After the user finished cooking, they began eating, and the boyfriend voiced strong distaste for the dish, linking it to the whitewashing of his culture. The situation escalated when the boyfriend suddenly threw both his plate and the user’s plate, which she was actively eating from, directly into the trash. The user is now doubting whether her reaction to this action was justified.
My boyfriend and I made dinner tonight from one of those meal delivery services (like Hello Fresh). It was called loaded pork taquitos. We forgot to pick our meals for this week so they were chosen for us.
So we cooked the recipe together (usually he does the prepwork like cutting veggies while I do the cooking). I knew already that my boyfriend wasn’t excited about this recipe. He’s Mexican and doesn’t like Tex-Mex.
However, I didn’t know the extent to which he disliked it as we’ve had it before from other places (but he always commented his disdain for the food). So I finished cooking the dish and we started eating it.
Of course, it wasn’t as good as authentic Mexican food, but I thought it tasted pretty good honestly. I asked him how he felt about it and he expressed his disdain for the dish, talking about how he feels like it’s what’s wrong with Tex-Mex and how it whitewashes his culture.
I was listening but still eating the food because I was hungry and I just feel like eating something you cooked makes the experience better. Then, he suddenly says that he hated the dish and he is too disgusted to have it eaten in our household.
He took his plate and my plate and threw them directly into the trash, literally as I had my fork on the plate eating it.
We got into a fight afterwards as I feel like him taking the food I was eating, disregarding any choice I had in the matter was wrong. I do understand how he feels, though. As another poc, it is frustrating to feel like your culture is being appropriated, erasing your community’s history.
In our argument afterward, I told him that I respect how he feels about it and that we won’t eat Tex-Mex anymore—I just didn’t know he felt that strongly about it before. But I still disagree with what he did as I felt that it completely disregarded how I felt.
I feel like if he had explained how strongly he felt about it, I would have stopped eating the food out of respect for him. However, he thinks that me being upset about his actions is wrong and indicative of my lack of respect for his culture.
So, AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is conflicted because while she understands and respects her boyfriend’s cultural concerns regarding the food, she feels that his action of abruptly throwing away her meal while she was eating it was a severe violation of her personal boundaries and disregarded her feelings in the moment.
The central question revolves around balancing respect for deeply held cultural identity against the right to bodily autonomy and fair communication in a relationship: Was the boyfriend justified in his extreme reaction due to cultural offense, or did his action of discarding the OP’s food while she was eating demonstrate a complete lack of respect for her as an individual?
Here’s how people reacted:
>He’s Mexican and doesn’t like Tex-Mex.
Perfectly reasonable. There is where the argument should have ended. He could say; this isn’t authentic Mexican food and I don’t like it. Done.
If anything is offensive in my eyes, it’s throwing away food that’s perfectly fine, while there are so many people starving and struggling to get by. It’s incredibly priviliged to be throwing out food just to make a statement, and I know those meal delivery services aren’t cheap, so what the hell. I can’t imagine his Mexican family would approve of that behaviour.
>As another poc, it is frustrating to feel like your culture is being appropriated, erasing your community’s history.
Can you eloborate on this? How is the existence of Tex Mex (in this example) erasing his community’s history? How is he or anyone being affected? For starters, if he only wants to eat authentic Mexican food, then he should do his own damn groceries and not depend on a meal delivery service.
People need to realise that in a multicultural society people, traditions, cultures, food, is going to mix. The beauty in all of this, is that everyone is free to CHOOSE. As someone who lives in Europe, I fully understand that if I get Chinese take out, it isn’t authentically Chinese food as they eat in China. I know it, they know it, everyone is okay with this. Me eating ‘whitewashed’ Chinese take out is in no way affecting the Chinese community, nor is it harmful for anyone.
I think your bf is overreacting and he needs to check his own privilige before crying ‘cultural appropriation’ which in my opinion is a term being thrown around so loosly it’s losing it’s impact.
Curious to see how you feel about this.
I am not a fan of the term cultural appropriation at least not as it’s commonly used, and I say this as a person of color. Throughout history culture was never really a solid concept, it was fluid and susceptible to influence from other cultures. Whether it was fashion, food, or architecture. Even beliefs were subject to change over time. People need to realize that being a global society means that cultures will experience an evolution. Realistically speaking the way a person’s culture is celebrated today isn’t the same way it was celebrated 20 years ago and is vastly different from how it was celebrated 100 years ago. There’s also a difference in the understanding of the culture from a 3rd+ generation immigrant from a native. I’m a second generation half Japanese, trust me I do not practice or know everything about my culture on either side I celebrate what I know and I strive to know more. But I also know that it needs to keep up with the times in order to exist. So if that means white people have to create something like a California roll and call it sushi, even though it’s not, I’m fine with that. Because I know that if we cling to the past we’re more likely to lose a hold of it.
