ESH potentially but YTA.

From your post neither of you are compromising and both of you are being self centered. I think you both need to sit down and decide what you actually want and how much you want it and what compromises you are prepared to make to make it work. Relationship require compromise. It doesn’t sound like you in particular think in terms of **we** it sounds like you only think in terms of **I**. I don’t know about your GF because we only have your side

From your side it is summed up in this sentence “I told her that **I** just wanted to use them to relax and **do what I wanted.**” If you didn’t want to spend time with your GF you should have told her not to book time off or cancel it. Lets remember you GF has made sacrifices for your promotion too. All the time you could have spent doing new couple things but you were working instead..it is not just you that has sacrificed time.

You want to veg out. Your girlfriend wanted some of the time you spent together to be productive or quality. Clue for you spending time vegging out in front of Netflix is not considered quality time spent together by most women.

“She thinks that I have two whole weeks off and that I should give her one of them since we are a couple” SHE IS NOT ASKING YOU TO GIVE HER ONE OF YOUR WEEKS SHE IS ASKING YOU TO SHARE ONE OF YOUR WEEKS AND GIVE IT TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP which to be fair sounds like it has been playing second fiddle to your job for years.

If you want to keep this relationship you will need to learn to compromise and invest in your relationship or you may find that you can do exactly as you like because you won’t have a GF to compromise with because she will have gone off to find someone who actually does want to spend time with her.

EDIT..

1. I put in my first paragraph that the GF wasn’t compromising but actually by the numbers that is wrong…. She wants him to do something she choose for 50% of her holiday which is only 25% of his holiday. He thinks he should get to do what he wants for 100% of his holiday and 100% of her holiday…. Half her holiday doing what he want and half her holiday doing what she wants still leaving he another whole week to do what he wants….I think in retrospect she absolutely has compromised. I take it back she isn’t being self centered but he sure is.
2. He didn’t tell her about his plans until after she had booked leave.

ESH – yeah man, I get that she just decided to take off and make plans without discussing it. That’s an asshole move, no doubt. The cabin thing sounds nice, but if you don’t want to do it that’s cool.

But paint the guest room? C’mon man, don’t be a baby. Every single person reading this has to do some kind of home maintenance, and she took time off to *help*. You’re being an AH about that. Taking time to paint a room (the guest room…I’m guessing it’s not that big) during a *two week* vacation isn’t asking too much.

If I took off a week and my wife was going to work I’d be cooking dinner that week. Why? Not an asshole.

If you want to “watch Netflix and whatever” you need to break up and live alone. Nobody in a relationship gets to do nothing for 2 full fucking weeks.

I’d like to know the percentage of males who say NTA vs ESH and females who say NTA vs ESH, because I’m willing to bet more of the guys will say NTA. But that’s beside the point. As a male, happily married (honestly have fought with my wife once in 6 years), with one kid, I will say ESH. She has a problem for booking things without asking but you have a problem with your mindset if you think just veging out for two weeks when you’re in a committed relationship is acceptable. There is no vacation from relationships, believe it or not. Sure you can have time to veg, but most couples do tend to actually do stuff and spend quality time when on vacation. Most couples prob do work on some home projects that they never have the time to because they are busy with work.

YTA. You’re in a relationship living together, that’s not going to last long doing things the way you’re doing them. 1st your communication sucks. No, you don’t get to do nothing when you take time off. Unless you’re single. Or are actively trying to become single. Because that sounds like what you’re trying to do. 2 weeks watching Netflix?! You might as well be living in your mother’s basement. I can hear you yelling for her, “Hey! Get me a beer!” Like your girlfriend is your waitress, maid, cook and handyman all rolled into one. Owning a house means you don’t get to sit around and just drink a beer when your not at work. You have to maintain the house just like you have to maintain the relationship. Good luck.

YTA. You don’t have any time off in the entire time you are with your girlfriend, then you get two full weeks and only want to make them about yourself. The poor girlfriend only took one of those two weeks off, so she wasn’t asking for 14 whole days. Why are you in a relationship if you don’t want to spend at least half your free time with this significant other? You offered nothing but sitting around your house watching Netflix, not a single thing that’s special or involves both of you during this obviously precious free time?

ESH

She is walking all over your boundaries even after you have explicitly stated them, which makes her TA.

You are also TA because instead of planning an alternative time to do what she wants, you are just saying “not now”, and because of this:

> I’ve worked my butt off for this promotion for several years and have barely taken any time off during that duration.

So what is the end game here, do you plan to marry your job rather than her?

YTA. The real problem is that you are willing to go multiple years without a vacation, which means no couples vacations either. Your girlfriend sounds like she has waited patiently to spend time with you, and when you finally get some you won’t give her any (even a weekend) of your time. For good mental health and relationships to work you need at least several breaks a year. You sound like you need a different job, or to be single.

ESH.

TBH, I really want to go with YTA though.

The only reason for ESH is your girlfriend basically ambushing you to decorate.

But for the rest of it, YTA. You don’t want to go on a freebie break with your girlfriend where you can still relax?

You can still have a whole week to yourself where you’re just in your underwear stuffing pizza into your face whilst watching the sports channel and Netflix.

Edit : typo.

Leaning towards YTA. when i read the title i assumed that she put housework on you like renovating rooms and such. But she wants to spend genuine quality time with you. I get a couple days to do nothing but whats wrong with taking a week in a 2 week vacation to spend on a getaway/just random activities with your partner?

I’d be hurt too if my partner would rather the entire 2 weeks of TV than spend SOME time with me

ESH, you aren’t the ah for wanting to spend your time alone but for the way you expressed it, wanting to spend time with you is hijacking your vacation? Geez, what a tool. She’s the asshole for trying to make plans with you without your approval, but tbh couples tend to try to spend time together.

At least I hope you enjoy painting the guest all by yourself when you are not being “hijacked” by your gf lmao.

ESH She should have let you have that first week of doing nothing, everyone deserves some down time. But the whole 2 weeks? Be a man ffs and spend part of your vacation with her. She is right, who knows the next time you’ll have that much time off together. It is a bit selfish to not even consider her feelings. Step up before she leaves you

YTA she wants one fucking week if your time, and seeing as it’s your girlfriend, not sure why you won’t even entertain the thought of giving her a week of time, and then having your one week to spend on Netflix, unless of course you just don’t want to spend anytime with your girlfriend, which would make you even more of an asshole

ESH. Her for not respecting your boundaries, you for not trying to find a compromise or middle ground (the lake house sounds quiet, relaxing, and considerate). Are you sure you even want to be with her? If I were you, I wouldn’t be surprised but worried, when she no longer wants to hijack your time to spend quality time with you.

YTA. You haven’t taken a vacation in years, you said so yourself. You are about to have 2 weeks off. It is absolutely reasonable for your girlfriend to assume you would want to spend one of those weeks with her.

As someone else said, no one in an adult relationship gets to do literally nothing for 2 weeks. Learn to compromise.

YTA. Just admit it to yourself and her that you aren’t into her anymore. If going on a quick lake trip for just a few short days during your 14 days off is a chore for you, then you aren’t excited about her anymore. You also don’t want to impress her anymore either. Just let her go.

YTA. You book two weeks off after not taking anytime off for ages and you don’t even think about your gf of three years? Why didn’t you plan a vacation together? What is she, your roommate?

YTA. Sounds like you’re just not that into her. Broke up with my now ex because he didn’t want to spend time with me either.

Info:

when do you normally do maintenance around the house?

And what does being in a relationship look like to you?