AITA for kicking my fiancée out of the house after finding out she lied about being infertile?

The user (33M) and his fiancée (30F) have been in a relationship for four years and engaged for one. Early in their relationship, the fiancée disclosed she was infertile due to a past medical condition, which the user accepted as he did not strongly desire biological children and was open to adoption.

Last week, the user discovered a positive pregnancy test, leading to the fiancée admitting she lied about her infertility and had secretly stopped taking birth control months prior, hoping to conceive and change the user’s mind about fatherhood. Following this major deception, the user reacted with anger, declared his trust was broken, and asked her to leave their home, leaving him now questioning if his reaction was justified.

AITA for kicking my fiancée out of the house after finding out she lied about being infertile?

My fiancée (30F) and I (33M) have been together for four years and engaged for one. Early in our relationship, she told me she was infertile due to a medical condition she had in her teens.

I was fine with this, as I’ve never really wanted biological kids and figured we could explore adoption if we ever changed our minds.

Fast forward to last week. I came home to a positive pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom counter. At first, I thought she might’ve been helping a friend, but when I confronted her, she broke down and admitted she’s not infertile.

She never was. Apparently, she lied because she thought I’d leave her if I knew she could have kids, since she knew I didn’t want them.

Here’s the kicker: she says she stopped taking birth control “a few months ago” without telling me because she wanted to see if I’d change my mind about fatherhood if it “just happened.”

I was furious and told her this was a massive betrayal. I feel like my trust in her is shattered. She argued that she did it because she loves me and wanted us to have a deeper connection through a family.

I told her I needed space and asked her to leave the house.

Now she’s staying with her sister and texting me nonstop, saying I’m overreacting and being cruel by “kicking out the mother of my child.” Her family is also chiming in, calling me a deadbeat dad for “abandoning her” during pregnancy.

I’m struggling because I never wanted kids, but now one is on the way, and I feel trapped. At the same time, I can’t get over the fact that she lied to me for years and manipulated me into this situation.

Here’s how people reacted:

Fluffy_Web_6586

NTA. She lied to you for years THEN proceeded to actively try to have a baby knowing you didn’t want children. And yes, if you stopped taking birth control for the reason she did, you are actively trying to get pregnant. She literally decided she wanted to start a family without your consideration. You definitely deserve the time to process this. Engagement wise, it would be over. As far as her family, she needs to tell them the truth about your perspective on children and how she decided that she didn’t care and wanted kids anyway. Whether you decide to be in this child’s life or not, she will have to deal with co-parenting or being a single parent based on her actions.

WaryScientist

NTA – I was ready to say otherwise based on the title (example: I was infertile and have kids… infertility can naturally go down as a person ages), but she lied every day of your relationship and then baby trapped you…I don’t know the right term, but she essentially “stealthed” you by removing the contraception and not giving you a choice whether you’d take the risk of pregnancy or not.

Personally, I would flat out tell her I wasn’t willing to be a part of the child’s life and it’s her decision whether she’s keeping the baby to raise on her own or not because I would NOT be attached to that woman for the rest of my life.

the_dark_viper

NTA. Please go ahead and end the engagement and ask for a Non-invasive prenatal paternity (NIPP) test. A non-invasive prenatal paternity test is the most accurate non-invasive way to establish paternity before the baby is born. This test requires only a simple blood collection from the mother and alleged father and can be performed any time after the 8th week of pregnancy. If it’s yours, please consult a lawyer as soon as possible to explain your financial and legal rights and obligations in detail.

RecommendationUsed31

In California this could possibly be a crime. It is called stealthing and is not a cool thing. It could be the same as putting holes in condoms. You were having sex with her under false pretense. Regardless of there being a chance of getting her pregnant you were told that she was on BC. That’s the issue. Run far away, do what you need to do as a father and move on with your life.

Goldenfernnn

nah u ain’t overreacting, she lied abt something massive and then made a life changing decision for u without consent. like i get she wanted a family but tricking u into it?? that’s not love, that’s control. u def need space to figure out how u feel about this and don’t let her or her family guilt u into staying. being a dad is a huge deal, and it should’ve been ur choice, not forced.

totaltomination

NTA, this is a betrayal of your trust so you’re fully justified in ending the relationship. It would be best for your kid if you can work out how to coparent early and get therapy to help you adjust to your new reality, but you’re well within your rights to let her keep this prize she spent your whole relationship on, it just doesn’t help your kid.

purpleygreyk

Wtf, huge NTA. Imagine if this were the other way around with a male poking holes in a condom and a female stuck with a baby to raise. It’s just as bad.

Nta for wanting her to leave, or asking for space. Wouldn’t even be the asshole if you called off your marriage tbh. She’s just a box of lies, and I doubt this will make her an honest person.

DesperateToNotDream

Is this real?

She knew you didn’t want kids, so instead of just agreeing to not have them and to use birth control, which she was already using, she lied about being infertile?

