I’m curious how old you are? Not trying to be condescending, legitimately curious.

I went to the bachelor party of the man that married my sister. Yes, strippers were hired, they did grind on him and no, he did not violate any brother boundaries. I would have beat the shit out of him but that was not implied going into the night. He had a fun time and they were happy until he passed.

I did not have any party before I got married. Just my choice. One thing I noticed about your post is you didn’t elaborate about your bachelor party. Why is that and what happened? A little more context is required before judgment can be rendered.

Please don’t make a snap decision if you two are young. There are conversations that need to be had and more context as to what happened at YOUR bachelor party.

NTA.

>A lot of friends and family on my fiancee’s side think this was really harsh.

Good for them. Except, they’re not marrying her, so their opinion is irrelevant. If this is serious enough to you to create doubt, don’t ignore that.

>my fiancee did apologize and say her friends just wanted a more adventurous bachelorette party.

Cool, when she grows into a person who can tell her friends “no,” then she might be ready for marriage.

FWIW, I think the whole “one last hurrah” bullshit is just that. It’s bullshit. Unless you’re both non-manogamous or marrying for something other than love, you should be at peace with one piece for the rest of your life well before you even decide to get married.

YTA. That’s a stupid reason to cancel a wedding and you overreacted. First off, the dude she was grinding on is a stripper. It’s his job to get women hot and bothered so they have a good time. She was drunk with her girlfriends at HER bachelorette party, so it was an extenuating circumstance. If she was hooking up with some random dude on a random weekend night, then I’d get breaking it off, but what she did wasn’t damning by any means since it was HER bachelorette party. That’s actually really tame for a bachelor/bachelorette party, so you come off like a prude with little life experience.

ESH. I’ll give you credit for taking time to think it over first, but did you at least discuss party deal breakers beforehand? Were boundaries of what constitutes cheating or what is unacceptable laid out plainly before the parties took place? Having boundaries is great, but punishing someone for breaking double secret probation rules is bullshit. I also find her behavior questionable and just because at that point she was “only dancing” doesn’t mean she wasn’t doing a different tango later where there was no camera around.

If it was a betrayal in your mind, then that’s all that matters. I will say that you more than likely were already having doubts or were having trouble trusting her for some reason. I don’t know if that would be enough to break up with someone that I had planned on marrying a month from now. Would definitely need to have some conversations, but that’s assuming we had an otherwise solid relationship. It doesn’t sound like you do.

If your ego doesn’t survive a drunk grinding on a payed stripper in a fun environment designed to blur the lines a bit, then it definitely is better to not get married.
However, this is still your decision and this makes YTA. 

The only counterargument you could raise would be if you discussed similar scenarios and ideas and you labeled this as off limit and a breakup reason, but I am sure you would have mentioned that 

Grinding? Relax and grow up. No ages are listed but it sounds like you’re <24, religious and sheltered life.

She is unlikely to take you back now, but if I were you stop thinking of being an asshole (or not)and tell her you were wrong, you overreacted and would like to be together again. Wedding seems to be out of the question now. Date again and see what happens. Odds are you’ll be much happier in the long run.

It’s not like she had sex with someone else! Get over yourself! how many married men go to strip clubs all the time and their wives have to just suck it up.. saying, who cares where I get my engine going as long as I park in the proper garage…
You have definitely over-reacted. Especially if you have never had a conversation about this topic before.

NTAH, I’d tell people if your intended can’t manage her alcohol intake to avoid this kind of thing on the eve of marriage,it’s just not a good sign. Likewise, if your fiancée can’t use her words to say no strippers, that’s a problem. Finally, if you really need a desperate last celebration with drunken debauchery, maybe you’re not ready for marriage.

Completely depends on what the established boundaries were prior to the party. If you both had agreed there would be no strippers, then no, you’re NTA. However, if it was never discussed… YTA. This is something that is pretty subjective and should have been discussed prior to the event.

NtA and idk if im slightly confused or not, but if it’s been a month since the party and she was planning to hide that from you, then what else would she have been willing to hide? That’s not only a violation of trust but an act of hiding possible infidelity.

I’m sorry dude you’re the AH. Unpopular opinion I’m sure. It was dancing with a stripper not guzzling his load, I have a VERY monogamous relationship with my wife and i would’ve laughed hysterically at that.

I don’t think you’re an asshole but I also don’t think you wanted to be married – unless you’re super religious, it’s a bit over the top to call of a wedding.

Seems a bit harsh if it was just inappropriate dancing at a Bachelorette party and no sex/nakedness. Just make her sign a prenuptial as punishment.

NTA – I think it’s one of those things you definitely bring up to gauge how your other half would feel – before even planning to have a stripper!

YTA. Dancing on someone is not cheating. You were sent a video from a “friend” who is jealous of what her friend had and ya’ll let her win.

If that’s all it took to break you two up, it was gonna happen anyway. Good thing it happened before an expensive ass wedding.

NTA. Both my partner and i have expressed if anything like that ever went down they can expect to be single the next day.

YTA. She’s best off without such an uptight untrusting arse honestly. Well done, you’ve done her a proper solid.

So she grinded on a stripper, and you ended it? Good lord. She sounds like she got lucky not marrying you. 🙄

Did you have an understanding that there would be no strippers before the parties occured?

So did she actually do something? Grinding without clothes on perhaps? Sex, kissing?

I think you’re over reacting. It’s not like she blew the guy. Who gives a fuck?

One of the more boring variations of this theme. Be more creative next time!

She’s not going to date him. Guys do much worse at bachelor parties.

Your the AH get over it don’t be so petty and jealous poor girl

I hope you didn’t have strippers at your bachelor party.

I think maybe you are over reacting a little bit.

I think that’s going a bit far, but you do you. 

nta. if that is your boundary then let her go

YTA. But maybe she’s better off without you.

Pff another rage bait. So obviously fake