The user introduced the idea of a prenuptial agreement (prenup), explaining it was to protect both parties if the marriage ended, and he assured her he would want the same protection if their financial situations were reversed. His girlfriend reacted very negatively, stating the request made her feel that he was expecting a divorce and destroyed the romantic aspect of their commitment, leading to a distant mood between them, and leaving the user questioning if his approach was too cold or logical.
I 31M recently got engaged to my girlfriend 28F and we’ve been on cloud nine until I brought up the idea of a prenup. I run my own business and have a good amount of savings plus a house I bought a few years ago.
She’s doing fine too but doesn’t have as much financially which is totally okay by me. The prenup isn’t about not trusting her. It’s just something I’ve always felt made sense. It’s about protecting both of us if things ever go sideways.
I even told her I’d want her to have the same security if roles were reversed. But she took it hard. Said it made her feel like I was expecting a divorce and that it killed the romance of everything.
We haven’t had a full on fight but the mood shifted and she’s been kind of distant since I brought it up. I feel a bit blindsided because I didn’t think this would be such a dealbreaker.
Now I’m stuck wondering if I’m being cold and overly logical or if this is just a hard conversation that we need to work through. AITA for even asking?
Conclusion
The user is currently positioned between protecting his established assets through a logical agreement and managing his fiancée’s deep emotional reaction, which interprets the request as a lack of faith in their future together. The central conflict revolves around balancing practical financial planning with the perceived emotional vulnerability required in a committed relationship.
Is the user wrong for initiating a standard legal discussion about protecting assets before marriage, or is the fiancée’s emotional response a sign that they cannot navigate necessary difficult conversations about long-term security?
Here’s how people reacted:
Sorry to say, but a prenup is essential. People can change. My uncle was madly in love with his first wife. She eventually changed, didn’t want to be in the marriage, refused to work on it. And because of her he had to sell of all his investments, rental properties and take out a small loan to protect his business.
She wanted the business, because then she could continue sitting on her ass and painting while it raked in the money for her.
Be smart, people change. It’s not about love, it’s about what if love fails and you grow apart. Who has rights to what
Idk I’m a woman but I’m in a career field that drives a high income. I’m sure I’ll make more than my future husband- I tell everyone upfront that I’m not getting married without a prenup. It’s just protecting yourself and it’s smart. Plus you can tailor it to your specific relationship and create clauses for infidelity, etc. I don’t see why not
I would advise the following:
1. Tell her to get her own lawyer to look over and possibly negotiate anything on it. You should pay for it. A prenup can and should protect her as well.
2. Give her space to process her feelings. You should however let her know it’s important for couples to discuss difficult and unpleasant topics and not sweep them under the rug.
3. Make a commitment that even with a prenup you will have financial transparency in your marriage.
My man, this is the difference between getting fked over in the future and not getting fked over. For the sake of your well being, make sure a prenup is signed.
Please also keep Seperate Property, SEPERATE. Do not commingle your accounts and give her access to those accts.
The day you get married(or right before), create new accounts so that your paychecks go in there and not your prior accounts.
Goodluck.
If she was into you, she wouldn’t care any would understand.
Things that you build before a relationship should be yours. She thought they would be hers and she could just hitch a ride on your already gained success. It raises red flags for why she is with you to begin with. If I were you I’d just break it off and find a different girl who is into YOU and not your success.
She would have her attorney look at it and you would have your attorney look at it and make it fair for both of you.
Getting upset and emotional over proposing a prenup shows a lack of maturity, and ability to have open and honest conversations.
I’m not trying to knock your girl.
In fact, I own my own business and about to have this exact conversation soon lol.
I mean yeah it is inherently a lack of trust that is motivating you. We can disagree about it being reasonable or not but it is because you don’t trust her. Just like women having a secret run away fund is because they don’t trust their husband.
Make sure she has independent legal advice, before signing, otherwise it won’t be valid.
If this is an actual dealbreaker for her, I’d regard that as a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 and I’d feel it meant that consciously/sub consciously, she felt entitled to my pre-marital assets regardless.
Be careful.
NTA.
encourage her to have an attorney look at it- maybe if someone else explains it she will be more receptive.
This is entirely dependent upon what the prenup says. You say you bought a house. Nice. Do you own it outright? Will that be the marital home? Are you commingling assets? Is your attorney writing the prenup? Does she have a separate attorney who will review it?
Will you commit to paying her a wage if she stays home to care for any children? That will protect her even more.
But you should have brought it up months ago, well before proposing. You messed up dropping this on her after she had agreed to merge her life with yours.
What terms did you offer? Does she even know what’s in it yet?
No, then a prenup,is good, NTA
yes then YTA.
Unless you have a way to birth a child because she is bringing something in that you can’t to this marriage.