Meanwhile, he sits beside a friend who unsettles her, a reminder of the fragile balance they maintain between loyalty and respect. In the small space of their home, tension lingers unspoken, as love and discomfort collide in the shadows of exhaustion and trust.
So, I 28M have a wife 27F who works full time as a CNA while she is in school to become an autopsy technician. She works a LOT. She is constantly picking up extra shifts working doubles and even triples.
She does all that on top of going to school full time. Because of that she often takes a nap after work. Well yesterday, I had a friend over who I will call E. My wife and E do not get along as E makes her uncomfortable but she and I don’t prevent one and other from seeing friends just because one of us doesn’t like the others friend.
E was over at mine and my wife’s house playing video games when my wife calls to tell me she’s on her way home from work.
She sounds exhausted and I asked her if she felt ok to drive and if not I’d come pick her up from work and go back together the car later. She says she’s fine to drive and that she’ll see me later.
I said ok and told her I loved her. E and I go back to playing video games. It is worth mentioning that the only tv my wife and I have is in our bedroom. I was laying on the bed playing And E was sitting in my desk chair.
About 15 minutes or so later I hear my wife come in the house and call out to let me know she was home.
I come into the living room and give her a kiss. She all but collapses into my arms exhausted to the point she couldn’t even walk to the bedroom. I ask her if she’s ok and she says is yea just a long day at work.
I really need a nap. I nodded and told her to come lay down in the bed. When we get to the bedroom I politely tell E that he needed to leave as my wife was exhausted and we could play later that night.
E asks why he needs to leave and why my wife can’t just sleep while he and I keep playing. I explained that it was just a game and that my wife and her needs came first. E then asks why my wife couldn’t just take a nap on our living room couch.
I told him I wasn’t making her sleep on the sofa just because he wanted to keep playing. E gets pissed and slammed his controller down on the dresser and goes to leave. Before he does, he turns to my wife and tells her I’ll bet your happy he always feels like he has to pick you over anyone else.
He leaves and slams the door on the way out. My wife turns to me and starts to apologize saying she could have just slept on the couch. I tell her no she couldn’t have and tell her to get some rest.
Later that night my other friends are blowing up my phone saying things along the lines of bros before hoes and saying it was rude to kick e out just so my wife could sleep. All of my married friends however are on my side saying my wife’s needs come first before my friends.
E is now saying he won’t speak to me until I apologize. So am I the asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) prioritized his wife’s immediate, physical need for rest after an extremely demanding work schedule over maintaining social comfort for his friend. This created a conflict where the OP upheld his commitment to his wife’s well-being within the marriage, while his friend and other acquaintances felt slighted by the abrupt termination of their social activity.
Was the OP correct to prioritize his exhausted wife’s need for the dedicated, private space of their marital bed over his friend’s desire to continue playing video games in the same space? Or did this action demonstrate an unfair imposition on his friend, warranting an apology to maintain the friendship?
Here’s how people reacted:
Why do you want to be friends with someone who is so happy to disrespect your marriage?
So E isn’t speaking to you. So what? Is acting entitled to your time, home and console the sign of a good friend? Because I don’t think so.
He’d be thrilled if you ruined your marriage by neglecting your wife’s needs. That’s not the sign of a good friend either.
Of course your wife is never going to say “don’t be friends with that person” but I think you should take a step back and ask yourself what you believe constitutes a good friend. There’s every chance you may find E just doesn’t meet those expectations.
12.
Video games in bedrooms and throwing tantrums because you’ve been asked to stop
Dude, your wife is 100% right about E. And if your other friends are backing him up, then I bet she is right about them too.
Dude, you’re hanging out with childish LOSERS!
I’m surprised your wife tolerated it this long.
you will be an asshole if you don’t ditch those losers. You’re a married man that’s nearly 30!
But in answer to your question, NTA
Your friend E however is just about the biggest asshole there ever was.
He should get his own TV and gaming console if he wants to play unlimited games whenever he wants, otherwise he should be thankful for the time he does get to play in others spaces.
And cut anyone who referred to your wife as a ho out of your life. By your age people should be acting like grownups, not teens.
Please continue being a good husband/partner. Being any sort of healthcare worker right now is exhausting.
NTA