YTA I’m guessing she thought you forgot and that Jimmy did too, so her other friends or maybe her work friends took her out to try and cheer her up. I get you planned something very special for her, but in the future you need to at least say something like “don’t make plans, we already have some but I can’t tell you what”.

In your wife’s eyes both you and her best friend totally forgot about her special day, by the way 30 or any 10 year is considered a milestone.

Please apologize and tell her how much you love her, that next time you will let her know that there are at least plans, even if you can’t give details.

I personally know what it’s like to feel forgotten, but the end of the day when my hubby didn’t acknowledge or my best friend because they had planned a surprise party my mood was 100% ruined as I thought they had forgotten.

Please, please, please communicate better. Again you don’t have to tell her details, just let her know that there are at least plans and make sure to wish her happy birthday immediately on her birthday.

Edit- typo

Wow… you *tracked her* when she didn’t answer you and then you *forced her to go home with you*. You sound insecure at best and fucking abusive at worst. Absolutely YTA.

Editing to add based on your constant “she doesn’t go out ever, she doesn’t have any other friends, why would she have friends I haven’t met, why would I have to ask her to come straight home” makes me lean even more towards you are probably controlling and she is trying to find a fucking way out. I hope she does and you realize that not communicating with your partner isn’t *romantic*, it is fucked up.

Editing to add the tracking isn’t out of the ordinary in relationships. What is concerning to me is that he was tracking her when she was avoiding him. She didn’t want to answer his calls or texts at the moment so she almost certainly didn’t want him *showing up because he tracked her location*.

YTA. You didn’t use the critical piece of surprise party planning where you have her home at a certain time for a “good reason”. You just made it look like you were blowing her off, and she made other plans.

You honestly just made it look like you remembered her birthday at the last minute and went overboard to try to make up for it. And instead of apologizing, you forced her to appreciate your thoughtfulness.

EDIT: Thanks for the awards, friends. This is my most upvoted comment, and it’s silly, but it made me happy. Thanks for the smile, I needed it.

EDIT EDIT: Oh my goodness, I’m going to pass out! Thank you! I feel like I just got a sweet new sticker collection. Y’all surprised me better than OP did his wife

YTA. You shouldn’t be interrupting you wife’s dinner for your awful execution of her birthday surprise. You also seem really hung up on the fact she went out which is odd to me.

Perhaps the dinner plans only materlised that day.

Friend: “Hey OP’s wife, what are you doing for your birthday tonight?”

OP’s wife: “Nothing – I think my husband forgot”

Friend: “No no no, you aren’t doing nothing for your birthday – we are going to get dinner”

Maybe your wife looked sad at dinner becuase she thought her husband didn’t do anything for her birthday.

YTA

You told her a full week in advance that you weren’t available on her birthday because you’d made plans with her best friend.

Then you went and removed her from the place where she was actually celebrating after **stalking** her location online.

I’ve read your comments about you not knowing these people exist and her looking sad, she was probably sad because her husband and bestie made plans without her. Maybe she was sad because her husband is controlling and came to collect her like she was a naughty kid.

Hard to tell.

You just don’t know you’re the asshole yet. That’s the problem 😂 From your perspective no, you created a very romantic, touching thing between you and your partner, and it sounds amazing but it also sounds maybe in a radical sense, that you and Jimmy have been getting sticky behind your wife’s back. Now I’m not saying that’s what she’s thinking, but you’ve been spending a lot of time together and not elaborating to your wife on what’s happening. Your mom calling you an asshole is also quite strange. There’s trouble afoot

YTA

You’ve been sneaking around and giving her vague half-@ssed excuses about where you go. The day of her birthday you tell her you have plans and will be busy…

So she makes plans on her own, goes and tries to celebrate her bday anyway because you’ve been acting distant and aloof. Then you crash that and drag her away?

The “surprise” wasn’t for her – it was about you. “Look what I did! Look how awesome I am!” You made her feel like crap, for weeks, then on her birthday made her feel even worse.

I’m going to step out here and say ESH. You say that you’re married and you love your wife very much, but is she in the habit of just going out with friends after work and not telling you? From the outside looking in, it seems quite rude of her to go out with her friends on her 30th birthday without letting you know that this was her plan. She could have at least called you first and said that she would be home late. You were wrong to force her to come home. You both need to communicate a lot better.

YTA. You tried to do something nice, but you went about it the wrong way. Surprises are often a bad idea. This is a case and point. You told your wife you wouldn’t be free on her birthday, so she made other plans. You embarrassed her in front of her friends, friends who had taken her out for her birthday. Of course she is upset.

You are TA for taking her away from her friends, she also thinks you have been cheating on her with Jimmy. You have been going out making rubbish excuses so she planned an event with work friends as she thought her husband and best friend didn’t care and were cheating on her behind her back. How dim can you be?

Info: Why didn’t you just join the group at the restaurant? And tell her there is a surprise at home when she’s ready? Did you say anything in the Uber? Did she see the flowers/decor and not say anything? How many days ago was this, and why haven’t you apologized for not communicating adequately yet?

Ew

> “I told me wife she **had** to come home”

OP who do you think you are?

She was having an amazing **30th** bday party and you ruined. For what reason??? I hope you know she’ll never forget this.

YTA, a big one

Something tells me there’s more to this story. Did you cause a scene?

YTA.

You told her you had plans on her birthday and she made her own plans. When you plan a surprise, it’s on you to make sure the person will be available.

The plans she made with her friends were not less important that your poorly executed surprise.

YTA.

She’s doesn’t seem to like “surprises” and she probably figured you forgot her birthday. This is what you get for failing to have basic communication with her.

Surprising her was never about what she wanted. It was about you showing off.

Yuck. YTA. You tracked her location and then pulled her out of her a dinner (in front of everyone) because *checks notes* you had presents waiting for her at home. Why could you just delay your surprise. It was just the two of you.

YTA. I hate surprise birthdays where the main message is “I’ve forgotten your birthday” you can do surprises without that part. I don’t know why people get such a boner for purposely hurting there loved ones before making them happy.

I am confused. Was she out with friends she didn’t like or was she kidnapped? She wasn’t smiling or energetic? What does that mean? She didn’t want to be there with those people or she was mad you showed up?

Not enough info here.

YTA She’s a grown woman and can make decisions for herself about who she wants to have dinner with. If there is a next time, find a way to ‘reserve’ the surprise party time without giving away the surprise.

YTA – of course she’s going to be upset and why didn’t you make an arrangement or a reason to make sure she came home