The issue centers around the user’s mother, who is reportedly anxious about aging and wants to choose a unique nickname for when she becomes a grandmother. After suggesting several names like FiFi, Lolli, Bibi, and Lola, she is insisting on the name “Glammy,” claiming it fits her desire to be seen as ‘young and hip.’ The user strongly objects to these names, fearing ridicule for his child, and now questions whether his stance is unfair as his mother feels they are taking the experience away from her.
I (26m) am engaged to my fiance (23f) and a little bit after the proposal we found out she was pregnant. We were thrilled and after some time told the family and friends about it. Everyone is very excited for her to be born.
(Yes we found out it’s a girl and that’s what we were hoping for).
My mother is the type of woman who hates the idea of getting old. She tries to hide it in anyway she possibly can. She started coming up with names to be called and in the beginning it was funny.
But I’ve learned that she’s completely serious on one of these stupid names and she gets mad at me for telling her that I won’t allow it. The most recent name she has come up with is Glammy because she saw a post that says “when you’re a grandma but you’re young and hip you get called Glammy”.
Tbh that’s the only one that I was like hmmm maybe cause I know my child will just say gammy or Grammy. But some of the names she wants are FiFi, Lolli (like lollipop), Bibi, Lola, Ari, and some others that I can’t say cause they are similar to her first name.
To me, these names are just stupid but maybe I’m being TA but my brother agrees with me too. I’m perfectly fine with names that are somewhat normal but for some reason I can’t get the image of my child telling someone that their “FiFi is picking her up” and she just gets laughed at cause it’s a stupid name.
We’ve all tried to give my mom name suggestions but are shot down every time and told that we are taking this experience away from her. What do y’all think?
Conclusion
The original poster is currently in a difficult position, balancing his desire to protect his future child from potentially embarrassing nicknames against his mother’s strong desire to feel young and involved in the new family dynamic through a chosen title.
Should the user prioritize maintaining a boundary regarding what his child calls his mother, even if it causes conflict, or should he concede to one of the less objectionable names to preserve family harmony and acknowledge his mother’s excitement?
Here’s how people reacted:
This is just one in a long line of power struggles you will experience with your daughter, and those around her, over the next several decades (yes, I said _several_ … see note below)! You can pick whatever name you like to try to teach your child, but she’s going to pick what she’s going to pick. It might be Grandma or Glammy, it might be FiFi or Nana, it might be Gumma or Mimi, or any anything else her wonderful little toddler brain thinks up, or maybe whatever your mom insists on being called. You have influence, but not control. And the harder you try, the harder she, or both of them, may resist.
That last bit is the most important wisdom I hope to impart to you. 13 or 14 years from now, when you think you’re truly at your wit’s end, please remember some random old lady redditor told you that, and try to breathe deeply, because that too shall pass.
Note: You’re having a power struggle with your mom now… isn’t it great how that just keeps going onto adulthood? 🙂
She was also a terrible person and by the time I cut contact with her at 17 I only referred to her as her legal name. To this day I’ll be telling a story with her in it and say “Elaine, oh I mean my grandma” because I forget not everyone knows that Elaine was my bio dad’s mom
NTA hopefully your mom isn’t as bad as graham cracker was, but tell her that people with grandma’s who insist on being called other things because they don’t want to feel old are seen as exhausting by their grandchildren most of the time. And also relentlessly mocked by the members of the family who find it ridiculous the literal second she steps out of the room. At least, that’s my experience.
NTA.
I suggest you always refer to her as “Gammy”. Don’t know if gammy is used as a word where you are, but it’s a great adjective for a body part that doesn’t work well (old people complain about their gammy leg if their leg gives them problems, for example.)
You can blame the mispronunciation on the child’s speech, but your mother *will* end up being called “Gammy” forever. (And when that happens, you’ll have a perfect story for r/pettyrevenge! 😁)
My mum goes by Crazy by her now 14yo step-grandson and 10yo grandson. It came from a joke in a game where my mum would be silly and my dad would say where’s the crazy lady when the 14yo was a toddler. 14yo eventually dropped the lady part and just called her crazy. Everyone knows they call her crazy, other relatives, their after-school care, teachers etc. Absolutely no one gives a shit.
I know other people that go by GG and MiMi again. No one cares. They have good relationships with their kids and grand kids, that’s all that matters.
Just please make this easy on your kid instead of trying to correct your mom’s self image. Why do you even have such a bug up your ass anyway? It’s not your name and I think you’re disrespectful to force a name on another adult.
Work out their place in your child’s life and do not waiver, cos often this comes and in hand with grandmother hunger. Be firm, it’s gonna be difficult.
She is living in delusion. Not an uncommon thing these days.
She probably thinks she has always been a 10 and that she looked better at 42 than she did at 22.
That kind of delusion is pervasive now.
No use in fighting it.
Maybe you could compromise, and your daughter can call her Delulu.
I come from a Hispanic family and my kids call their grandpa “papa” lol
Besides, your kid will eventually get comfortable with calling them their own name
Whatever issue you have with your mom, just deal with it. Don’t use your kid as a get back
Anyway NTA your child will probably call her whatever you use to refer to her anyway
Honestly, you won’t really be able to control it. Neither will your mom. You two need to learn to compromise so that when the kid gets old enough to talk, she won’t get confused.
My son calls my mother Poppy. He calls his uncle “Achoo.” Kids will do what they will.
Child can call her whatever she wants. You sound cynical