However if someone, let say, tried to trade mark the word kimono, as if they invented it and are no where near being Japanese, that would be cultural appropriation.
This is nothing about culture and everything to do with your boyfriend’s inability to self regulate like an appropriate adult. Italians don’t go around destroying deep dish ‘pizza’ for ‘disrespecting their culture’, they just avoid whatever they personally don’t like. Same for anyone from literally any subculture. Don’t like it, don’t eat it. But snatching is something small children are taught is wrong.
You might want to evaluate why your boyfriend felt so entitled to your body that he somehow had the right to ‘veto’ what you put in it. NTA
This is really problematic behaviour.
I appreciate his sense of dislike about Tex-Mex being a poor pastiche of authentic Mexican food, but at what point could we start accepting it in modern day as fusion and adaptation?
By all means he can express disappointment in Tex-Mex for whatever reason he likes, and he can ask for it not to be cooked in your home (ASK) but surely the better response would have been to agree to make sure you a) don’t miss choosing your meals with HF going forward and b) you make a mutual agreement to avoid Tex-Mex.
The fact he threw your food away is a big no no.
NTA
He is welcome to dislike the food or even hate what it symbolizes, but his actions were unnecessarily aggressive. You have had this type of food before, you did not choose this dish, you have already cooked it and were eating.
You boyfriend didn’t need to throw the food away like this, it doesn’t improve anything, just an AH move. And him dismissing you being upset with his actions is dressed up gaslighting.
He could have said he preferred not to have it, ask to give it away and order in or eat out. He could have said he doesn’t feel like eating it, and would you mind having something else. But no, he grabs your plate and throws it away. What’s next?
\~ Eclipse
Even if you agree with his views on cultural appropriation, the issue of Tex-Mex was still something you were discussing in that moment. Maybe he would have convinced you to discard that food but he took that choice away from you. Even if his views are right, it was something you were still debating. He can’t just jump to the end and enforce his views on you. That denies your agency. He did things in the wrong order and wound up acting in a manner that is patriarchal and controlling. Being right about cultural appropriation would not make sexism and denying your agency okay.
1) cultures adapting and mixing isn’t “appropriation” white people + mexican people blending food preferences together is natural cultural evolution, white people making authentic mexican food is just people making food. arguments this are literally segregationist
2) grabbed it out of your hands and threw it away because it offended him? food on a plate? He can use any kind of reasoning he wants, he’s being controlling and weird.
Just fyi, this is not normal. I know plenty of “Mexicans”, and non of them have a problem with texmex on general principal like this.
I can’t imagine how messed up in the head you have to be to do something like that…. You don’t need that in your life.
There’s plenty of dishes which blend influences without people jumping up and down saying they are being whitewashed
Your bf sounds like a complete dick for throwing your meal away because he had a hissy fit
It’s not like it was free either so he not only left you hungry but threw money spent on it away too
I’m a Mexican from Texas and it was US who put the spin on our food 😒 Are we disrespecting ourselves by his nonsensical standards, ugh.
He can kick rocks as far as I’m concerned, also, taking food from your hand because his knickers were in a twist is pathetic.
He was upset about food so instead of mentioning it before preparing it or speaking like an adult, he decided to prepare and cook the food, throw a tantrum and waste your food and money.
He wasted perfectly edible food because he isn’t capable of communicating as an adult. Ick.
Tex-Mex is basically just Tejano food, which means it’s Mexican in origin. Just because the nickname comes from ‘Texas’ and ‘Mexico’ doesn’t make it inherently American.
Also, he wasted food, that you helped prepare for the both of you. It was an overreaction for sure.
Does he think “Tex-Mex” was invented by white people?
Wasn’t TexMex prioneered by Mexicans anyway? It’s americanized, doesn’t mean white folks created it.
Does he ever do anything else that is this unreasonable?
NTA
If he felt that strongly about it he should have said before you even started prepping the meal. Taking someone’s food as they are eating it and binning it is so darn rude!
Buy a fucking burger and after he takes a bite throw it in the trash. Tell him how insulting it is that he enjoyed that “culturally inappropriate” meal.
Take this is your sign sweetie, run for your damn life. He is a marinara dinner of red flags.
Everyone make changes to the food ,
I cook different cultural food but according to my taste for me
NTA.
Seriously, this behavior is a red flag.
I think you should run.
long hyphen AI fake story