The husband’s mother has been overly involved, calling the unborn baby “her baby” and using nicknames, which has caused the user stress. The user established a boundary, stating she wants her own mother present for support during labor, but not her mother-in-law, whom she fears will create drama. This boundary led the husband to threaten to boycott the delivery if his mother is excluded, leaving the user to question if she is wrong for maintaining her boundary.
I’m 34 weeks pregnant with our first baby. My husband (35M) and I are thrilled, but his mother (62F) has been making this whole thing about her. She constantly refers to my unborn baby as “her baby.” She has a list of nicknames picked out and keeps calling herself “mama two.” She even offered to breastfeed if I “can’t produce enough.” (Yes, really.)
I told my husband I want my mom in the delivery room, but not his. I want someone calm and supportive with me, not someone trying to make TikToks of my labor.
He said I was being unreasonable, that this was “his baby too” and his mom just wants to be involved. I said she can wait in the waiting room like everyone else. He called me controlling and now says if she’s not allowed in, he won’t be either.
I don’t want to give birth with drama in the room. But now I’m afraid I’ll be laboring alone just because I set a boundary. AITAH for refusing to let his mom in the delivery room, even if it means he won’t come in either?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing significant stress due to her mother-in-law’s inappropriate boundary crossing and her husband’s refusal to support her request for a calm birthing environment. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need to feel safe and supported during labor and her husband prioritizing his mother’s desire for intense involvement over his wife’s stated needs.
The core issue is whether the OP is overstepping by firmly setting a boundary against a disruptive presence in the delivery room, even if that boundary results in her husband refusing to attend. Is it reasonable to insist on personal support in the delivery room, or is the husband justified in making his attendance conditional on his mother’s inclusion?
Here’s how people reacted:
Yes, it’s his baby, but it’s your genitals, it’s your body that will be racked with pain and it’s your body that will be literally on display as you go through this whole process.
If he wants to insist on his mother being in the room then he has to agree to laying on a bed with a puppy pad under him and push out a turd in front of both of your fathers and you. If he’s not willing to expose himself during such a private and personal moment, then you deserve the same respect. Your body didn’t become community property just because you got pregnant.
Op, I’ve had three babies and let me say this is the time for you to be only concerned with yourself. You will be in pain, you will be exposed and you will want to kill everyone who talks to you. I once threatened to sue the midwife because she stuck to my birth plan of no epidural, I was too late for one anyways, but told her if she didn’t make happen I’d take her to court 😂
You want people to run your back, bring you ice chips, help you focus on your breathing and just be there for YOU, not someone who will make things about her. If your husband wants to miss it, that is his choice.
Ask your husband if he’d be comfortable splayed out on a table naked, probably accidentally sh!tting himself, with YOUR mom there acting like she owns the place.
BTW, if he cares about his mother’s wishes more than yours, you two have a huuuge problem on your hands.
Personally, I’d start making incest jokes at every comment.
“Mama 2”
“Oh, did husband knock you up too? Careful GRANDMA – incest is illegal”
“My baby”
“Oh people might think you’re having sex with your son; you should call MY baby by the appropriate term – your GRAND baby”
Always bring it back, loudly, to the assumption that she and your husband have an inappropriate sexual relationship EVERY time she makes it “her” baby.
The only person who gets to pick who will be in the delivery room is the mom, not the dad, the grandparents, siblings, or anyone else. Your husband doesn’t seem to grasp that birth isn’t a party or a spectator sport, it’s hard work and your nether parts are exposed. He doesn’t get to choose who can see your lady bits. If he decides to skip his child’s birth because you don’t want his mommy there, that’s his choice. Don’t fall for his blackmail attempt.
You will be the patient and you can have him removed too- he has no right to be there for delivery.
Give her photo to labour delivery team/midwife/hospital etc and say that she’s not allowed.
Be prepared for conflict and boundary pushing once you get home. She sounds like the type to meltdown and fight for ‘grandparent rights ‘ and your husband sounds like the type to give in
Whatever permissions you do give them are yours alone to give.
Fuck, I’d just tell him, “Sure, go hang out with your mom while I bring a child into the world. That sounds like a great decision and you’ll never regret choosing your mother instead of your child on his first day.”
NTA
You’re the mother. NTA.