Years later, when the older son married, the cost of weddings had increased significantly, so the parents provided $30,000 for that event. Now that the youngest son is getting remarried, he expects his parents to fund this second wedding, but the parents have refused, stating they will only pay for one wedding per child. The youngest son believes his father is acting like an ‘asshole’ over this decision.
My wife and I have 2 sons. My youngest was the first to get married. We spent about 10K on his wedding. Then when my oldest got married because years had passed and 10K was not enough for a wedding anymore we gave him 30K.
I believe we treated them equally because 5 years had passed between the weddings so realistically it would be unfair if we gave my oldest 10K as well. Now my youngest is getting remarried and he thinks we should pay for his second wedding as well.
I told him that this is not happening. We are only willing to pay for one wedding. The second wedding is his own responsibility. He thinks I’m an asshole. I think he is an adult and if he can’t pay for his own wedding he shouldn’t get married.
Conclusion
The core conflict centers on the parents’ decision to finance only the first wedding for each son, viewing the financial support as a one-time event, while the youngest son feels entitled to continued financial support for major life events, regardless of previous contributions.
The central question for debate is whether parents have an obligation to financially support a second marriage for an adult child, especially when they have already substantially funded the first, or if the responsibility for all subsequent life milestones rests entirely with the adult child.
Here’s how people reacted:
But the discrepancy between 10k & 30k aside, you helped pay for the first wedding, and the second wedding, and now there’s a third wedding; I see a trend, even if you don’t. If you’re sore that being asked a third time is more responsibility than you want, I’d have a conversation about what went wrong with the first marriage, and what’s different this time?; and I’d offer 10k towards the costs if the youngest son can persuade you that he can make this marriage last an appropriate lifetime…
Regardless, your younger son didn’t appear to have an issue until he wanted to get married again. It’s a kindness of parents to help pay for a first wedding, but it’s a one off expense. You’re not obliged to pay for anymore, even if you chose to give your older son much more. I hope he at least is still married to his first wife.
>I think he is an adult and if he can’t pay for his own wedding he shouldn’t get married.
Yeah and that’s why you gave your golden child 30k for it and his brother only 10k.
NTA for not paying any more weddings. But I mean.. if you think adults should pay for their own weddings.. you shouldn’t pay for the 1st one either.
So the younger kid isn’t entitled to any money, but you’re an asshole if you think what you did was fair. By any means. Younger child thinks you have a favorite. Do you?
ESH.
Costs did not go up $20k in only five years. Seems like you were unfair to your younger son. I’d be annoyed with you, [too.You](http://too.You) should have given them the same amount, and they could have decided how to spend it. Or, you could have paid for something specific, for example the photographer, for both, and managed the budget for each privately with your sons.
It’s your money, so you can do whatever you want with it. But if you believe that you should treat your sons equally, when it comes to monetary gifts, then you should agree to give the younger son the difference for his wedding.
What would have been fair was to tell both sons at the same time that $xxx was what you were going to give to each one and that was it.
Instead you give your favourite son 3 times more money and your other son gets angry and upset and you can’t see why?
I hope this is a fake post because if not I feel really bad for your son. I bet this isn’t the first time he has been treated unfairly.
Just say no if he wants to get married again he can pay for his own damn wedding, he is an adult you don’t have any financial responsibility for him.
I’d rather my folks put their money way away to enjoy in their older years than funding my life choices
Also giving three times the amount 5 years later is incredibly unfair. How much do you think inflation is?!? Do you potentially have a favourite child?
Solution – don’t pay for the second wedding, but do contribute the difference (I would say around 10k) to something you feel to be more worthy.
It’s not paying for a second wedding it’s about righting awful favouritism
YTA
You are favouring your second son. 10k vs 30k is a huge difference. That’s not because “weddings got more expensive in 5 years.”
YTA