Who hears “I don’t want kids” and thinks “I’ll lie and say I’m infertile” instead of “we can just use birth control”

zelliemarie1202

Not exactly the asshole, but you can’t just kick your pregnant wife out of the house. For better or for worse she is pregnant with your kid. Go to marriage counseling, try to figure this out in a civil manner because the kid deserves the best from both parents.

EverLearningSoul

This is a huge betrayal. And she just showed you who she really is.
A liar.
A manipulator.
And so selfish that she forced you into a situation she knew you didn’t want.
Insecurity is no excuse. And you can never trust her again. Sorry man.

WhatTheActualFck1

NTA

She’s manipulating you with a human life. Cancel the engagement and block all of them.
Confirm the child is yours. It’s up to you if you want to be present parent but if you don’t – you still are responsible for it’s child support.

Careless-Image-885

NTA. Change the locks. Get a lawyer. Keep all texts from her and her family, especially if she says anything about lying to you. Have as much documentation as possible for your lawyer.

Cancel the engagement. She baby-trapped you.

DeviceAway8410

I guess I do t understand why she was on birth control if she was infertile unless it was for hormonal control. Did the fact she was on birth control suggest to you she may not be infertile? Did you even know about the birth control?

MayBayBay123

NTA. Seriously though, there are way too many men like you on here who don’t take care of their contraceptive and end up with an “accidental” pregnancy. Even if your girlfriend did think she was infertile, the body is unpredictable.

Significant-Bobcat48

NTA. wtf? This is SO wrong on so many levels. She’s baby trapping you and gaslighting you. You never wanted kids and made that clear. Not only did she lie abt being infertile, she lied abt still being on birth control. Leave her

GetBakedBaker

Get a lawyer, draw up a custody schedule, including Child support, and learn to co-parent. She is not someone you can trust, and it is sad that now a child will be involved, because she will not stop trying to manipulate you.

meowgirrrl

Nah, you’re not the asshole. She lied and trapped you, that’s wild manipulative. Needing space after that kinda betrayal is fair. Her fam calling you a deadbeat is just guilt-tripping, don’t let it get to you.

she_who_knits

YTA. If you don’t want kids, get a vasectomy.

Don’t expect or trust others to carry the burden of birth control for you.

You failed to take responsibility for your own reproductive decisions. FAFO

Ornery-Platypus-1

NTA, anyone in their right mind would be pissed. She’s a manipulative liar, she did you dirty, and she knows it…plus, she has an 18+ year long payday that will pop out of her in the near future.

CrabbiestAsp

NTA. In some places, lying about taking birth control and not actually taking it counts as sexual assault as you did not consent to sex without birth control being used. Sort of like stealthing.

annebonnell

NTA she betrayed you big time. I would recommend you relinquish all parental rights to the child, if you don’t want children. Also, if you really do not want children get a vasectomy.

fly1away

I think the legal term is reproductive coercion. Make sure you get or save written admission of what she did and take her to court.

Actual-Swordfish1513

If you didn’t want kids you should have got a vasectomy. But you also should be able to trust your fiance. NTA for kicking her out.

No_Extension_8215

You’re stuck now for the next 18 years. Think about what will work best for you and the kid and do whatever that is

ManILoveFrogs69420

What horrible manipulation on her part. That is not something you lie about and hope it goes over well. NTA

SorenPenrose

That’s sociopathic. She’s insane and your entire life was a scheme she was planning. Disgusting human.

Coriander16712

Isn’t tampering with birth control sexual assault ?? Because it violates the other persons consent ??

Cute-Scallion8501

NTA she is not to be trusted. She and her family are manipulating you. Take all the time you need.

Professional-Age8384

Is this like the equivalent to him poking holes in the condom to get her pregnant?

Sweetnessnow

Sucks. Hope you get snipped so this won’t happen again with someone else.

shammy_dammy

NTA. Cancel the engagement, show her the door out and get a lawyer.

Chronox2040

There should be jail for this type of scam. Sorry it happened to you.

CrazyLeadership5397

You could have always gotten a vasectomy if you didn’t want kids.

SageoftheForlornPath

NTA She’s a manipulator and she’ll just keep hurting you.

Admirable_Farm2760

Nta. I don’t understand why she would do this

HoneyBuckets6

you are fscked, get ready to be a baby daddy

Euphoric_Penalty9179

If real, I dont think thats your kid bro

HugeNefariousness222

NTA. Get the ring back, get a lawyer.

Conclusion

The original poster is experiencing a profound crisis stemming from the fiancée’s multi-year deception regarding her fertility and the unilateral decision to stop contraception to force a pregnancy. His current emotional state is dominated by a feeling of being trapped by the unplanned pregnancy while grappling with the severe breach of trust caused by her manipulative actions.

The central conflict is whether the fiancée’s stated motive—wanting a deeper connection via family—can excuse the fundamental violation of autonomy and trust, or if the user is justified in reacting strongly to being manipulated into fatherhood against his long-held wishes. Is the poster overreacting by demanding space, or is his need to process this betrayal paramount?