Two months ago, the couple’s lives changed drastically when the husband’s parents died in an accident, leaving behind two young siblings (aged 12 and 10) and debt due to poor investments. The husband took in his younger siblings, which derailed the couple’s plans to save for a house and start a family around age 27. Feeling overwhelmed by the sudden responsibility and realizing she does not want a family life right now, the OP asked for a divorce and moved out, leaving her feeling selfish yet resolute.
I am 24f and my husband 24, both met at our university, when we both were 18. Got married at age of 21. I run a bridal store and he runs a hardware shop.
My husband has two siblings who are 12 and 10, as his parents struggled fertility issues for a decade and then had two children later. His parents died two months back in an accident.
And left a house but not much money, due to bad investments.
My husband took his siblings in and I respect him for that. But it isn’t something that I signed up for at such a young age.
Our whole budget has gone to toss and he will be responsible for their education and other things in future. Yes we both earn well. But still expensive foreign trips, my high end lifestyle and other things need money.
Our own plan was to have three years of marriage and plan a child around age of 27.
I realized it won’t be something I want at this point with too much household work and two kids to care for. I asked for divorce. And has moved out.
There are not much assets as we were saving for a house. And I will grant him an easy divorce. I love him, but I am selfish and at 24. I don’t want to do all this. I want to travel and live my life.
It hurts, but this isn’t something I want.
I have moved out and he is asking me to solve this. I can’t ask him to give away his siblings to other relatives or social care. I am not that horrible person. But I also don’t want to be responsible for them.
My parents and siblings are saying that hardships are part of life and I should give my marriage a chance. I don’t know. I know I will be very resentful if I force myself into this.
Conclusion
The OP is currently in a difficult position, torn between her love for her husband and her strong desire to maintain the young, independent lifestyle she envisioned for herself, especially as she feels ill-equipped and unwilling to take on the role of caretaker for his younger siblings at this stage of her life.
The central conflict lies in whether personal life goals and freedom override marital commitment when an unforeseen, shared tragedy dramatically alters the established partnership structure. Should the OP proceed with the divorce to protect her future autonomy, or should she stay, accepting the parental role her husband has embraced, despite the risk of future resentment?
Here’s how people reacted:
She isn’t walking away from biological children, and while she loves her husband, this isn’t the life she signed up for. Whether she regrets her choices down the line, well she is the only one who has to live with it. She isn’t asking him give up his siblings. This is the right thing for HIM to do, not her. This is a fork in the road for them. I would be no different if hubby got a job in another country and she didn’t want to leave everything she had built for herself and her business.
Major life changes for partners mean someone in the relationship has to give up something. She chooses to give up the marriage instead of her dreams. u/[BrokenDreams147](https://www.reddit.com/user/BrokenDreams147/), this sucks for everyone, but you have every right to walk away. He doesn’t want to do this alone while the three of them are still grieving the loss of their parents and you doesn’t have to set yourself on fire to keep him warm.
Tell him there’s nothing to work out because at the end of the day he’s responsible for his siblings and that’s a good thing, it’s great and wonderful that he’s taking care of his siblings but that’s not where you’re at right now with your life so for both of your sakes you’re going to go ahead and call the relationship over.
I hope you don’t look back and regret the decision, I think you will but again, it’s your prerogative to end the relationship if it’s no longer working for you.
Ignore those trying to guilt trip you. You have the right to secure boundaries.
If you don’t want the responsibility both financially and literally then it is your perogative to walk away.
People will judge you for it, but they aren’t the ones in your position at such a young age. If it’s not for you, then stand firm.
Leave him. He and the kids don’t deserve to be resented the rest of their lives. Which is exactly what you will do if you have to raise kids you don’t want to raise. Who knows how you’ll treat them when you start having biological children. Leave and stay away from them.
But perhaps it’s choice you need to make.
So much for “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…”
Are YOU the AH….? Welp… if you have to ask………
Hubby stepped up for HIS siblings , but you didn’t
Feel for you. But. I probably in your shoes would have done the same.
Taking on two preteens at your age is a huge responsibility – you have the right to change your mind on marriage if it’s completely changed from what you signed up for. Two kids under 12 is a huge change.