Husband says I can’t have dinner because I served family first

The user, a 32-year-old woman who is six months pregnant, describes a conflict with her 32-year-old husband over dinner. Her husband had cooked burgers on the grill, and she focused on plating food for their children first so it could cool down.

When she finally went to get her own plate after serving the children, her husband claimed there were no burgers left for her because she did not listen to him when he told her to serve herself first. This escalated into an argument, leading the user to walk away, after which her husband followed her, blamed her for ruining dinner, and ultimately ate without her after she called him an ‘asshole’. The user is now questioning if she overreacted and should apologize for her language, despite feeling hurt by his behavior.

Husband says I can't have dinner because I served family first

So, I’m(f32) 6 months pregnant so I wonder if maybe I’m being emotional and hungry. But as the title states, my husband(m32) said there wasn’t dinner for me after I had helped plate good for my children.

He had made dinner this evening while I took care of some work around the house and decided to grill out. There were more than enough burgers made, and I started getting my childrens’ food ready so it had time to cool down.

My husband told me to get my own plate first but I told him I’d rather not have my food get cold while the kids wanted their food. I finally grabbed a plate for myself after serving the kids and my husband said, “well now there’s no burgers for you because you wouldn’t listen.” I was so confused because there were more burgers on the pan.

But he insisted that all of the burgers that were ‘ready’ were taken by him and the kids. I was already annoyed by the whole ‘because you wouldn’t listen’ comment, so we started arguing.

I walked away since he claimed ‘there wasn’t food for me’ and didn’t want things to escalate in front of everyone. He followed me to the other room and blamed me for ruining dinner.

I asked why none of the burgers at the table were for me and he kept repeating he told me to get my food first. I was getting sick of the fight and called him an asshole and he walked away and had dinner without me.

The reason I’m asking if AITAH is because I wonder if I should have just ignored his comment and got a burger from the tray. I also feel a little bad for walking away from the family dinner, especially since I am hungry.

But I’m more mad/hurt that he started talking to me like I was a child. And even if there weren’t enough burgers(which isn’t true), why wouldn’t he offer me his? It seems like he was looking for a fight.

But maybe I’m the one over analyzing things and I should just grow up and eat dinner on my own and at least apologize for calling him an asshole.

Here’s how people reacted:

Extra-Ad2751

NTA – How absurd. If there was enough to go around in the first place, why does it matter if you eat first or last?
More likely, he was cooking in batches and offered you something from the first batch which you declined, and the first batch was gone or accounted for. A good husband might held one back so you can have it when ready, offered his own or at least said he would bring a fresh one for you when the next batch was done. Burgers don’t take that long to cook. Your husband is a dick.

Goidelica

Your husband’s pathetic. This is the sort of thing spoiled little boys do in the playground. He’s humiliating and demeaning you over something so petty, it’s ridiculous. This may seem like a small incident but it says an awful lot about your dishrag of a man. I’d ask you to think on his behaviour more generally and tell us whether he’s always as miserable as this or if this is an isolated incident of bullying from him. At least ask yourself the question. NTA.

Sweet-Interview5620

You are married to and having another baby with a controlling emotionally manipulative asshole. He’s trying to condition you so you do whatever he says regardless if it not even impacting him. That’s an abusers tactic and him withholding food from his pregnant with is abusive. Time to look at your marriage and why your with him. Time to stop teaching your children to accept being abused if it’s by loved ones as that’s what they are watching and learning.

FutureRoll9310

I’m really not understanding there were no burgers left if there were burgers left?? But regardless, fgs don’t apologise. What kind of husband decides to shout at and punish his pregnant wife, never mind not feed her. I’m guessing he didn’t apologise or check on you after either. I never understand men who don’t look after and look out for their pregnant partners 100% of the time. You got a good un but I’m guessing you know that already.

grayblue_grrl

Your husband is an asshole. Abusive.
“Starving” a pregnant woman to punish her to control her behaviour?
In front of the kids?
Not in this lifetime.

I would be on the warpath.
He wouldn’t be eating anything I made ever again. There is no dinner for you.
He would rot in hell before I ever want anything made by him again.

What a piece of shit.

Furious on your behalf.
And your kids? WTF did dad do to mom?

NTA

SoMoistlyMoist

This is an abuse and manipulation. I don’t know any mother ever in my acquaintance or family that is not prepared their children’s plates first. Your husband is a dick head. Withholding food from you? What kind of enormous asshole does that? Especially you being pregnant. Stop cooking dinner for him. Feed yourself and your kids and fuck that guy.

