The parents maintained an amicable divorce process for the sake of their two daughters, aged 13 and 15, though the separation significantly impacted the children. Following the finalized divorce, the OP focused heavily on fitness and decided to engage in casual hookups, inviting partners over when the daughters were staying with their mother. This arrangement was disrupted when the older daughter discovered these visits through a Ring app notification she had access to, leading to a confrontation where she expressed discomfort, stating the actions were disrespectful to her mother.
My ex wife and I finalized our divorce proceedings last year after her one night stand. The one night really hurt me and it made me really sad and angry. My ex wife did apologize a lot and was willing to do anything I asked but I lost all emotions for her.
She really wanted reconciliation and I will admit I did reconsider reconciliation for a moment, but I ultimately decided I couldn’t do it. My ex wife and I however did keep the divorce amicable for the sake of our daughters, who are 13 and 15.
But the divorce did affect our daughters a lot.
After the divorce was finalized, I wasn’t in any mood to have a relationship but I did want to hookup and kind of become wild. The divorce proceedings took a year, and in that time I did spend a lot of time on in the gym and on physical fitness, and by the time the divorce was finalized, I was the fittest I have ever been in my life.
And I have had some success on dating apps, I invite them over to my house when my daughters are away at their mom’s, we spend the night just relaxing, cooking dinner, watching movies, we do the deed, and then they leave the next morning.
However, what I forgot when I first bought someone over was that my older daughter had the Ring App installed on her app, so she could see who I invited in. And I hadn’t turned off the Ring camera when I invited my date in.
My older daughter confronted me after seeing that, and she said she wasn’t comfortable with it. I tried to be understanding, but my daughter was being really confrontational and she said it was disrespectful to her mom.
That’s when I finally put my foot down, and told her it’s none of her business who I decide to date or bring over when she’s not in the house. I also removed my daughter’s email from the Ring account, so she can no longer view the Ring camera.
AITAH?
Conclusion
The OP is currently in a position where he is asserting his autonomy as a single parent to pursue casual dating and intimacy, feeling justified in setting boundaries regarding his personal life when his daughters are not present. This stance directly conflicts with his older daughter’s perception that his behavior dishonors her mother and violates an assumed standard of respect within the newly structured family dynamic.
The core debate lies between the OP’s right to privacy and independent adult life post-divorce versus the daughter’s expectations regarding parental conduct and loyalty to the family unit, even one that is legally dissolved. Is the OP justified in removing his daughter’s access to the security camera feed to protect his privacy, or did his actions cross a line regarding the sensitivity of the situation?
Here’s how people reacted:
Your kids don’t know why you’re divorced and then the actual proof they have of your separation is you inviting another woman into your house. You don’t get to be an asshole father for the excuse of being a martyr. Either be transparent with them about infidelity and why you as adult have chosen to meet new people, or hold off on getting your dick wet until you can adequately have a conversation with your kids who are innocent and confused in all of this.
This story didn’t start with you being the asshole but you’re doing a hell of a job changing the narrative in the eyes of your own children. Even if you’re not the ass, acting like one automatically makes you one. Shutting your kids out while they are trying to understand the state of the only family they have ever known is the definition of a selfish asshole parental thing to do.
You are indeed entitled to date or hook up or whatever. And she is entitled to feel her feelings about it. If you want to maintain a relationship with your daughter (who will soon be old enough to cut your ass off) you need to find a way to calm down and be the bigger person.
Putting your foot down will do no good, no matter why you two split, you both really hurt your kids, and instead of being understanding even if it’s just lip service, you told her, that her opinion doesn’t matter when she is definitely still hurting.
It takes a long time for kids for recover from divorces, and they need time to adjust to you being single, and eventually dating before they’re actually confronted with a person.
I’ve been divorced and so had my current wife, it just takes time for them, when we divorce we blow up their life too, and gave them no say in that.
So they get no say in how their life is structured or who or when you date. I’m sure she’s pretty pissed at you right now.
Keep in mind that your kids are possibly watching your every move from their own cameras when you bring your hookups home so keep it seemly until the bedroom door is closed. Does that cramp your style? Then get a hotel room.
Plus, are you locking your children’s doors when these women come over? You are inviting randoms into the home you share with your children. No matter how angry you are with them, they don’t deserve to have strangers riffling through their drawers or being bent over their bed by dad. Your daughters also share that shower.
And everyone saying tell your daughters, don’t do that. It’s none of your business and at this point, you’ve probably hooked up with more people than your ex has after the one night stand based on how your phrasing it.
If you want to have them with your kids not around, that’s all you.
But DO NOT TELL YOUR DAUGHTERS. Keep your romantic life private whether that be with new partners or how your marriage ended. That’s their mother. If she’s a good mother, she doesn’t deserve that at all. Maybe when they’re both adults, but not now.
She’s a teen she’s not going to explain her feelings well but unless you start seriously dating and they meet and see your children before you invite them into your home. CONGRATS FOR CHOOSING HAVING RANDOM WOMAN IN YOUR HOUSE OVER YOUR CHILDREN’S SAFE SPACE YTA YTA YTA
Decide: Get your dick regularly wet with strangers in what (presumably) was their family home, or tend to the needs of your daughters, who have been through a lot in the divorce.
You’re risking pushing your daughters out of your life.
Like do that shit at the woman’s house or wait until your daughters are adults and moved out. But it’s really gross to bring random women into their home and not even consider how it’s impacting them
Your older daughter has moved up to be the “wife” Don’t let this happen. Definitely only have the ring app on when she is in your home alone, if she ever is. I’d be a little gentler and say, “When I meet someone that I think you need to meet, I’ll let you know” and leave it at that.
You can tell them about what Mom did but to say it isn’t their business what kind of women you bring around just is stupid
She probably showed it to her mom, and just repeating her words.
If she doesn’t live there full time, she doesn’t need the app. It’s your house, not hers.
You reap what you sow.
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