Years later, fate demanded she face the boy she never expected to love. When tragedy struck and the son came knocking, she embraced the unexpected bond with a fragile strength, finding friendship where family was once a distant concept. Now, as the past resurfaces with a simple request for help, she stands at the crossroads of duty and resentment, ready to rewrite the story she never planned to live.
I never wanted kids. The idea of family is very suffocating to me and I was never willing to date a man with children. When i met my husband he said he didn’t have any and didn’t want any.
A year later when he was drinking he admitted that he had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18 and begged her to abort but she hadn’t wanted to so he had a son who he had never met and he had signed away his parental rights.
I was annoyed that he lied but I 100% believe that men have the right to walk away.
When my stepson was sixteen his mother passed away and he found my husband’s contact information from an old friend. I completely supported my husband taking him and stepping up, and I actually really liked him.
We have a good friendship, but obviously he doesn’t view me as a parent. He married the most annoying woman ever and they have three children.
He recently asked if we would be able to babysit overnight so they could go to a wedding. My husband agreed and I reminded everyone I don’t babysit. My husband said it would be fine and I didn’t need to help.
Well that lasted about ten minutes, because my husband does not know what to do with children and was begging for me to help. His DIL gave him a list of rules and things they aren’t allowed to eat, so he was in a pissy mood over that and once the kids actually started running around and making noise he couldn’t handle it and expected me to step in.
Well I didn’t. I’m actually a terrible person and let them have water guns, so my husband ended up throwing a tantrum and locking himself in the bedroom. I did make sure the children didn’t die, but like I stated to everyone involved, I do not babysit.
They got into food they weren’t supposed to have (no allergies) and didn’t sleep at all, but they are alive. DIL is furious with me, because I’m the woman and I am apparently responsible, and my husband is off sulking.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) established a clear boundary against ever wanting or caring for children, a boundary that was initially respected but complicated by the late arrival of a stepson. Despite loving the stepson, the OP refused to participate in childcare when asked to babysit overnight, leading to significant conflict with her husband who expected her compliance.
Does the OP have a responsibility to assist her husband with his biological son’s children when she explicitly stated she does not parent, or is her refusal to engage in childcare entirely justified by her long-held personal boundary, regardless of the familial relationship?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’m not even slightly surprised your husband bailed out after 10 minutes. He bailed out on his pregnant teenage girlfriend, bailed out on his own son for 16 years, bailed out on being truthful to you about something as major as having a biological offspring out in the world. Sure, he didn’t turn the son away when the son needed it and for that he does get major points, but his history of running away and hiding does exist and you should all be aware enough of that not to put yourselves and children in this situation to begin with.
Instead of being there as a placeholder and using the opportunity to prove a point to your husband, your SIL and DIL, you should have immediately contacted the parents of the children to let them know that the children they are legally and emotionally bonded to and responsible for are not being taken care of the way they wish for them to be, so that they could have a chance of finding a last minute option that suited everybody better.
If you know you’re not gonna qualify for an essential job, don’t take up the position at all.
Edit: thank you for the award!
>Well that lasted about ten minutes, because my husband does not know what to do with children and was begging for me to help
>so my husband ended up throwing a tantrum and locking himself in the bedroom.
*Looks at the camera, sighs and rolls eyes*
>DIL is furious with me, because I’m the woman and I am apparently responsible, and my husband is off sulking.
I think you can have a “I TOLD YOU” moment here, I’m pissed your husband basically offered himself to babysit and ran out like a chicken so you are now responsible for his screw up??
If they suggest or want you to babysit tell DIL to gtf off bcs honestly being blamed for someone’s else fault sucks.
Your husband’s DIL needs to be more realistic with her expectations for a baby sitter. If she had Gwen, then things probably would have gone more smoothly.
However…
Your husband should have stepped up to the plate and done a better job baby sitting. Locking himself in the bedroom is beyond irresponsible and DIL should be pissed about that.
But you, well, you’ve seemed to make your distaste of children into your primary personality trait and yeah, that does make you TA.
Would it have killed you to try to actually interact with these kids for two days?
I mean, eh, I’m going with NTA. You made your boundaries clear from the start. I just think…Idk…Family should help other family out with tasks like these. I guess that seems like it should be a given to me, but even so, you said you didn’t want any parts of this, and they weren’t your responsibility so…
Your DIL is TA for being furious with you simply because you are the woman here. Without knowing the details of her “no-no list,” I can’t say much on that.
They are all the assholes here, especially your husband. Does he not even know you by now?!
How sexist of them to assume you would help just because you are a woman!
Don’t fight over it. State once again what you stated originally (“I don’t babysit!”) and let it go!
Seriously though what grown man locks themselves in a room after volunteering to babysit?! That should be the real question here.
You made things worse and harder when you absolutely didn’t have to. You are an adult. Act like it. It wouldn’t have killed you to not give them water guns. You could have not helped – and you also did not have to make everything harder.
Water guns? No sleep? Really?
But I hate to break it to you, with your honesty, dry sense of humor, common sense and willingness to let them play but not die, you’re gonna be the favorite adult in these kids lives and they’re going to adore you lol.
Your husband agreed to babysit and then locked himself in the bedroom. All anger (yours and DIL’s) should be directed to him.