Following the breakup, the boyfriend expressed deep remorse, crying and insisting they were soulmates, which convinced the narrator to reconsider the relationship. During this sensitive ‘probation period,’ he presented an extreme condition: he would end things if she ever performed mouth-to-mouth CPR, even if it meant saving a life when no one else was available, claiming this was a non-negotiable boundary for him.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, we live together, and we’ve always said that we plan to marry each other– he constantly tells me that we’re soulmates. Two weeks ago, he really messed up big time and we ended up breaking up– but after, he begged me crying, telling me I’m his soulmate and he’d rather die than be with someone else, etc.
etc., so I agreed to think about things and he was kind of on a “relationship probation period” of some kind, but then a couple days later he says this. By ‘this’ I mean: he said he would break up with me if i gave someone CPR (mouth to mouth), even if i saved their life and no one else was around to help them (even his dad, an old woman, whatever).
He said this was just one of his “boundaries” and that he could do it because he plans to be a doctor one day but i couldn’t as my profession doesn’t ask for that. He said that if i wanted to be with him, i can’t give anyone CPR— I should let them die.
He kept on saying like “oh, so what, is this a dealbreaker for you then?”. I think it’s absurd because it’s one thing being uncomfortable, it’s another thing to break up with me and lose me over saving someone elses’ life??
Especially we weren’t even fully together yet either– he was supposed to be like convincing me that he became a better partner or whatever. This is like a drop in the ocean of what he does too; during this period too, on Valentine’s Day, he didn’t do anything to acknowledge me or show appreciation for me (mind you, guys on the street that were strangers even wished me a happy Valentine’s Day), and instead, he had the audacity to ask us to be intimate “one last time” because he missed me and “loves me so much”.
No card, no flowers (he knows I adore flowers and am so appreciative of them), no gifts, no recognition, nothing after two years, especially after this rough patch (you would think he’d go the extra mile to win me over).
Am I going crazy?? Like he’ll be a crappy ‘boyfriend’ but then be like “you’re mine and can’t give CPR to anyone”. Who breaks up with their “soulmate” over saving someone’s life???
I feel like I’m going insane because I lowkey feel gaslighted like he’s trying to make me feel like all of this is normal (this is the tip of the iceberg lol).
Conclusion
The narrator is currently experiencing significant confusion and distress, feeling that her boyfriend’s demand—that she must choose between him and saving a life via CPR—is absurd and controlling. This ultimatum is set against a backdrop of other concerning behaviors, such as his complete lack of recognition on Valentine’s Day, leading her to question the validity of their relationship foundation and whether she is being manipulated.
The central conflict lies between the narrator’s expectation of a supportive partner and the boyfriend’s imposition of rigid, life-threatening boundaries while simultaneously demanding commitment as a ‘soulmate.’ The question for debate is whether a partner’s demand that one must passively allow a stranger to die rather than perform a life-saving act constitutes a reasonable boundary in a serious relationship, especially when weighed against other signs of emotional neglect.
Here’s how people reacted:
The lease is going to be an annoying complication, not gonna lie. First read the lease and see what happens if you break it. Maybe you pay a fine and it’s done? If you’re stuck with it, ideally one of you moves out and the other either takes over the lease or brings on a new roommate. If you go that route, make sure to re-do the lease paperwork with the landlord so you’ve got the right folks on the lease – the last thing you need is this guy skipping out on rent and fucking up your credit.
Also real talk: the sobbing and especially the “I’ll die without you” stuff is concerning. Your first priority is your personal safety. Even if it feels like overkill, please call a local domestic violence hotline and get some advice on how to handle the breakup and move! It’s honestly probably fine but…better safe than sorry.
His response to you saving a life is quite possibly deranged. I dread to think how crazy his demands will be if you are not trying to save a life.
I don’t know what you will have to do to get out of the lease and get away from him but please do. This can’t be the first time that you have seen him be completely unreasonable. How many red flags do you need here?
You need to end it. You need to leave. He needs to get a roommate and you need to have him sign a new lease without you. I wish I could tell you how to achieve this but the guy is seriously troubled and sensible behaviour is unlikely ensue.
Gurl talk to your landlord and see if you can either get out of your lease or substitute another person. Someone get out of there and get a roommate. This man is showing you who he is and it’s an insecure, controlling dud.
This is a red flag that would be visible from fucking SPACE.
He might love you, but he loves CONTROLLING you more.
Don’t walk away. Fucking RUN. He’s banking on your emotions (“I love him”) getting the best of you and letting him continue controlling.
Go to your landlord and find out what the options are with regards to the lease. Can you afford it yourself? Can you take him off and substitute a roommate? Could you afford the penalty for leaving early?
Your boyfriend sounds like a royal fuckhead, what are you doing with him? Just move out. Tell the landlord your boyfriend is crazy and you’re leaving because you’re concerned for your safety.
Frankly, this guy sounds crazy, unstable, and delusional. Run. Talk to your land lord and see if there is any way out of the lease.
Your ex is delusional. A healthy relationship means being secure with yourself in relation to the other person.
Unless you plan on doing CPR on a drowned Jason Momoa (that’s my hall pass 🤣), he’s completely insane to equate CPR with cheating. Leave him in the dust.
It’s the massaging of the heart, ie the pumping of the blood to the brain that is the most important. 30 pumps and then two breaths.
he’s paying it unless he wants to see you bringing your new boyfriend(s) back to the shared apartment for the next year and a half.
NTA