The reason given for this change was the grandfather’s desire to keep his assets within the direct bloodline, as the brother did not plan to have biological children. Both the OP and her mother knew about this decision before the grandfather passed but kept silent, leading to the brother becoming furious upon finding out after the funeral. Now, the brother is demanding the OP give him his intended share, leading to a major family rift and the OP questioning her stance.
I (25F) have an older brother (36M) and he isn’t speaking to me about this. My grandfather passed away a few months ago after being sick for a while and was getting his will in order a while ago.
I found out through my mom just a month before my grandfather passed away that my grandfather was planning to leave me not only my intended part but also my older brother’s part. My brother is ten years older than me in his thirties and for the past three years has been with this woman.
She’s a single mom of three so my brother is their step father. They got engaged recently. I like his girlfriend and have met her a handful of times. They live in a different city hours away.
My mom told me he’s not leaving my brother anything because he’s dating a single mom and he doesn’t want his money to go towards kids that are not our families.
When I found out I was shocked and upset. My brother and I are not close but it felt wrong. Just because he’s dating a single mom shouldn’t mean he gets punished. My mom supported my grandfather and said it’s not personal it’s logical, as his biological granddaughter my future children will be his lineage so he wants that money to benefit them.
She told me not to say anything to my brother and reminded me of the conversation that we had with his fiance in the past where she warned me to not date men with kids and take on their “burden” so she would be hypocritical to be upset at this.
My mom also told me that his fiance sent her links for tours to private schools for her kids and the money would be better off for us. I wanted to speak to my grandfather myself just to make sure those were his wishes and he doubled down.
He said that he didn’t work his ass off for years to leave money for anyone other than blood. And that he already spoke to my brother about this when he started dating his fiance and warned him to at least have one biological child but he didn’t.
I asked my roommate her opinion and she said that her dad is only leaving his assets to her and her sister not her stepsister and that’s it’s normal.
I didn’t say anything to my brother because I didn’t know how to bring it up but after my grandfather passed he’s obviously found out and livid. He said were disgusting for being assholes to kids just because they’re not our blood.
He’s also mad my mom and I knew and didn’t say anything. I told him our grandfathers reasoning and he said it’s BS and doesn’t make sense and that my future kids are not any more my grandfathers blood than his step kids.
He says I should still give him his part since it’s now mine not my grandfathers and I said no. I want to live a comfortable life and have kids that don’t have to worry about money and I just feel like him already being a homeowner and successful in his career, what would he need the money for?
He said he wants it to provide for his family and I just said no again. He says we’re assholes and hasn’t spoken to me and our mom. His fiance also texted me saying that we’ve know alienated her and her kids from our family and we only have ourselves to blame.
Conclusion
The OP is currently in a difficult position, holding assets that her brother believes should be his, based on what he considers a fair distribution and a moral objection to punishing his stepchildren. The central conflict revolves around the OP’s decision to honor the grandfather’s specific, albeit harsh, wishes regarding bloodline inheritance versus her brother’s perception of familial fairness and the emotional impact of excluding his fiancée’s children.
Should the OP adhere strictly to the will, maintaining her financial security based on the grandfather’s stated intent, or is there a moral obligation to share the contested portion with her brother, given his claim that the money should support the family he has already built?
Here’s how people reacted:
Money was being left to grandchildren, not great grandchildren. If he only wanted it to be for your children’s benefit, he could have set up a trust for them. But instead he left it to relatively young adults. Your grandfather did this to be vindictive, not because he didn’t want the money to go to your brother’s step children. That’s probably decades away, and who knows what will happen between now and then? He could get divorced, change his mind about having kids, squander all of the money, invest it wisely and create a return many times over, etc. This is about now, not the future.
You have no obligation to give the money, and your grandfather was the bigger AH for sure. But you’re keeping it for selfish reasons and will ruin your relationship with your brother and possibly others over it. Do you really imagine everyone who finds out about this over the rest of your life will be ok with it? What about your future spouse? If I found out someone I was dating would screw over a sibling for greed, I would be gone. I’m sure there are plenty of others who would too. It would be moronic to trust you.
