Yet, even in the warmth of acceptance, shadows lingered. Among Martin’s friends, whispers and cruel jokes chipped away at her fragile peace, reminding her that judgment often hides behind forced laughter. In the midst of celebration, those barbed words threatened to unravel the fragile threads of love and courage she had so painstakingly woven.
I used to work as a sex worker in my early to mid 20s. I had no choice; I had to get money to be able to keep my siblings and myself from homelessness.
I met my fiancé Martin over a year ago; he knows every single detail about my life and everyday tells me he loves me no matter what. His family are literally saints, so I kind of hit the jackpot in the inlaws dept.
However, his friends are not so much. Some of them make comments about my past and throw in some words that I find rather offensive, but I thought to myself, ‘You are just being too sensitive, just let it go.’
Last week, we went out to a restaurant to celebrate Martin’s birthday with his friends and family. One of his closest friends, Antonio, has a habit of making nasty jokes and laughing publicly.
While I was talking to my mother-in-law, Antonio looked around, praised the restaurant, and then complained about not having family to celebrate his upcoming birthday. He then told Martin, ‘Perhaps I can borrow [my name] for some bj on my upcoming birthday.’ I was appalled, but when I turned to see how Martin would react, Martin just laughed and said, ‘Hahaha, well, how much are you willing to pay?’ I froze.
Then I got up, gathered my stuff including the gift I got him, and started making my way out. Martin yelled after me. He followed me outside begging me to wait, but I kept walking.
He said it was just a joke between him and his buddy and I was overreacting for no reason. I started arguing with him about how he was not only okay with his buddy humiliating me but playing along in his god-awful joke.
He insisted I overreacted and was being oversensitive. I got into a taxi and went home.
After he came back, he started complaining about how I embarrassed him and ruined the celebration by walking out. I reminded him of what he did, and he said it was just a joke! He added that the only one who has an issue with my past is me and I should seek therapy for being too sensitive all the time.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a deeply hurtful situation where her fiancé publicly validated a derogatory joke about her past, turning her moment of celebration into one of intense humiliation. Her action to leave immediately stemmed from the betrayal of trust when the person who claimed unconditional love joined in the mockery, contrasting sharply with the support she received from his family.
Is the OP’s reaction of leaving the celebration justified as a necessary boundary against public humiliation and betrayal, or did she overreact to what her fiancé insisted was merely a thoughtless joke among friends, thereby unfairly ruining an important family event?
Here’s how people reacted:
His shitty attempt at gaslighting, manipulating and playing victim should already be enough reason to leave him. You’re disrespecting yourself and letting not only him but his friends as well to disrespect you by staying. Leave and don’t look back, you deserve someone that respects you and is willing to cut off anyone who doesn’t match that energy.
Fyi; even if you were proud of being a sex worker(which is okay), it doesn’t give him a right to talk about you like that. Not only was that “joke” unfunny but they quiet literally dehumanised you, and objectified you. In public. In front of you. The fact that Antonio was able to say that so calmly in front of your fiancé and your fiancé did not react means those “jokes” have been said so often they’re the norm.
The bigger issue here is your fiancé, his friends would not act like that if he put them in their place, enabling is sometimes worse than doing the act itself.
Dump him and move on. Never stay long enough for them to treat you like this. You’re NTA.
Next time dump a drink over Antonio and your stupid fiancé (hopefully ex soon)
Time to pack your things and go OP. Martin is never going to respect you and you absolutely deserve a partner who respects you.
Eta: thanks everyone for the awards. To the anti sex work crowd don’t bother chiming on my reply I’m just blocking y’all
Hun, you have only known him a couple of years and the honeymoon is over. this is him showing you how he ACTUALLY thinks. To your face he says he’s fine with your past. To his friends, he’s willing to joke about taking money in exchange for you. Basically he’s willing to joke about pimping you out.
Run.
ETA don’t be ashamed of your past. You are a strong capable woman who doesn’t take any BS and your past made you that woman. Honestly, sex work is stigmatised and it shouldn’t be. You sold your labour just like anyone does. Be proud of who you are!
Gurl, if I were there, as your friend, i’d ask that AH,
Can you please explain the joke? I didn’t get it.
How is it funny to have your girlfriend give another man a blowjob? Do you find that funny?
Are you into that stuff? Like cockholding? Is that your kink?
Come on, help me understand the joke.
It is not ok to joke about someone like they’re property.
NTA
NTA.