Her fiancé’s sudden shift, driven by his brother’s infertility struggles, turned her inheritance into a battleground. What was meant to be hers to grieve and decide over became a demand, a cruel test of loyalty and generosity. The pain of losing her mother was now tangled with betrayal and conflict, shaking the foundation of their relationship to its core.
I f32 have recently inherited money from my mom. she was only parent and losing her is beyond devastating. The money can barely be called inheritance because my mom and her family didn’t have much but it’s better than nothing.
my fiance at first said I deserved it and have the right to do whatever I wanted with it.
However, he told his whole family about and then his infertile brother and his wife pulled him aside for a conversation. After that he started talking about “wanting/needing” a nephew/niece.
basically hinting about his brother’s infertility issues then flatout requested that I pay for his brother and wife’s IVF treatment from my inheritence money. I was taken aback initially but then I declined.
He got mad saying I was selfish because (1) He & I are blessed to never have issues with fertility. and (2) I literally have nothing to lose if I give them money….”easy money” that I didn’t work for.
This upset me to the point where I lashed oit at him telling him to stop bothering and guilting me about it.
I denied the request as a final decision. but he got more agitated and went on a campaign to shame me for treating him as if he’s not my future husband therefor gets say/right to my inheritance.
and not giving a single crap about his family’s issues.
Conclusion
The original poster is facing significant emotional distress due to the recent loss of their mother and the subsequent financial inheritance, which has become a point of conflict with their fiancé. The central issue is the fiancé’s insistent demand that the inheritance be used for his brother’s IVF treatments, directly contradicting the OP’s right to manage their personal funds and their emotional need to honor their mother’s memory privately.
Is the fiancé justified in pressuring his partner to use her private inheritance for his family’s medical needs, especially after initial agreement, or does the OP have absolute autonomy over funds inherited from a deceased parent, regardless of the family’s requests?
Here’s how people reacted:
INFO: do the two of you already have children? If you do not; why is this man so sure the two of you won’t have fertility issues? If you have children why wouldn’t this money come in handy for your immediate family?
This man is your fiance’ not your husband, I’m not saying this to mean that if he were your husband his family would have a right to your $ but simply that you are not married, and it is much easier to break off the relationship (if you have kids it’s more difficult but still worth considering). This too isn’t about the money- it’s about the fact that this man (and his family) do not respect you, and feel that you have no say in your own life. You are not married yet he feels entitled to tell you what to do, and he’s trying to shame and bully you into doing it.
THAT is what your life would be, and those people who agree with him would be your in-laws.
Run.
Your fiance thought it was okay to discuss the details of your money with his family.
Your fiance’s family thought it was acceptable to ask him (not even talk to you) for your money.
Your fiance thought it was okay to ask you for your money.
Your fiance turned to guilt and manipulation when you said no.
These are all enormous red flags. You’re in mourning for your mother. Your fiance should be supporting you through your grief, not putting his hand out. And him trying to shame you, now, is especially awful.
Don’t do anything with your inheritance at all while you process your grief. Keep it in a safe account in just your name. Reconsider making any plans to marry someone who would treat you so poorly.
I’m sorry for your loss.
“At first he said I have the right to do whatever I wanted with it” This tells me that he thinks he needs to grant you permission to do things. HUGE red flag.
Him speaking so insensitively about your mother’s passing, nothing is “easy” about that, is another red flag. He’s dismissing your experiences completely.
Him putting his family’s needs/wants before yours – RED FLAG
Even asking you to do this is over the line but shaming you for not giving in – RED FLAG
Please, please, please rethink this marriage.
ETA I’m very sorry for your loss. I’ve also experienced the loss of a parent and while it’s nice to get something for me it just made me feel sick. I kept a Cheque at the bottom of my bag for months before my mom made me deposit it. Any purchases feel like they need to be important and very well thought out because it’s what your parent worked for their whole life & you don’t want to waste it.
If my spouse asked me to just… give it away? As if it’s ‘free money’ I’d be livid.
He is showing you your future. Is this what you really want? I’d ditch him and find somebody who won’t treat you this way.
He doesn’t “need” a niece/nephew. He might want one but it isn’t a need. His brother and sister-in-law need to figure out how to pay for IVF on their own. How would they intend to pay for a child?
Put your inheritance money into an account somewhere that your fiancee cannot touch. Or else, it will magically disappear and his brother & his wife will be getting IVF.
He already wants to exert some control over you and your money. Why is he divulging your personal matters to his family? No discretion there. Him and all of them are moochers and entitled to see you as an ATM to solve their money troubles. Plus, he resorted to call you ‘selfish’ when you disagreed then he took claim over your fertility. What’s that all about?
Tell him to go kick rocks. Problem solved.
Do what you want with it. If he’s going at act like this, find a new partner.
Reconsider this relationship
Do you really need this guy? No offense, but those are very unattractive qualities in any relationship.
This is the beginning of controlling behaviour. Listen to the warnings.
Thats a giant red flag and he’s also ignoring how you got this “easy money”
If it’s so important to him and his family to help, they can all club together to pay for the IVF.
First, I can’t believe they had the nerve to ask him??
Second, I can’t believe HE had the nerve to not only ask you, but try to guilt you and be an ass about it!??