Amidst shattered savings and unspoken resentments, the burden of hope and responsibility falls heavily on one sibling’s shoulders. As dreams of a new beginning clash with harsh realities, the question lingers: who will bear the cost of second chances when the price is more than just money?
I’m 29, my sister is 27.
We’re polar opposites. I’ve always worked hard and taken risks to succeed. My sister has always slacked off and never put any real effort in to succeed. She tried attending college but spent all her free time partying/smoking pot/sleeping around and ended up failing half her courses in her first year and dropped out.
Recently she decided she wants to go back to university to become a nurse. She currently works as a cashier at a supermarket so it would be a big step up career wise. Problem is my parents have lost most of their savings due to some very poor choices and can’t afford to support her while she studies and help pay her tuition.
On the other hand, I’m currently working as an actuary and have plenty of disposable income. Naturally, my parents think I should support her and pay her tuition while she studies. They say she’ll continue working part time and will pay what she can, but I’m basically expected to support her and pay her tuition, or let her stay at my house so she doesn’t have to pay rent.
I shut down the idea immediately. In my opinion, her current situation is entirely her own fault for not working hard when she was younger. My GF and I plan on getting married soon and I don’t want to waste money on my sister’s education.
As you can imagine I’m now seen as the greedy brother who won’t help out family… Even though my sister has never done anything to help me.
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) is facing significant family pressure to financially support his younger sister’s return to university, a request stemming from his parents’ inability to help and the sister’s past lack of effort toward education. The OP firmly refuses this request, believing his sister’s current situation is a direct result of her own choices, which conflicts sharply with his family’s expectation that he use his financial success to subsidize her future.
Given the clear divergence between the OP’s right to control his own resources and his family’s belief in unconditional fraternal support, is the OP acting unfairly by prioritizing his future plans and financial autonomy over assisting his sister’s educational aspirations?
Here’s how people reacted:
Now I’d totaly understand that you dont want to support a total moocher, but in this case she will be still working and you are only supplementing her income.
Just because you had it tough doesn’t mean that everyone else has to suffer as well. If you are able to pay for her, you definitely should.
If she turns out to not take her education seriously and only plays around, sure cut the money flow off. But at least give her the opportunity to better herself.
Your sister fucked up in the past, yeah. Sometimes people do shit when they’re young that they end up regretting.
However, she’s obviously trying to make up for it by putting in the work to an education that’ll put her into a better spot.
If it is about gifting her money, then I’d so you’re no asshole. It’s your money, nobody can ask you to give it away freely.
However, if it’s about loaning her the money & then getting it paid back later on to help her get started, I’d go with you being an asshole for not helping your sister move forward despite being able to afford it easily. If she started and failed college at 18, it’s been almost 10 years. People learn and change
I think it’s a little odd that your parents just expected this of you tbh. What country do you live in? Has your sister considered financial aid or a student loan?
I don’t think you owe your sister anything but I will say that she seems like she’s trying to change her life and I think you, as her brother, should support her emotionally. You seem very checked out as far as she goes and set in the idea of “she’s a lazy sack of bones” while you’re “the hardworking one.” I’m not saying that isn’t true (you’d definitely know better than me lol) I’m just saying you’re always going to see this through one lens if you don’t allow the image of her in your mind to grow up.
She’s not that 19 year old drop out anymore.
Best of luck, OP
I was a huge nerd in college so that college party life is foreign to me too–but different strokes for different folks. There are a lot of ways to be a person.
If you wanted to do something to help her–something that *you wanted* to do that wasn’t mandated by your parents, that would be cool of you. But you’re certainly not required to.
You should talk to your parents and explain this, and tell them that your financial goals do not allow you to spend a chunk of change on your sister’s schooling. Furthermore, it isn’t your responsibility because you are not her parent. Make it clear that you support her goal, but you can’t be on the line if she doesn’t follow through with her education.
Totally your choice, but it’s totally her choice if she wants to party. It’s normal and you shouldn’t look down on her.
Yea she’s later than you, but that doesn’t make you better. Maybe you’ll have a pretty bad mid life crisis and she won’t. Who knows. But your choice to not help should be because you have plans for your own income and feel she’s too risky of an investment. Not because you feel she wasted her time in her early 20s.
See how committed she is and let her sell you on herself. See if she changed.
Stand your ground and don’t let them strongarm you into abandoning your position.
Her education is not your responsibility. Don’t let them guilt trip you into something you don’t want to do.