The plan backfired when the delivery driver reacted negatively, telling her to stop. When Casey later recounted this story to her boyfriend seeking comfort, OP responded by labeling her the ‘perpetrator’ of sexual harassment, comparing her actions to inappropriate public exposure. This caused Casey to become highly upset, leading to a significant argument where she insisted she was the victim, leaving OP confused about his reaction.
My [25m] girlfriend [24f] and I have been dating for about a year. I’ll call her Casey here. We have lived together for two months.
A few hours ago, Casey approached me saying that she wanted to talk about something “serious.” At first, I didn’t know what to expect, but she wanted to share something traumatic that had happened to her before we met, and she asked if I would be willing to listen.
I of course said yes, I would, if she’d be willing to share.
Casey hesitated for a second, like she wasn’t sure about telling me, but then gave me the full story. What happened was when she was a university student, she had a crush on a pizza guy.
He worked at a small shop near her apartment, and he would often deliver to her. She wanted to ask him out, but she wasn’t sure how, so she consulted her friends.
Her friend group talked over it, and then one brought up the suggestion of answering the door in lingerie. The others jumped onto the idea quickly, and while Casey had doubts, they quickly convinced her to try it.
They apparently even went shopping for the lingerie together.
Casey put on makeup, did her hair, and ordered a pizza. When the guy came, she did exactly as her friends suggested: she opened the door in skimpy lingerie. The pizza guy initially didn’t address it, but Casey, “desperate,” pushed the topic.
She asked him, “What do you think about my outfit?”
He responded, “Dude, please don’t do that,” and then left. At this point in the story, Casey was near tears, and she told me how embarrassed and sick she felt.
I almost expected more from the story, but she was finished. I then said, “Uh … you do realize that you weren’t the victim, but the perpetrator, right?” She literally recoiled at this comment.
She elaborated by blaming everybody else: her friends for “tricking” her, society in general, and even the pizza guy that she sexually harassed.
To this I responded that she’s like those guys who touch themselves in hotels, intentionally getting the maids to walk in on them. She insisted it was completely different, and a full-blown argument ensued.
She finished the argument with “I came to you to feel better and now I feel WORSE!” and stormed away.
I don’t even know. I feel so disgusted with her right now. Was I the asshole for my comments when she felt vulnerable?
Conclusion
The core conflict stems from a fundamental disagreement regarding accountability for past actions. OP believes Casey engaged in clear sexual misconduct and reacted honestly to what he perceived as a lack of ownership from her side. Casey, however, sought validation and comfort for an experience that left her feeling embarrassed, framing the event through the lens of victimization rather than recognizing her role in the interaction.
The situation forces a difficult choice between validating a partner’s emotional pain during disclosure and holding firm to one’s ethical assessment of behavior. The central question remains: Should OP prioritize immediate emotional support for Casey, even if it means sidestepping his discomfort with her past actions, or was his blunt assessment necessary despite causing her distress in that moment?
Here’s how people reacted:
She was in her own home wearing her own clothes, not even naked, and took no for an answer when the pizza guy rejected her. Would a breastfeeding mom also be harassing the pizza guy if she answered the door with her boob out? How about a man just out of the shower wearing only a towel? She was not trying to embarrass him or make him uncomfortable or exert power over him. She didn’t even proposition him, she just asked what he thought.
This is nothing like a hotel mastrubator, whose intent is to harass and harm. She made a (clumsy, poorly thought out) pass and she accepted it like an adult when he declined that pass. If a man had made a clumsy but genuine pass at a woman, and gracefully took no for an answer, would you REALLY be screaming sexual harassment?
Mean girls can be horrible and do full on psychology warfare. Sounds like your girlfriend may have been coerced or significantly pressured into doing that, which does make her a victim. It’s worth having a discussion with her further and asking her about those friends and how they treated her.
Honestly though this is one of those things above reddits pay grade. Victims can be perpetrators too. This is something for a professional, especially if it’s bothering your gf so much.
What did she expect you to say, seriously?
“It’s his loss”?
“I’m so lucky to have you because you could have been with him instead of me”?
She is looking for an ego boost because in her mind she can’t handle being rejected by someone who should be flattered that she went to all that trouble.
The guy wasn’t interested in her advances and she didn’t like the knockdown.
If the roles had been reversed and a gentleman stripped down to his tighty whities while she was trying to do ger job, he would be called a pervert. She is no different. The guy is just doing his job
She was embarrassed and Pbly felt shame since she was “ rejected “. She simply needed your validation of this scarring her due to the shane of doing it and the pizza person rejecting her (Pbly for professional and personal reasons).
You dismissed this incident and made her feel like she wasn’t important. Check out “attachment styles”.
Perfect example of things that she would’ve been immediately condemned for if she was a man. (and rightfully so for any gender)
Poor guy just trying to earn minimum wage. I’ve been there and it sucks.
I couldn’t coddle her ass either. She needs to grow tf up and own her shit.
Then see where it goes from there.
Update me…
Pizza Guy was just trying to do his job. He doesn’t need customers doing that to him. If pizza guy was a woman and the customer was a man, there would be no argument who the victim was.
She needs to get a grip on reality and be grateful that guy did not lay charges
NTAH
Secondly what was her end game after opening the door? TeamSkeet scene?
Reddit, hire me, I can write better crap than this.
We are getting more and more sensitive as time goes by.
I think she feels more traumatized by the fact that she was dumb enough to believe this was a good idea.
NTA
What a creep.
Maybe rethink your life choices?🤷