Amidst the pressure of A-levels and the hope of a future in medicine, she battles not only academic rigor but the emotional weight of feeling like an outsider in her own home. Her courage to pursue her dreams shines brightest against the shadow of unfairness and unspoken resentments.
I had my 18th birthday 3 days ago. On the day after my birthday my step dad told me he wants me to start paying rent to “live in his house”. My step dad is quite Christian and conservative.
I don’t except to live rent free forever but I know my step dad is coming from a spiteful place. He and my mum have 2 kids in 9 years of marriage, I’m not his own and it’s clear I’m a reminder that his wife was a non-virgin divorced woman before him so of course I’m being treated like a guest and my mum is allowing it because she thinks the sun shines out of his ass.
He doesn’t need my money to pay rent, plus I don’t have much and he wants £100 per month. We still have lots of time for this but I bet his own kids won’t be paying rent while they’re in school.
My A level exams (uk school system) start mid April and last up to July. I’m doing STEM subjects and I’m hoping to fulfil my offer for a medicine course at a good university. I’m aiming for A* A* A* A which will take a lot of studying, and if I have to get a job it will be difficult to maintain that level of studying that I need to do.
So it honestly just feels vindictive, and it’s not like I’m unproductive. I’m trying to save the money I had left from my last job for when I move out too and paying my step dad £800 when he doesn’t need it feels spiteful and like he’s punishing me and making my life harder for being born.
Basically my aunt (mums sister) who isn’t fond of him said he’s being ridiculous and told me to come live with her. Her house is an hour away but my school is in the middle (30 mins each way if that makes sense).
She said she has a guest room free so I can save my money for uni. This benefits me most so I took her up on the offer.
My mother keeps crying that I’m leaving already, so my step dad is annoyed. We got into an argument where he said he’s just treating me like a tenant to prepare me for the real world, so I said “do tenants not have the right to leave?” Which annoyed him further.
My step dad says im hurting my mother and taking resources from my aunt because im “too entitled” to pay rent. This is just what’s best for me. I said I’d visit. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels targeted by their step-father’s demand for rent, viewing it as spiteful punishment rather than a genuine financial necessity, especially given the impending high-stakes university entrance exams. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need to focus on education and the step-father’s expectation of immediate financial contribution and adult responsibility within the home.
Given the step-father’s stated goal of preparing the OP for independence versus the OP’s immediate academic needs and the availability of an alternative, supportive living situation, the core question remains: Is demanding immediate rent from a dependent student during final exam preparation a valid act of preparing them for the ‘real world,’ or does it cross the line into punitive behavior that sabotages their future opportunities?
Here’s how people reacted:
Tell your mom you don’t want her to be sad and you don’t want to leave. But you are trying to save for school and paying £800 to live for the next 8 months is not something you can do- you don’t have the time to study AND work; it’s better to invest your time in studying so you can get a good career and good income. Tell her no matter what stepdad’s excuses are, you’re very aware of how the real world works, and in the real world acing your exam, getting scholarships, and getting a good degree will help you a LOT more than some ‘tough love’ life lesson that leaves you with worse grades and a worse education. And while you wish she’d stand up for you, you understand she’s in a tough spot and wants to keep the peace in her new family. So she’s doing what’s right for her, you gotta do what’s right for you. That’s just how life works. You’ll always love her and she’s always your mom, and you’ll see her when you can.
Then turn around and leave and go live with your aunt and fucking ace that exam and have a great career. And when you get your degree and career, you can look back at your stepdad and be glad you’re not a small petty man like he is.
Your stepdad tried to flex on you…and his powerplay backfired.
Your mother may be crying, but she LET HIM DO IT. That house is half hers, and so is the decision to charge you rent. She is not blameless here.
Your aunt’s “resources” are none of your stepdad’s F’ing business.
OP, move out without another guilt pang, okay? Work hard to **crush your exams**, and be super-considerate and make yourself very useful in your aunt’s household (shovel the walk, do dishes, walk the dog, whatever is needed — and if you don’t know, ASK).
Please don’t come back to this house to visit if your stepdad is home. Ever. Your mom can darn well find her way to your aunt’s house, WITHOUT Mister Flex on her arm.
God bless your aunt for sheltering you from stepdad and his nonsense! And don’t feel obliged to invite him to your graduations, either.
You plan to study medicine, it’s hardcore and you need an environment where you can knuckle down and focus, and this nonsense with your stepdad is a distraction. Move, visit your mum as you promised, and disregard what your AH stepdad say. Put all your attention on your degree cos you will need it. I have friends who are GPS and doctors and the seven years of studying was tough and you need to focus on that.
Hmmm which choice is better? Pay £800 for rent instead of saving for college and your own place or staying with your aunt rent free so you can save for your own place and college?
Obviously, the latter choice.
>My step dad is quite Christian and conservative
Can’t be if he was willing to date a woman who had a divorce in the past. Your step-dad IS doing this out of spite. This is pretty much like parents kicking their child out of the house the moment they turn 18
>I said do tenants not have the right to leave
Yes, yes they do. I honestly wonder if he will give this same treatment when his other two kids become 18, will he treat them like tenants as well or will he just expose his favoritism?
1 Timothy 5:8 ESV
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
I’ll probably get knocked for this, but FYI this comment is coming from a fellow traditional Christian parent.
You’re not the one upsetting your mum, your step dad is. You’re just being pragmatic and finding a solution to the problem he caused. He’s a jerk for making you pay rent when you’re still at college (A levels are brutal).
Your mum is a jerk for letting him treat you badly, and then being upset when you find a solution.
Try not to fall out with your family, but ultimately you’ve got to do what’s best for you and your long term goals.
If after you told them you would leave their only reaction is blaming you instead of proposing to not make you pay rent says a lot about how much they care about keeping you there.
NTA. Stepfather kinda is because he probably already spent your rent. And I just don’t care.
Step-dad is an ass, and your mom is pure evil for not standing up for you.
There’s an old saying “a life well lived is the best revenge.”
Go forth, and to hell with step-dad.