I feel like you’re only punishing your child here. Laura will be part of your baby’s life from birth. She’s married to their grandfather. Why deny your kid an extra grandparent? And extra love? Laura will only feel closer to your kid as a grandparent, which is nice for kiddo — and it’s genuinely confusing to explain divorce and all that to a child if you’re still w your partner.

My parents remarried when my siblings and I were in our 20s+, and their partners absolutely have a grandparent role & name for the babies. Neither played a parental role in any of our lives, and if anything, there’s been some tension over the years. But they adore the kids. And the kids love them. And when you need a babysitter, “Grandma” will feel more inclined to help than “Laura.” Esp after this. She can have a different “grandma name,” like Nana, if your mom wants to claim “Grandma.” But don’t exclude her from your village — which you will definitely need in the future — just to be petty.

Unless you hate this woman, I genuinely think you’re only hurting your child & yourself.

NTA BUT, I want to offer a different perspective too. My mom died a few years ago. My dad has a girlfriend that he’s had for about a year. I’m 37. We’ve known her about 10 years or so roughly. She’s sweet, never been a mother figure to me though. If she sticks around, I don’t have a problem with my daughter calling her grandma or some version, if that’s what my daughter wants and if my dad’s gf is ok with it. She watches her along with my dad’s gf and loves this little girl already. My daughter is only 3.5 months old. What else will my daughter consider her except a grandma figure? “My grandpa’s gf”? That seems weird. That’s just me tho. But I also don’t put so much weight on names, etc. it’s how these people treat me and my kids/family is what matters.

Not sure about the “earned” thing but she’s going to be acting like a grandma when you bring your child around your father. Are they supposed to call her by her first name because if so, that’s disrespectful. Granted she wasn’t a mother to you but that doesn’t mean she can’t be a grandmother to your child if she’s loving. Why not find a new name for her and try to be kind instead of pointing out how since she doesn’t have a bond with you, you can’t allow her to have one with your child.

We see too many posts where grandparents refuse to treat steps or adopted kids as their own and this women is begging to be a grandma but you’re just spitting all over her because you have your mom and your husband’s mom in the picture.

This is a pretty good AITAH, because it’s a real question that could have multiple legit answers.

My parents divorced. I never considered either of their remarriages new parents. But both of them are absolutely Grandma X and Grandpa Y it my kids and my siblings’ kids. That’s just what the kids 2 generations down all call them. What war do I win insisting that that not be a thing? What are the spoils of that war?

We all meet a Christmas and/or Thanksgiving. Why would I insist that some of the kids the same age, who all see them as the person married to their parents’ parents call them a different name?

I guess I’m ESH on this one, just get over it, Grandparent and Grandchild alike.

Honestly. The kid will work it out.

If she does grandmotherly things then she gets the title.

About 20 kids in my neighborhood call my mum Grandma. They aren’t confused. They know she isn’t Grandma. But she has done all sorts of Grandma things like picking them up with her grandkid and taking them to sports or whatever.

Honestly kids aren’t silly. You’re being overly worried about something that might not even happen.

You call her Frida! She calls herself Grandma. The kid will kinda decide.

You’re NTA. But kids are work it out. Don’t make kids choose. They just want all the old people to watch them kick a ball three feet 75,000 times a day!

NTA!! Give her a nickname, she doesn’t need Grandma. It’s your child and you should get to decide how your child addresses folks. My 1st “Grandchild” is no blood relation to me. He’s my son’s step son, but we love him like he’s ours. He calls us by our first names, which we’re totally fine with. I would never dream of asking him to call me grandma, he has his biological grandmother’s. I’m just an added bonus. Your stepmom could be your child’s added bonus, if nothing else. The more people to love your child, the better.