Independent-Bat-3552

This is terrible behaviour on your husband’s part, if it’s true, he’s treating you like a child or like someone else said, as if you were his 🐕 dog! If you don’t ‘obey’ you don’t get fed! This is an enormous red 🚩 flag, I wouldn’t tolerate it for one minute longer than you have to – please get out & take good care of yourself. Good luck 🍀

Bearliz

Your husband is the AH. Kids come 1st. He should have helped you fix their plates or fixed one for you as you were finishing up theirs. This shit is abuse. I’d pack my kids up and go somewhere. If that wasn’t possible, I’d get in the car and take myself out to dinner and leave him to deal with the kids.

throwawayqweeen

he just wants to punish you for not mindlessly following his orders. i would order food and next time he decides to cook say you don’t want any because you don’t trust him to not hold it over your head and boss you around. he wants to feel like the big man he has to actually provide.

zeeelfprince

What are you, his slave? His dog?

“Eat when i tell you, or you don’t eat at all”

This would be concerning behavior under ANY circumstances, add to the fact that you’re pregnant with his kid and he’s trying to deprive you of nutrients and this is….

Something

Old_Comfort_6866

You better not apologize! He is an AH not just TAH! What you did is what anyone else would do and he just wanted to argue or belittle you for some reason?
I understand you got a lot of hormones floating around right now but you didn’t overreact.

hecknono

he’s controlling.

you may want to read this [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)

adult_child86

“In the future, I’ll order my own food. Clearly, being an asshole is more important to you than feeding your pregnant wife, and you have proven I can’t trust you to take care of me. I hope itbwas worth being a petty fucking child”

Gold_Adhesiveness_80

This is not about burgers or dinner. Your husband is punishing you his pregnant wife by denying you food because you did not obey him. I bet this isn’t the first time he’s “punished” you either. I hope you’re not a SAHM.

GetTheSweetSpot

You should have just grabbed the burger and started eating. The math doesn’t change if it’s already done. He’s just an asshole and you’re too avoidant to do anything. This marriage is on the rocks for sure.

sfrancisch5842

INFO:
How many kids do you have? Are they all his? If so…

Why the fuck isn’t your asshole husband helping his 6 month pregnant wife with his own children?

Deadbeat dad and an asshole? Sounds like it.

Huge-Personality-737

NTA but your husband sure is and a controlling one at that. That is also abuse. Go order your own food and make your husband an appointment with a psychiatrist because he needs some serious help.

Only_Music_2640

Has he always been abusive and controlling? Do you think this is a healthy environment for your children, watching their father abuse their mother? What are they learning from this behavior?

soft_cuddlemuffin

Ur not wrong for prioritizing ur kids and youre definitely not wrong for expecting to eat. The real q is why is ur husband treating you like a disobediant child instead of a partner?

Sorry-Analysis8628

For your sake, I really hope this is fake. If not, what you’re describing is a massive red flag, and I highly suggest you start reading up on abusive relationships.

Leading-Baseball-692

Are you seriously questioning if you’re TA on any level here? What has he done to you to make you believe that there is any chance of that being the case?

gastropod43

Your largest child had a tantrum and took away your burger because you did not obey his orders.

Who sounds like the ass to you?.

Apart-Scene-9059

This makes 0 sense.

I mean you can physically see the burgers right. If there were enough burgers….why not just take one?

hey_its_only_me

Sounds like he’s TA here but I’m confused by you thinking you should have gotten a burger from the tray. What does that mean?

BasicRabbit4

Husband refuses pregnant wife dinner bc she didn’t mindlessly obey him on a trivial matter.. this has to be rage bait.

midwestmusician

Bro fuck this guy. 6 months pregnant?! He should have cooked your food FIRST, sat you down and served YOU.

NTA.

No-Figure844

You are both assholes you for staying with such a controlling asshole and him for being a controlling asshole.

gabsthederp

What? You’re too nice, I would have thrown my empty plate at his head and told him to learn how to count.

Original_Rock5157

NTA Sounds like he’s controlling and rude. How difficult would it be to make sure you got a burger?

Right_Cucumber5775

You need to rethink being with your husband. He’s a controlling jerk. Mandate marital counseling.

Scary_Sarah

NTA this is psychotic behavior and borderline child abuse because the fetus needs to eat.

Cheap_Paint8709

Which one of your kids was supposed to NOT get a burger if you grabbed yours first?

VBolvin62

No, you aren’t, but you are an adult who he can’t boss around unless you let him!

faerieW15B

NTA. I’m deeply sorry to hear you’re having another child with this man.

ApocolypseJoe

This is abuse. He’s *starving* a pregnant woman. FFS, get out now.

Worldly_Act5867

Next time you cook, you try telling him what to take and when

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is caught between feeling physically hungry and emotionally hurt by her husband’s condescending language and refusal to share the available food, even when she was pregnant and serving the children. Her dilemma centers on whether her sharp reaction, calling him an ‘asshole,’ justifies his subsequent actions of withholding food and blaming her for the situation.

The core debate is whether the husband’s rigid enforcement of his instruction, coupled with a lack of consideration for her pregnancy and the availability of extra food, excuses the OP’s use of offensive language, or if she should have prioritized de-escalation and simply taken a burger from the tray.