can’t be easy for her watching me have a baby with someone else.

If Im being honest, I don’t see why I had to reach out to tell her that. We got divorced a decade ago, we don’t live in the same city so it’s not like she’ll have to bump into Mary and I, we’re not friends, our marriage ended very badly.

Am I missing something here? AITAH?

Here’s how people reacted:

Putt3rJi

I’f you’re the bad guy for not telling her, just imagine the reaction if you’d called her for the first time In years JUST to tell her that you and your fiancé were able to do what the two of you weren’t.

You’d be accused of rubbing it in her face and being needlessly cruel.

It goes without saying that it’s none of her business whatsoever, I doubt it even crossed your mind. But if there was a tell her / don’t tell her decision point, not telling her was absolutely the right thing to do.

ConvivialKat

NTA

It’s hard to think that anything could be more absurd than the thought someone you divorced a decade ago for cheating on you believed she had the right to call you at all about anything, much less your current relationship.

But, I was wrong. Because along came your “friends” claiming you should have told her. That absurdity outshines even your ex-wife’s absurd behavior. Why are you even referring to these morons as your friends?

Champi_Feuille

So lemme get this straight. She’s your ex-wife, she cheated on you, you divorced, you don’t want to talk to her anymore and you had no news from her.

And you’re supposed to tell her that your fiancé is pregnant? Either I missed that part or, as I think, it’s none of her business at all.

NTA and tell her to pound sand – and to stop stalking your fiancé on social medias. It’s creepy as heck.

lightfourm

Nta; if she cared enough, she would’ve tried for longer than a year instead of going to fucking some random dude. Also it’s 10 years later she should be happy that you’re willing to communicate wit her about personal info. She wouldn’t put in the effort to talk to you for 10 years, but the second that she could have some jealousy towards you and your partner she does.

One-Confidence-6858

Where the Hell were these friends when she was cheating on you and not telling you? Not that it’s any of her business, but she set the precedent for not telling each other things when her AP broke the news about the affair. NTA. Congratulations on the baby.

kyle-and-karens-kid

It’s been 10 years. If my ex husband called me ten years after our divorce to tell me he had a child with someone else when we couldn’t I would assume it was both malicious and creepy. Why would I care what my ex husband is doing after 10 years?

NTA

Unlucky-Beautiful-90

NTA as it has been several years. There is also a world where she might take it as rubbing it in to tell her that you are expecting. The fertility doctors said that both of your parts were in good working order. You didn’t know where anything.

pepper_amore

It’s been a decade …you moved on after she cheated on you…. remarried and now your wife is pregnant…. Which makes you the asshole IN WHAT DIMENSION PRECISELY????? why is your ex-wife entitled to your life’s updates??

NTA!

dataslinger

>Our mutual friends said I should’ve told her

You mutual friends are so far out of line. You don’t even talk to your ex. This is a crazy take on their part. Who keeps cheating exes updated on their life events?

NTA

professorfunkenpunk

NTA if you don’t have kids together (and clearly you don’t) there is pretty much no obligation to inform your ex about anything you’re up to, especially after ten years and a move

SchoolJunkie009

NTA – and it sounds like a good thing she is out of the picture, but those friends who push your business into her should either quit or not be yours or your exes friends anymore

jfcmfer

Now that you mention it, I’m pretty upset you didn’t tell me about the baby too. I’m just supposed to find out on a reddit post?

mak_zaddy

Carly needs therapy and if you know the person who told her, block them.

You don’t owe her anything.

Congrats!

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is facing conflict because his ex-wife, Carly, believes she deserved to be informed personally about his pregnancy, while the OP feels that their decade-old, acrimonious divorce negates any obligation to share personal news.

Given the finality of the divorce, the infidelity that caused it, and the lack of current relationship, is the OP justified in maintaining complete silence, or do shared past struggles, like infertility, create a residual duty to inform an ex-spouse about major life events like expecting a child?