My nana only gave 1 of 7 great grand kids anything and skipped us grandkids altogether for no reason except she thought that 1 kid would need it more. That kid wasted it and was also the only one who rarely saw nana except when she wanted money. There was a lot of tension in the family because of her singling out1 person. You’re going to implode any relationship with your brother because you and your mum are greedy when previously you didn’t agree with it.
YTA
It’s your money, you can choose what you want to do with it. I just hope you don’t end up with fertility issues and are unable to have biological children.
I say this as a woman who was a single mom. My oldest was 3 when I married my spouse. I’m very glad his own family is very blended (his parents are both divorced and remarried) so there lots of step and half siblings in the family. I would be absolutely crushed if my spouse were to be intentionally excluded from something due to his choice of being with me.
I got pregnant fairly quickly after our wedding. His grandmother reached out to me herself while I was pregnant to get important information about me (maiden name, date of birth) and my oldest son, so that we BOTH could be added into her will. Along with our child together once they were born. Also, as someone who is NC with my mother, blood relatives aren’t the holy grail you & your family seem to think it is.
I really don’t mean to sound judgmental. It’s a valid choice for both of you to make. You get to choose money and stability over a relationship with a distant older brother, who you might not love that much anyway. He gets to choose not to want a relationship with someone who would conspire with his grandfather to disinherit him because apparently imaginary descendants are more important than a living grandson.
However, you don’t get to blame your brother or think that he’s greedy over this. You’ve made your choice. You’ve cosigned your grandfather’s values. You’ve got to live with it.
Isn’t your brother a blood relative? Were there any other conditions for the money? Are you allowed to do anything you want with the money? If you donate 50 bucks to an animal shelter is the spirit of your dead grandfather going to haunt you because he is not blood related to those animals? Your grandfather’s decision is gross. Your decision is gross. Yes, you are the a******.
> “that my future kids are not any more my grandfathers blood than his step kids.”
Why would your brother say this? Are you adopted, infertile, etc? Because if not, then any children you physically aid in making will be blood relatives of your grandfather.
Regardless, what your grandfather did was… Eh… Morally questionable… But he didn’t technically owe ANYONE money. He could’ve done anything with it, it was his. Now, the money you got is yours. You aren’t obligated to give it away either.
But if she’d done that, then I wouldn’t have had a grandmother I am so proud of nor would I have a relationship with my uncle (who found happiness in his second marriage) and his lovely wife and stepson.
I hope you reconsider.
YTA
The way I see it, your brother is marrying this woman and therefore he considers her children his own. Ergo, they are your family.
At which point nothing stops you from choosing to spend money on them. Or gift your brother your money. Or anything else.
If you decide not to, that’s also your choice, but it does show a lack of acceptance of them as family certainly and does smack of selfishness.
You don’t have to give him any money since it was your gross grandfather’s gross choice not to leave his assets to both of his grandsons. But don’t expect you brother to be gracious about it to you or to your mother.
Now, what happens if you fall in love with someone who has kids from a previous relationship? Lucky you to not have to worry about losing your inheritance because it.
I completely get were your grandpa is coming from . When my time comes my children will inherit money specifically to them and in my case to my grand children but not my step grandchildren .
Now what my daughter chooses to do with her inheritance is up to her but in the end my priority are my kids and grand kids
Your grandfather decided money was more important than family, blood or chosen.
You decided money was more important than family as well, I hope your future family happens sooner rather than later for you so holidays won’t be so lonely. Good news now is you don’t have to worry about buying them a wedding gift 🤷🏻♀️
The fact that the fiancee started sending links to private schools, yeah, thats most likely what Grandpa was trying avoid. His hard earned money being wasted by a gold digger.
I was on brothers side until his fiance texted you in order to guilt you. She should have stayed silent. Her sending private school brochures and laying a guilt trip on you makes me wonder what she really cares about…your brother or money…
Your grandfather made his wishes known. Follow your grandfather’s will.
Granddad already let the brother know he was out the will so idk why he expected anything lol girl keep your money and enjoy life your brother and his fiancé will be ok
But you have your money and future divorce to pay for.
You should have taken the money and then given your brother his half.
Do what you think is right with the money.
You’re his blood and so is your brother. Scene.