Yet, beneath the surface of fractured trust, the truth slowly emerged like a fragile dawn. The eldest began to see the cracks in the facade, uncovering the sacrifices their father made and the harsh realities their mother left behind. In moments of quiet realization, the children started to understand the depth of a father’s love — a love that never wavered, even when the world around them seemed to fall apart.
I (52M) have three children with my ex Tracy (50F), Michael (28M), Linda (25F), and Victoria (23F). We split because Tracy had an affair with Stan (55M) to whom she is now married. We never shared with the kids the reason for the divorce as I didn’t want them to blame either of us.
This backfired as the kids saw their mom move out of the house, into a small apartment, and me keep living in the house and remarry two years after the divorce. So they saw me as the bad guy.
Stan and Tracy let them pretty much do whatever they wanted and I had to be the disciplinarian who made sure homework was done, appointments were made, and deadlines were met.
My two oldest eventually came to realize that I was not the bad guy. My son when he found out that his mother had put nothing away for college for him as outlined in our divorce decree and she told him to take out loans.
My daughter when she realized that her grades were going to keep her out of her desired program in school.
My youngest never came around. So it was a surprise when her boyfriend asked for my blessing to ask for her hand. When I expressed that I didn’t think she’d care about my blessing he said she insisted on it.
She began spending time with me, being polite to my wife, and it felt wonderful to have my daughter back. I went with them to book the venue, and they’ll be getting married next summer.
I paid the deposit and the first installment.
I noticed that she was becoming less communicative again recently, ignoring my texts or giving one word replies, and not coming over as much. On Monday, my son sent me a post from Instagram.
My youngest had an engagement party this weekend to which I was not invited. One of the photos was her with Stan and it read, “Anyone can be a father. It takes a real man to be a Dad.
This amazing guy has been my dad for 15 years even though he didn’t have to be. I am so blessed to have him walk me down the aisle next year! #daddysgirl #futuremrsx”
My kids wanted for nothing their entire lives because I never let them go without. Even when they wouldn’t talk to me, I made sure their needs were met. I texted Tracy to ask why I was not included.
She replied that Victoria didn’t want my wife there because she wanted a drama free day. My wife has literally never started drama in her life. I asked if Stan and I would both be walking her down the aisle.
Tracy either didn’t respond, but Victoria called me up demanding to know what my problem was.
I repeated my question and she replied that no, Stan, her dad, would be walking her down the aisle. I told her that if that’s what she wanted I would be fine with it. I told her to let Stan know the next payment for the wedding is due in November.
Stan and Tracy do not have the money for this wedding and think I’m being an asshole. Linda says if I do this, Victoria will never speak to me again. Michael is on my side.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a painful conflict where his commitment and financial support for his youngest daughter’s wedding are being undermined by her prioritizing her stepfather. Despite his consistent efforts to provide for his children, the OP is now being excluded from significant wedding events and having his role as a father publicly diminished, creating a deep sense of betrayal and confusion.
Given the OP has paid substantial funds for the wedding, is he justified in pausing future payments until his role in the ceremony is clarified and respected, or would withholding funds guarantee the permanent loss of his relationship with his daughter, making the financial sacrifice the necessary cost of maintaining some connection?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your clearly justified refusal to pay for the wedding has given your ex another leg to stand on to use against you to your kids. You’re at a point to where you are going to continue being the bad guy in your children’s eyes. They are all adults and they deserve the truth especially considering your ex is using your silence/honor against you.
Obviously you don’t want to just tell them out of the blue. You’re going to have to let this drama escalate to a point that revealing the truth is relevant to the situation.
Regardless your kids need to know, because this situation can easily escalate to the point to where you will never see or hear from your yongest again.
Through your comments and post I find your personality to be one of a guy who does not fight back if he gets punched, instead just calling the police.
Now usually that’s a good thing, but hiding your ex’s affair from your daughter is the worst thing anyone can do.
From their pov, you broke up with her for no reason, you made her life a living hell and you never paid for anything of her life. Now that’s where u fucked up. You should’ve been an involved parent but it is what it is.
Right now what you need to do is, tell her about it. Like just straight up tell her about it.
The rest will depend on her.
The kid probably won’t want much to do with you, but it kind of sounds like her mom and step dad are going to have to fail her personally for her to understand what her dad went through with them.
If they can’t afford to pay it themselves, they shouldn’t get married or they can elope. It’s really that simple!
They are now adults and should know the real truth…
NTA