In the fragile space where siblings meet as adults, the presence of a child and a dog became symbolic battlegrounds for acceptance and respect. What should have been a season of joy instead became a crucible, exposing how even the closest families can struggle to bridge the widening gaps of change and personal boundaries.
Last week I hosted Christmas for my family. I (33M) have a 2 year with my wife. Every year its at my sister, parents, or my house and it rotates every year. One of us hosts Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years.
In the last year my sister, who is vocally child free, got a dog. I love my sister, but we are very much opposites. When I had my kid it changed our relationship a bit. She tolerates (her words) my son.
She has never watched him, i’ve also never asked. My son is present at all family functions, this annoys my sister.
My sister has turned into your classic dog mom. World revolves around the dog type. I do not own dogs, and really don’t want to be around them. I don’t want them in my house. Well my sister wanted to bring her dog to Christmas, and I said no.
Its well trained and overall okay for a dog, I just didn’t want it at my house, or even my yard. She complied and left it alone but was not happy about and let me know that several times.
The day before New Years Eve, she told me kids weren’t welcome at her house. I was taken back by this and asked why. She just said alcohol would be present (we all drink and family friends also come to this party), and just said it wouldn’t be appropriate for a 2 year old to be present.
My wife and I had planned to only stay till 10 anyway and then would go home because of our kid. We reconsidered and opted to not go at all and respected my sisters wishes by keeping the kid at home.
I let her know a half hour before the party started.
Wife and I treated it like any other night, we didn’t even stay up till midnight. By Eleven, I noticed missed calls from her, and didn’t answer. Fell asleep while texts started coming in.
Calling me an asshole. Calling me a dog hater. Saying it was rude I didn’t come to the party. Said it was bullshit that she got my kid a Christmas present but didn’t get her dog anything.
The list went on, she was clearly drunk. I tried to call her, she didn’t answer and got a text, “I’m not answering asshole”. So AITA here?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a conflict stemming from differing family expectations regarding children and pets during holiday gatherings. The OP asserted their boundary against having a dog in their home for Christmas, and subsequently chose not to attend their sister’s New Year’s Eve party after the sister excluded the OP’s two-year-old child. This decision led to significant emotional backlash from the sister, who felt slighted by the OP’s absence and priorities.
The core question is whether the OP was justified in prioritizing their established comfort levels (no dogs) and subsequent attendance decision based on the sister’s exclusion of their child, or if the sister’s hosting rights and the prior gift-giving created an obligation to attend despite the new restrictions. Should hosts always have absolute control over guest lists, even if it means excluding young children from family events?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’m “child free” with my partner and while we kind of give each other looks at the grocery store when there’s a screaming kid, we would never go out of our way to antagonize our family with children. We get to be the fun party aunts who give awesome presents without the responsibility of actually raising a child. We also call our cats our “kids” but we also know that it’s not in any way a replacement or anywhere CLOSE to an actual child.
Your sister has a lot of issues that I don’t think you’re equipped to handle. *puts on my armchair psychology glasses* something tells me she might be jealous of the fact that you get the attention of parents having a young child, and she tried to get that same kind of attention by getting a dog, and is now super pissed that people don’t treat her dog like a human child.
Even if you wanted to go, how the Hell were you supposed to get a babysitter the day before NYE? She knew exactly what she was doing.
EDIT: BTW, on the subject of a gift for her dog, we have two kids and two dogs. My wife and I get small Christmas gifts for our dogs, but no one else does (grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc). We don’t expect them to get anything for our fur babies either.
Dogs and children are not the same. You can leave a dog at home safely. Do that with a kid and you go to jail for child endangerment.
I say this as a kid and dog lover.
She was testing you and wanted you to protest when she said that her nephew wasn’t welcome. You didn’t take the bait and she ironically threw a toddler sized tantrum.
Good for you and your wife for not arguing, complying, and staying home.
The only misstep is that you called her back, should’ve just ignored it.
I would leave it alone, this is a her problem not a you problem and no you didn’t need to get her dog a gift. I rolled my eyes at that one. Lol
She obeyed your no dogs rule, and you obeyed her no kids rule. So far so good. But she shouldn’t have called you to give a drunken angry rant and it would have been polite of you to tell her that you wouldn’t be coming earlier as that probably messed up some of her party planning.
I’ll probably get some hate from some ‘pet parents’ here but kids and pets are just not the same.
If you don’t want the dog at your house, those are the rules.
If her next move is to ban your child from her house, great, you never need to go there again.
She can leave her dog home alone. You can’t leave a two-year-old home alone. Comparing a child and a pet is comparing apples and oranges.
There’s no way your sister could realistically expect you to find a babysitter on such short notice. Sure, you were petty by only telling her you weren’t going right before the party, but she started that game.
You want dog free.
She wants kid free!
That’s fair!
She went typical fur baby mum!!!! So is acting the way someone who loves something that is dependent on them acts?
She is allowed tk love her dog. Plus you say the dog is well trained and doesn’t act up!
You sound so condescending!
And she is playing your game.
But:
1. Dog is not a human child.
2. I don’t take my dog to someone’s house unless they’re comfortable with it.
3. I’ve never asked people to get my dog a present.
I know this must have been super unpleasant to deal with, but it cracked me up. Your sister sounds … difficult. NTA
You made the right call.
Enjoy the high road right now. Let her apologize. That’s just disgusting behaviour from an adult.