During their first sexual experience, the user experienced significant pain, cramping, and deep stomach pain lasting several hours. This continued in subsequent encounters, prompting a doctor’s visit. The doctor found no diagnosable issue but suggested more foreplay or noted a potential size incompatibility between the partners. When the user shared this information, the boyfriend reacted by becoming flattered and repeatedly bragging about his size, refusing to change their intimate technique despite repeated requests because it consistently caused her pain. This led to a major argument when the user snapped during sex due to the pain and confronted him about his ego, making her now question if she was wrong for her reaction.
Ugh okay this is actually the dumbest issue I think I’ve ever had. I’ve never used Reddit before (but I see them on tik tok) so this is literally me making this account to ask this stupid question.
My boyfriend (m27) and I (f20) have been dating for just around 6 months now. In the past two, we’ve started being intimate. Now for context, my bf is not my first but he is only the second person I’ve ever slept with and the first person I’ve slept with repeatedly.
So in some ways, he is my first in a lot of things.
So I noticed that during our first time, it was honestly quite painful. The penetration and the movement was cramping rather than anything pleasurable and it made me have pain really deep in my stomach for about 3 hours afterwards.
I thought this might be a one time thing and maybe I just needed more before stuff, so we tried again.
Same thing. This proceeded to happen every time we slept together. Eventually it worried me so much that I went to my doctor. My doctor told me that there was nothing wrong with my diagnosable (except for bruising on my cervix that would go away on its own) and suggested what I thought- more “before”.
She also told me that sometimes people can be seriously just incompatible with sizes. I am only 5’1 and she basically insinuated that my bf’s size is too large for me.
Of course I went on a google dive and told my bf this. His reaction- to be flattered. Quite literally so impressed with himself.
And I have NOT heard the end of it. Every time we talk about it he gets this dumb proud look on his face like “yes, I’m so large we have to do this different.” He often brags about it to me in a subtle way, like I haven’t been the one to point it out.
And the worst part is he literally will not change the way we do it. I’ve told him multiple times that slamming into me makes it soooo much worse and he’ll apologize and say “I forgot” as in, he forgot about his size.
He’s so proud to say it. I literally have not enjoyed sex with him one single time.
So eventually, I snapped on him. He kept repeatedly thrusting into me like he does and It hurt so bad- causing me to snap when I normally wouldn’t. I pushed him away rather hard and he was so offended.
Tears immediately started flowing and I told him to stop letting his dumb big ego get to his head and stop bragging about hurting me and his stupid size.
He literally slammed the bathroom door in my face. It is the biggest fight we’ve ever had. I ended up apologizing and he accepted it but honestly the more I think about it, the less I feel like I was in the wrong.
So what do you think?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is in a situation where her physical discomfort and pain during sex are being dismissed or even celebrated by her boyfriend, who seems overly proud of his physical size. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need for physical consideration, safety, and pleasure, and the boyfriend’s apparent need to validate his ego through bragging about the very characteristic that is causing her distress.
The core question is whether the OP was justified in reacting strongly to repeated physical pain that was being ignored or minimized by her partner’s inflated ego, or if her outburst was an overreaction to a situation that should have been handled with more gentle communication. The debate hinges on balancing the boyfriend’s perceived pride against the OP’s actual experience of physical harm and lack of enjoyment.
Here’s how people reacted:
But anyways, I imagine it’s a miserable experience to feel used and unfulfilled with a selfish partner.
I’m sorry. NTA at all.
If so, that’s a huge concern. It sounds like he knows he’s hurting you and isn’t trying to make the experience better. That’s not really different than hurting someone in a different way like hitting them. You have NOTHING to apologize for, Pushing him away when he was deliberately hurting you during intimacy is entirely appropriate. Making you feel guilty for doing so is NOT. Gaslighting you with an “I forgot” is abusive.
I hope you can take an objective look at this part of your life and ask yourself if this person is respecting you, is acting with full consent, and has your best interests at heart. I think you should be concerned about this behavior and whether this is someone you should be with. Please be careful and stand up for yourself. And be aware that this behavior may escalate over time. Be safe and don’t be afraid to ask family or friends for help if the abuse continues or escalates.
And babes. He’s 27. You’re 20. Women his own age aren’t willing to put up with that mentality—the one that also makes him think that having a whopping dong is better than being a damn good lover while he physically abuses them during what should be an intimate act. I’d cut my losses and save my cervix. Find a partner who actually puts your pleasure as a top priority during intimacy rather than manipulating you and claiming that physically hurting you without and *against* your consent is his kink.
But really he’s inconsiderate of your feelings and your actual physical pain. I wouldn’t stay with someone like that. You’re not just sexually incompatible, you’re incompatible because he does nothing to try and mitigate your pain.
Idk if I have the same problem as you, but sex with bigger partners really hurts me too. I tend to be clear on dating apps, after knowing I clock with someone, that I can’t and won’t handle anything more than 6″. 6.5 is pushing it because some positions are just so painful.
Maybe be open about that with future partners now that you know.
And stop having sex with this person that hurts you on purpose.
Not only does he have an ego bigger than what’s good for him, he also doesn’t give a shit about hurting you apparently.
He didn’t ‘forget’ that it hurts you. He simply doesn’t care.
Dump him OP, this guy only cares about 2 things, his ego and having sex.
Any man that ignores your pain for his own pleasure and gets angry when you defend yourself, isn’t worth being with.
And yes, you were defending yourself with that push. He was hurting you! He knew he was hurting you and continued doing it repeatedly. What’s the difference between this and hitting you? Think about it!
I’ll say it again, Dump this loser!
I’m also 5’1 and my husband is bigger than average. There are certain positions that he can go super rough in (which I do enjoy), and there are some where he has to be careful and can’t fully insert himself. We’ve been together 13 years and there have been like maybe 4 times max where he has gotten a little too keen and hurt me where I’ve sort of yelped and smacked him away. If he hurt me every single time, we never would have lasted.
Oh, and he is an inconsiderate AH.
NTA.
NTA for standing up to him
You were justified in snapping. Pain during intimacy isn’t a joke, and his refusal to adjust shows immaturity.
He’s treating you like an object, not a person.
NTA
You can control things better that way.
But short of that, maybe you’re just incompatible.
The fuck?