NTA, but if I were you, I’d let him calm down and then sit him down and tell him, calmly but in no uncertain terms, that he is NEVER AGAIN to tell you that he forbids you from doing anything. If he reacts appropriately (apologizing, etc.) you can then go on to ask him why he reacted so severely and get to the bottom of this.

But if he doesn’t, then you know why he did and might want to rethink your relationship, and/or consider couples therapy.

I say all of this bc it’s possible that he reacted so strongly bc, after two pregnancies, he doesn’t want you to have to take on the responsibility of altering your body again. On the off chance this is the case, you’ll want to give him a chance to change his mind about the vasectomy before you do the much more serious surgery.

Nta. He is obviously carrying none of the burden. Being a mother is hard. Carrying a baby is hard. Your body, your choice.

That being said, if you want to keep your marriage- talk it through with him before going through with it. If he is unwilling to help you avoid a pregnancy, he is being selfish. You may want to consider the future of that marriage. Is being off of birth control and reclaiming your reproductive health more important than your marriage? He needs to think that through. And you need to think through if this was a knee jerk reaction for him or an absolute disregard for you.

Not an easy choice, but if you do go through with the procedure without him on board, your marriage will probably not survive it.

Damage yourself? Does he not realize that birth control has serious side effects?

I can’t help think it’s more than the procedures. Even though he said he’s done with wanting more kids his actions say otherwise. He’s not being honest with you.

If you love this man talk to him again. Be firm. Find out what he is really not saying.

He is your partner. He should be supporting you in your choice for the procedure. You should not be hiding it.

Id say he is the AH…

You’re not going to get unbiased opinions on reddit. You’re going to get the mentally unstable ideas of people who live life within an echo chamber.
You have to remember, youre married and not by yourself anymore. So when you make a decision, you should have enough respect for your partner to include them and not go behind their back or make a decision without a discussion first. But, i say, do what you feel is right, not what you think you should do.

Nta. You tried to have a productive discussion about it and he flipped out. Not allowing YOU to damage YOURSELF is wild. You both agreed a third child is off the table and if he won’t get the vasectomy then you have the right to handle it yourself. It’d be different if you just did it without discussing it first. I’m not seeing him taking it well tho based on his previous reaction.

Not much to add here….odd that he says he doesn’t want more kids, then screams at you when you bring up sterilization. Does he think some magic fairy is going to prevent you from getting pregnant? Definitely NTA, but as others have said, he isn’t being truthful about wanting another kid. and the whole “forbids” you…that’s comical! Just for sake of argument, what about an IUD?

NTA at all. Your body is yours to do with what you will. He has absolutely no say. “After making sure I won’t need my spouse’s approval.” Holy shit. This was the case in the 1950s. It may again me the case in the 2050s if these fucking pro-natalists chauvinists continue to be placed into positions of power. But did you seriously think this was a requirement today?

Wow it must be wild to just find out that your partner is an awful person. NTA, and I would seriously consider counseling if you’re willing to lie to stay in a relationship with someone who has completely lacked understanding (*let alone education*) on the entire subject of the female reproductive system (his *partners **body***). Totally not okay imo

NTA. Dude is going to try to get you pregnant again. His response is terrible and suspicious. Get it done in secret but be ready for him to leave you if he finds out but also be ready for baby 3 if you stay.

I would be suspicious of someone who screamed at me because it speaks to uncontrollable rage. 

Your body your choice, 100%.

But just ask yourself if doing this is worth losing your marriage over. If it is, it’s probably best you just end the relationship anyway. If it’s not, maybe take some more time to think this over and attempt to have another level headed conversation with him.

NTA.

NTA, he has no control over you or your body. It really sounds like he is anti-reproductive rights. Clearly he has problems. It also sounds like he wants to have more kids and wants you to be more of a birth giver than a wife and a mother. He needs to be checked in the luny-tic bin.

Ew. He just tipped his hand to how he REALLY feels, and it’s unsavory.

You’re NTA, and I hate that you’re questioning that. Your body. Your choice. You’re done with kids, and this is a logical step.

Why does he feel this way so strongly on both of you? What has him so twisted?

Uhh… yes? You will be the AH, not because you aren’t entitled to this, but because once you tell him post-factum he will see your actions as disregard to his opinion. That in itself will turn into a huge arguement… Have another conversation about it? Calm one if possible?

Removing your tubes has LESS effect than every form of birth control ever (minus hysterectomy). It’s your body, your choice. And if he threatens divorce or something over this, take him up on that. He can’t dictate what you get to do with your own body, husband or not. NTA.

Maybe you should talk to him again and let him know what you’re doing before you make it permanent. Y’all are married, and he may have some underlying issues about it that could make you regret acting so quickly had you’d known before hand.

NTA it’s your body but… when(if) he finds out he will more than likely leave you. Not because you took care.of yourself but because he thinks he should he in control of what you do with your body, so please prepare yourself for that.

Ma’am you have bigger problems with that man. NTA and schedule that procedure ASAMFP. And plan to have someone else care for you after for a couole weeks- preferably at their house so Master Husband Sir can take care of his kids.

NTA but your husband sure is! He forbids you from doing this? I know if I tried to forbid my wife from anything she would laugh in my face! Let alone something that concerns her body and future.

I always like to use the shoe on the other foot method

How would you feel if this exact scenario was happening but it was him doing it instead of you (the male equalivent of this procedure)

Not only would I do it, I’d then tell my partner he has to wear condoms from now. It’s amazing how quickly they shift when the responsibility and ‘it’s not comfortable’ feelings fall on him.

NTA but why does he think he has any say in what happens with your body?
Do you get to forbid him from having medical procedures?
I’m so sorry he thinks you’re property.

Not that it matters because it’s your body and you don’t need his permission, but a salpingectomy also has the significant benefit of reducing risk of ovarian cancer.

I’d ask him why he’s so worried about “damaging yourself like that” first.

He might be somewhat uneducated on the process or maybe he’s heard some horror story.

your body your choice, but his feelings are valid not the way he expressed them though. Something like this could end your marriage if you go through with it.

NTA. Go for it but don’t tell him. He will try to talk you out of it or stop you from going. Just do it without his knowledge.

NTA. He must want more children. Be prepared for this to be the end of the marriage if you go through with it.

Absolutely not the AH. His reasoning is very skewed and he has NO right to make this decision for you.

NTA: your body, your choice and no man can *forbid* you from controlling your reproductive destiny.

NTA. I’m sorry this is how you find out you’re married to a complete and total nutjob.

Tell him the only form of birth control you can trust at this point is abstinence.

This is seriously a reason to leave. I wouldn’t feel safe with that man.

NTA

In what country would you need YOUR SPOUSES APPROVAL? It’s 2025! NTA!

NTA….he doesn’t have say over the choices you make about your body.

No, but he is not a whole for leaving you over that same decision.

Allow you???!!!! Screw him. It’s your body, your choice.

Finishing with a blowjob has not been considered?

Your body, your choice. End of discussion.

He “forbids” you. Big NOPE on that.