Once the mortgage was paid, the wife immediately announced her intention to quit her job entirely, which blindsided the narrator as he believed they still needed both incomes, even at reduced hours, to maintain their current lifestyle. When the narrator expressed his concern and proposed she only take unpaid leave occasionally, she became extremely angry, accused him of being a gold digger, and proceeded to put in her notice, leaving the narrator confused and worried about the sudden change in her behavior.
My wife and I are extremely fortunate to have won a decent amount of money from Lotto recently. It wasn’t the top prize but it was enough to pay off our (sizeable) mortgage and still have some left over for vacations.
The mortgage was by far our biggest weekly cost and with that gone we could both comfortably cut our hours back at work to only school hours and spend some more time with our kids, this was always a daydream we spoke about when we bought lotto tickets, I assumed this is what we would both do.
When we got the money and paid off hour house everything almost immediately turned bad. My wife started talking about how amazing it’s going to be finally not having to work anymore, I was blindsided by this.
Even with the mortgage gone we would still have to work at least school hours to keep our current standard of living, and on my salary alone things would be tight. I asked if she was serious and she said of course, it was her ticket and she gets to decide.
This is BS because we both bought lotto tickets before and when we moved in together we only bought one because two seemed like a waste of money.
I tried to reason with her, say she could use some of the extra to take some unpaid leave here and there but she needs to keep her job, when I said “if I’m only working school hours” she absolutely flipped and started accusing me of being a gold digger and ruining this for her, how she deserved it after working so much of her life etc I asked her for a pause because I was honestly afraid, she’s never been like this before.
The next few days we tried to have this conversation again but she didn’t budge an inch, and when she said “well it doesn’t matter now because I’m putting in my notice at work” I lost it and told her I’m not going through with this, if she’s not going to share the winnings which is under both of our names I’ll divorce her and get half through the house and therefore half the winnings anway, this started another screaming match where she continued to call my a gold digger.
I’m absolutely exhausted and lost, I feel like my wife has been replaced by an imposter. I would’ve preferred not winning if I knew this was going to happen.
Conclusion
The narrator is experiencing significant distress and shock because his wife’s reaction to winning the lottery—insisting on quitting her job and claiming sole ownership over the decision regarding the funds—contradicts their previously shared understanding and goals for the money. The central conflict revolves around the narrator’s expectation of shared planning and reduced work for both partners versus the wife’s sudden, unilateral assertion of control over the financial outcome and future lifestyle.
Should the couple prioritize the previously agreed-upon shared family time, or does the wife have the right to dictate her future employment status entirely now that a major financial burden (the mortgage) is lifted? Is the husband’s insistence on shared commitment a reasonable boundary, or has his reaction pushed his wife toward an adversarial, defensive position?
Here’s how people reacted:
Coming into money flips some people out. Bear that in mind. She’s has flipped out into this part of her personality. There are aspects of this which make me smell narcissism but I am not professionally qualified to make that diagnosis.
You don’t say whether you have any access to the money. If you both have independent access to the same account, move half into an account you control. This would help you with the cost of divorce.
If you can’t do that for whatever reason, you’ll have to go to a lawyer and see how much it costs. Some will do a down payment and the rest on tab until the divorce is done.
You’ll have to pay your part unless the court awards all the costs to her.
Sadly, this isn’t uncomon. Some marriages survive a lottery win, some don’t. I feel like this has shown you very clearly that she seems to think it’s a one way street and not a joint enterprise. |But she also isn’t in her right mind at the moment. Your trust in her to care about your lives together looks like it has been wrecked to me. Think about where you would be in 5 years time if you stayed. No money because she’s torn through it all. How would you feel? How would she be behaving?
From what you have said, she seems unhappy with her life and has externalised that instead of taking charge and looking after her own life. I doubt she would consider it but she needs a good, ethical therapist.
It’s really quite simple…….first, you need to find out what the martial split laws are where you live.
You were married when your wife won, and therefore the winnings are probably considered MARTIAL assets, so she can forget that “MY” ticket bullshit.
Decisions about the money will have to made JOINTLY. And if you can’t agree….. then you may indeed have to divorce to claim your half or fair share.
Keep in mind, divorces are expensive and lawyers will keep you fighting tooth and nail as LONG as possible……to rack up THEIR fees, trying to get the best cut of that money, for THEMSELVES. So you will both lose a significant amount of money each hiring your own divorce lawyers. Selling the house……you lose another chunk to real estate agents, and again, all the necessary lawyers. Then once the house is sold, you will both need to use up both halves to find new housing….and you’ll end up with next to nothing or in debt actually, like many lotto winners find themselves just a few years down the road.
The fight will just end up giving what you are fighting over, to other people in the end.
You need to sit down and CALMLY talk about the best way to spend the money………or invest it, instead of thinking of ways to immediately blow it all.
You will have to sell the house and split the profits and you will both get half of the winnings. You have kids too so you should definitely try to get 50/50 custody. Because of her selfishness she will have to buy her own home and probably still work (unless she can be super frugal). You will have to buy a home as well so all of that “extra” won’t last long. Divorce lawyers will also get a big amount of the winnings.
She’s a selfish idiot. My advice to you, be frugal so you can keep working only school hours and invest the rest of the money or at least sit on it in a high yield savings account. The only thing you should use it for is to pay for a home so your monthly expenses are low. Don’t go crazy with the house though, just get what you need.
I paid for everything while my wife was a stay at home mom for 12 years. I was happy to do it and it made sense compared to child care and her potential earnings. It was tight but we were making it. But then kids are in Middle School and higher. I pay for her to go to university and get an accounting degree.
She gets a job and refuses to have her pay put into our joint account. She tells me its her money and she earned it.
I told her fine. I broke up all our bills 50/50 and told her she was responsible for her half. Life was great I was up a few grand a month and she was under water by a few hundred.
We are back to everything going into one pot and budgeting accordingly.
Perhaps try couples therapy as well.
Large sums of money don’t really change people but I can bring out some inner greed we don’t have when we don’t have the money to match the attitude.
Perhaps she needs to change jobs if her immediate thought is to just quit. Does she dislike her job or her coworkers? Is she in a stressful field and she’s burnt out?
And then you’ve got that comment there where she doesn’t do any housework and it all falls on you, want to bet that’s not going to change either even once she’s no longer working?
Yeah, I’d go through with it and leave her. NTA.
Some people are just so good at being secretly selfish and money is the best way of finding out what they’re really like. Get out while you can, it’s worth it in the end, trust me. NTA.
Just because you bought lottery tickets in the past, together, doesn’t mean it’s an unspoken rule indefinitely.
What do the laws in your region state about the legal owner of lottery winning gs if the winner is married?
If it was my wife I’d let her do what she wanted. In a few months she’d be bored, she will see that you are away working all the time and she’s being selfish and lazy.
She did just win the lottery. I think she needs to feel like she actually won something.
What kind of husband are you? My husband would never do this to me. Thank God
If she doesn’t return to reason, then it’s time for YOU to consult a divorce attorney.
It’s the way she’s acted. If you got sick or injured would she stay and help in the home or run away with her 50%?
Sorry, I laughed too hard at that one.
You have children.I hope everyone comes to their senses
Hopefully it’s not all gone before you separate and try claim.