The mother-in-law’s actions escalated to sending the OP inappropriate documents, including a sample prenup with clauses about waiving rights to future earnings and mandatory counseling for weight gain. After the fiancé initially supported the OP but later minimized his mother’s behavior, a public confrontation at a family dinner led the OP to set a firm boundary: the mother will not be included in wedding photos. This decision has caused the fiancé to accuse the OP of escalating the situation, leaving the OP questioning if this boundary is too harsh or necessary.
I’m 27 and getting married next summer. My fiancé is 29 and we’ve been together for almost 5 years. His mom has never liked me, she’s very involved in his life and I’ve always felt like she sees me as some kind of threat to their bond.
For the past year she’s been bringing up prenups constantly, not my fiancé, his MOM. She started sending me articles, books, even a sample prenup she wrote herself, like literally a Google Doc.
It had stuff in it like I waive all rights to future earnings and if I gain weight after the wedding I would agree to go to counseling. I’m not joking, I told her it was inappropriate and that I wouldn’t be discussing legal documents with her.
My fiancé backed me up at first, but over time I noticed he started saying things like she’s just trying to protect me or you know how she gets. He never directly told her to stop.
Things hit a breaking point a few weeks ago when she brought up the prenup again at a family dinner, in front of his relatives. She said I was being difficult and that a woman who refuses to protect a man’s assets has no business getting married.
I was humiliated, I left the table and we had a huge fight after. I told my fiancé I don’t want her in our wedding photos, I said she can come to the ceremony and be there if she wants but I don’t want her posing in our couple shots or family portraits.
I feel like she’s made it clear she doesn’t actually want this marriage to happen and I don’t want to look back at my wedding album and feel fake smiles with someone who’s made this process so miserable.
Now his whole family is furious. He says I’m escalating things and being too harsh, I told him I’m just setting a boundary after being disrespected over and over. My mom understands where I’m coming from but thinks I should let it go to keep the peace.
I feel like if I back down again, she’ll just keep walking all over me.
Conclusion
The OP is in a difficult emotional position, feeling that setting a clear boundary regarding wedding photos is necessary after sustained disrespect and humiliation from the fiancé’s mother regarding the prenuptial agreement. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need to protect their dignity and peace for the wedding, and the fiancé’s desire to maintain family harmony by avoiding confrontation with his mother.
The debate centers on whether excluding the mother from wedding photos is a justified act of self-respect following months of harassment, or if it is an overreaction that unnecessarily damages relationships and escalates pre-wedding tension. Is the OP justified in enforcing this boundary, or should they prioritize minimizing conflict to ensure family attendance at the wedding?
Here’s how people reacted:
Don’t you deserve to have your future earnings protected? Shouldn’t your fiancé have to maintain his physical fitness? If he starts balding, shouldn’t he use hair growth products?
If you marry this man, in two years you’ll be writing a post about how your husband won’t stand up to his mother when she demands a DNA test for your newborn. You are living your future in real time and you will be the AH to yourself and any children you might have.
You have to have a serious talk with your partner and decide if you really want to move forward with this. Tell him his mother’s behaviour and his inability to stop her or protect you from her insanity is making you seriously question the viability of the relationship in the long term.
Ask your fiancé point blank if he wants this prenup and all the points in it. Ask him if he ever plans on telling his mom she took it too far and to apologize to you. Get those answers and decide if this man is worth any more of your time.
You deserve to have someone who stands up for you against anyone, including their family. He’s allowing his mother to disrespect you and he’s blaming you for something she is doing/causing.
If you decide to stay, get a lawyer and write a prenup for your fiance to sign that protects you. If he disagrees and refuses you can repeat his mother’s words back to him.
Then laugh at the absurdity of it all. Why should you marry a man who won’t protect your future???
The right question is, AITAH if I write this mommas boy off because he clearly isn’t gonna defend me.
And you would be NTA. He is not the man you want if he doesn’t see you as his most important family. He wants to marry you, but doesn’t want to protect you. Thats a no go.
I’m not sure I put enough in, but I hope you get the idea. There should be NO wedding photos because there should be NO wedding.
NTA
You might want to rethink things