Amidst the ashes of loss, the line between hospitality and personal boundaries blurs, exposing the fragile tension that can fracture even the closest bonds. This Thanksgiving, the simple act of sharing a meal becomes a battlefield where love, identity, and forgiveness hang in the balance.
My family and I (husband and children) are vegan. We have been for years.
His sister and her family lost their home in a fire, and they’re staying with us while they rebuild. My husband and I don’t mind if they bring meat or animal products inti our house, but *we* won’t cook them.
Therein lies the problem for Thanksgiving. We have foods such as mushroom gravy, meatless dressing, etc. I offered to let his wife use the oven or the roaster either if they want turkey, but I’m not willing to put meat in my stuffing or use beef gravy or make other foods non vegan.
They’re welcome to do so, but I won’t.
My husband backs me, but his sister says we’re not being good hosts. She says she *can’t* fix her family other options because I’ll “have the kitchen all tied up” and that “as hosts, it’s our job to make them feel welcome.”
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is dealing with a significant conflict arising from deeply held ethical beliefs (veganism) intersecting with the unexpected demands of hosting displaced family members. The core issue is the tension between maintaining personal values regarding food preparation and the perceived obligation to cater to every dietary need of guests, even those who are temporarily dependent on the OP’s hospitality.
Is the OP correct to draw a firm line at cooking non-vegan items within their own kitchen, despite their sister-in-law feeling unwelcome, or does the duty of care as a host during a crisis override the OP’s dietary boundary regarding food preparation? This debate centers on where personal ethical boundaries meet the responsibilities of temporary shelter.
Here’s how people reacted:
They aren’t guests at a party, they are now members of the household. You’ve provided them with ways to still enjoy whatever is wanted for Thanksgiving. They CAN have meat. You have no obligation to cook it for them.
The excuse of you’ll
>have the kitchen all tied up
Is ridiculous. Thanksgiving is two months away. I’m sure you can figure out how to schedule the cooking between now and then.
She’s being a terrible house guest by trying to force her eating preferences on you.
EDIT: TIL I’m an ignorant American and Canadian Thanksgiving is three weeks away. My point still stands. Three weeks is still plenty of time to schedule our food.
They are not your “invited guests” – they are living in YOUR home because of something that happened to THEM, and you’re putting up with it.
But there is room for compromise here. She can cook the turkey Wednesday night before Thanksgiving and reheat it the next day. My wife and I have done that the last couple times we’ve hosted. It saves a huge amount of time and stress for Thanksgiving day and allows us as hosts to actually enjoy more of the day instead of spending the entire day in the kitchen. That way her family gets their meat, and the kitchen is more open on Thanksgiving day for other cooking needs. This doesn’t need to be an all or nothing situation.
Yes you are hosting, but you should not have to do something that makes you uncomfortable. I eat meat, but my sister is a strict vegetarian. I have never gone over to her house for a meal and expected her to cook meat for me. I could not imagine acting the way the rest of your family does, and demanding my vegetarian or vegan family members cook meat.
Work it out. This isn’t a battle worth damaging a relationship over.
(Also, why the hell would anyone *want* meat cooked by a vegan? I haven’t eaten it in 20+ years, do you think I have any idea how to make it well?)
Oh, but nta, they know your diet, they know what’s up