Some advice, wait until you see what efforts she makes with your kid. I have the same situation with remarriages and I have been pleasantly surprised. My own mom doesn’t do shit and doesn’t see my kids even though she is close by. My dad’s wife and husbands dad’s wife go the extra mile and have great bonds with our kids. They have earned that title and I don’t take that sort of thing lightly. If the step lady doesn’t do shit with your kids then don’t let her be called grandma.

NTA. In fact your dad and stepmother are. My ” grandmother ” told me ” I’m not your real grandma but my grandpa was married to her before I was even fucking born. No one besides you and your partner should get to decide what your kids call her. The same goes for hugging , kissing, or shaking hands with ” relatives ” . I told my kids, you don’t have to hug or kiss anyone but you can shake their hands. They only hug and kiss grandparents and parents. Stick to your convictions

I called my mother’s stepfather grandpa when I was a child, despite her never calling him dad. But I think that was because there was zero chance of her dad being in the picture and she wanted me to have “proper grandparents”. As soon as I was old enough to decide for myself I switched to his first name. Your mum is still alive and as you said, this woman was no mother to you. I can’t see any reason why she should have the title grandma. NTA

You’re a bit out of line. Grandma is a title that reflects her bond with the grandbaby, not with you. Having three grandmothers could truly be a blessing for your little one.

Your newborn baby won’t be calling anyone grandma for a while yet, so this is not a battle to fight today anyway.

YTA. So you plan on denying your kid another grandma in their life because you want to be petty?

People just don’t use their brains. They’d rather cut off their noses to spite their face rather than think about the big picture and building positive environments for their kids.

Sounds like your stepmother wants to be close to this child.

Are you really going to deny your child a third grandmother?

Grandmothers are like, the best things about life. Why be spiteful against your stepmother when you could be generous to your daughter?

God damn, how much do you hate this woman? Why would you prefer to be petty and hateful for the rest of your life over something fairly trivial. You gonna train your kid to not call her grand ma? Do you think that’s good for your child? I old comment section

So, you didn’t have a bond with your stepmom, so you are keeping your child from having a bond with (one of) her grandma(s), too?

It’s your decision, obviously, but don’t you think that’s a bit petty still trying to hurt the woman who married your dad?

Speaking from experience your kid is going to think of her as a grandma, and every bit of family support is helpful in ways you can’t imagine. Be the bigger person and let the child call her what they want.

Tell your dad you have moved on and she is not a grandmother. The tittle is not earned as being a grandmother implies she was your mom. Ask your dad maybe he wants to give up his title for his wife.

NTA. They can want whatever but you have the final say. That’s your baby. I’m curious to see what she thinks she did to earn the title when she didn’t even want to be even kind of a mother figure.

This is more about the relationship you want your baby to have with Laura than your relationship with her. Do you want her to be a grandmother-figure to your child? Or just their grandpa’s wife?

It’s difficult nowadays. A lot of us parents have re married. Have a blended family.
I’m nanny to my own kids kids. And nannie (….. ) for my step kids.

If she had the audacity to tell you and remind you she’s not your mom as a fucking kid, I give you full permission to not allow her to be called grandma.

Maybe a different nick name. I agree not grandma. Maybe Lu Lu because she is delulu if she thinks her name will be grandma. LOL JK

Have you gained any thing from your position? Does your child loose anything by having three loving grandmothers?

I read this as “refusing to call my stepmom grandma” and then started singing “I’m my own grandpa” in my head

No the title is for her to. She is grandma as being your step mother. Stop being a selfish little b&&&

YTA. Probably gonna be a single mom so your kid can call whoever it is Daddy

The more people that love your child, the better. Just remember that

Step mom isn’t grandma she’s step grandma and you let her know that

I would see how much effort she puts into helping with your child

Maybe GrandLaura as a compromise for all involved?

Your kid will call her what ever they feel like.

If your Dad in Grandpa, she can be Grandpa’s ho.

You can’t be grandma without being ma. So NTA.

Just a suggestion I had two grand and a nan

Not the ahole stepevil is the ahole