The user recently finished residency, secured a well-paying job as an emergency physician, and continued paying the same low share of the expenses to build savings for medical school loans. Conflict arose when roommate A was treated at the user’s hospital, revealing her increased income, which led to confrontation by all roommates upon her return, accusing her of ‘hoarding money’ while roommate A struggled financially. The user, feeling tired and defensive, ended the discussion abruptly, leading to tension, and now questions whether she is at fault for maintaining the arrangement.
I (28f) live in a 2-bedroom apartment with three roommates. It’s small and we step on each other’s toes sometimes, but it works for us because we were all in graduate programs when we met and needed something cheap.
For the last six years, we’ve all split rent evenly, and I’ve been fine with that. Even when they all got jobs and I was still a resident, I didn’t once ask to adjust the rent. Now, to be honest, I’m a very quiet and non-confrontational person and residency kept me on weird hours so I didn’t speak to them a lot and they didn’t even realize that I’d finished my program when I did.
I also live on the second floor of our apartment in a space off the attic storage that was meant to be an office, so I keep to myself and go about my business.
Once I became a licensed emergency physician, I was able to find a job in our city relatively quickly and started working about four months out of residency.
I’d already worked as an EMT for years around this hospital, even in college when I was getting clinical hours for med school, so I knew the ED well and it wasn’t hard for me to get a job there.
I still had loans from med school to pay off so I saw no problem with hanging around and paying my same share of the rent, utilities, and groceries that I’d paid for six years until I built up savings, even though I was making more than my other three roommates combined.
I’m not in a relationship, don’t want kids now, and I liked my little living arrangements while I got some savings behind me.
I was fine until crap hit the fan yesterday, and by some insane stroke of bad luck, one of my roommates A, (27m) was in a car crash and was transported to the hospital by ambulance when I was on shift.
He was fine, just a bit of whiplash and a stitched-up cut from broken glass, but while he was in the ED he saw me and realized I wasn’t a resident anymore. Even though he couldn’t pin down my exact salary, a quick Google search could tell him that in our city I was making at least double what my roommates were.
He was pissed and he told my other two roommates while I was still at work, so when I came home, they were all waiting for me. He confronted me and asked me what I was making, and I told them the truth.
They all lost their minds at me because I knew that A had been struggling to make his share of the rent every month, whereas I was “hoarding my money”. I listened to what they had to say but said that I still had loans to pay off and I was going to bed.
I was tired after a long shift, and I’m aware that I was probably really blunt and cold because when I’m getting yelled at, part of my job description is just to take it with a calm face.
This morning, they’ve all been giving me the cold shoulder, and though they haven’t talked about it yet, I can feel it coming. I don’t know how to address this because I really liked our living arrangements and don’t want it to change, but I can’t help feeling like I’m the AH for not helping A out more.
So, AITA?
Conclusion
The user finds herself in a difficult position, preferring to keep the comfortable and affordable living situation she has while acknowledging that her significantly increased income creates an unfair financial dynamic, especially considering her roommate A’s documented struggles to meet the shared expenses.
The central question is whether the user acted reasonably by upholding the established, equal cost-sharing agreement to meet her financial goals, or if her moral obligation to financially support roommates—especially one struggling—superseded the prior agreement, making her the antagonist in this situation?
Here’s how people reacted:
Almost 20 years ago I had a roommate that I had known for year’s during hs I missed out on parties and other social gatherings because I had to work for my father during the summers
Anyway in my mid 20s I started working for myself and started charging accordingly. Roommate was always behind on rent and bill’s but was also a slacker all through college he was a slacker when he graduated he took a low paying job. Anyway income came up and he found out I was making double what he was and he bitched that it wasn’t fair because he had gone to college I don’t know if he really ever knew that he was within inches of getting the beating of his life.
I refrained and told him if he wanted to compare time spent I was already 8 to 9 year’s in the trades compared to his 4 years Jerking off in college he was a smart guy but never applied himself then was unhappy because he didn’t place well for jobs out of college. Boo hoo
If they have resentment towards you it their own failings it’s really not any of ther business now if you’re using more of the house it would probably be a good idea to pay a little more I lived in a few places over the years sharing a 4 bedroom house with too friends and we had turned the smallest bedroom into storage/ office for the 2 roommates with the smaller room while the other roommate had the larger ensuite.
After that roommate I for the most part lived alone after that .
As 1/4 of the roommates, you pay 1/4 the expenses even though from what I see, you don’t even have a true bedroom in the 2 bedroom space. It isn’t your problem that A is struggling to meet their share. It’s also not your job to keep them informed of your income and your income should play no part in the division of the costs or the access to resources.
Ignore their jealousy if you can. If not, sit them down to inform them that they have two options when it comes to you in the space: figure out how to tolerate their issues with things remaining exactly as they are, or you will find a new place and they will have to figure things out from there.
You and your roommates aren’t in a relationship to share expenses proportionally, you’re in a financial agreement that all of you are going to split expenses. I believe neither of them ever offer to pay more if they were earning more. Helping your friend who’s in a struggle would be a good action if you wanted to do it, is not something they can pressure you into doing.
Once you have a partner it makes a lot more sense to discuss the fair share from each since it’s a partnership.
Your roommate was struggling. You easily could’ve stepped up. You didn’t.
I know a woman. Just like you. Don’t lie. You love the bank. But you are a stingy cunt who will cosplay poverty.
Fuck off
Traditionally with roommates it’s an even split among everybody.
With romantic relationships it’s more likely to be a percentage of earnings.
I just question if this is true because I’ve never heard of friends adjusting rent to income.
If you move out and someone else moves in. The rent will be the same. You are not their mother and they are all adults.
Unfortunately, some people are just not able to think reasonably.
It may be time to find new house mates.
Your a big boy/girl now. Get a nicer place. You’ve earned it.