Caught between loyalty to family and the limits of their relationship, her husband’s sacrifices went unseen, his frustration boiling over in desperate pleas and angry outbursts. Yet, in the quiet moments of defiance, she held onto her conviction, unwilling to let his impatience dictate the terms of their shared life. Their story is one of conflicting needs, where love is tested by the harsh reality of boundaries and unmet expectations.
My husband (35) does not have a car. He sold his old one to help pay for his brother’s wedding. I did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it’s a shared property.
besides that I have my own car so that did not affect me til my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places. He tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but I stood firm and put a boundary making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is).
His brother lives out of town. My husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but I refused but not because I’m not imvited (another story for another day) buy because like I said my car is off limits.
He threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours. I said it wasn’t my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it.
The day that he was supposed to travel out of town. I woke at 10am and couldn’t find my car key. I went outside and couldn’t find my car either. I was beyond pissed. I called him and like I expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town.
I lost it and told him I gave him no permission to take it for whole 5 days and said that if he won’t turn around with it and come home then I’d call the cops and report it missing.
His response was “You wouldn’t dare do it cause you know what would happen” I hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation. I did NOT tell them my husband took it because they’d think it’s a family dispute and decide to not get involved.
I just reported it missing.
2 hours later I got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station. I went to the station and talked to the cops. My husband made a scene there swearing over and over that I gave him permission to take it and said I was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attent a wedding that I was not invited to.
I took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer.
He came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how I created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother’s wedding. He called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car.
He had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extent his stay and he still hasn’t gotten back yet.
Right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful.
Conclusion
The original poster established a clear boundary regarding the use of her car, yet her husband violated this boundary by taking the vehicle without permission for an extended trip, leading to a severe escalation when she reported the car as missing. The central conflict rests on the husband’s disregard for the established boundary versus the intense emotional distress and potential legal consequences he faced due to the OP’s firm enforcement action.
When a personal boundary is deliberately crossed, is reporting the unauthorized use of property to the authorities a justified act of self-protection, or does the existing spousal relationship mandate a less severe, non-legal response, even when a prior agreement was broken?
Here’s how people reacted:
It doesn’t matter that you two are married, he stole your car knowing you didn’t want him driving it.
He chose to sell his car to pay for his brother’s wedding therefore it was his responsibility to ensure he had the means to make it there without involving you.
Some of you are forgetting that the car is in OP’s name which would likely include the insurance. Her husband gets in an accident, it is going to be her paying and dealing with the cost and higher insurance on top of the issue of him not being allowed to drive it in the first place. She has also said he is a bad driver hence the reason she doesn’t want him in it in the first place and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and I doubt many would want to take that risk when it is something as expensive as a car.
She also didn’t waste police time since he did commit a crime. Consent and permission is a thing and he had none and took her car. There no *asterisk with such things because you know each other.
I… I don’t even know where to begin. What in the Jerry Springer dysfunctional relationship is going on with you two?
Your husband is the AH for his entitled attitude and his refusal to take responsibility. You’re the AH for deciding to escalate this well beyond what was necessary, for intentionally lying by omission to police to make it worse, and for somehow not understanding why that was 100% wrong.
You both have a lot of growing up to do.
Have either of you heard of car rental? If you were a partnership like a marriage should be, you could have just rented him a car for the wedding and both been happy. Heck, if you had a good thing going, you would have been invited to your brother-in-law’s wedding. But both of you are horrible toxic people and neither of you should be in any sort of relationship until you figure out what teamwork looks like.
But I get the feeling that there is a lot more going on here. Your husband sold his car to help pay for his brother’s wedding? Even though he needed it to commute? Is your husband prone to making bad decisions?
ANd he paid for his brother’s wedding, even though you, his wife were not invited to it? I’m sorry, but what kind of marriage is this?
Your car is *completely* off limits? He took the car for *5 days* anyways? So you called the fucking cops on him?
You both suck. You might be married but you don’t sound like life partners.
Edit: People, thank you for the awards, but save them for another Redditor who needs a pick-me-up.