I work in a small office where we do a potluck-style lunch once a week. I love cooking, so I usually bring something homemade. For context, I’m Thai, and a lot of what I make has strong flavors think: garlic, fermented fish sauce, chili, shrimp paste, that kind of thing.

Most of my coworkers love it. Kate, though, has always been… weird about it.

She’s made little comments before, like, “Wow, that’s pungent” or “Your food is so intense”. Once, when I brought in som tam (green papaya salad), she wrinkled her nose and said, “Ugh, why does it smell like that?” Like, it smells like lime and chili?

Sorry it’s not a turkey sandwich, Kate.

The worst was when she asked me if I “grew up eating bugs”, I kind of laughed it off because I was so caught up guard, but she kept going, talking about how she saw a documentary about Thai people eating crickets and how it must be “normal” for me.

I told her, as evenly as I could, that yes, some people eat insects, but it’s not like I was raised munching on tarantulas for breakfast. She got all flustered and said she “didn’t mean it like that”.

Anyway, last month, I made khao soi for the potluck, a Northern Thai curry noodle soup. Everyone seemed to love it, except Kate, who took one bite, made a face, and said, “Oh, this is…

strong”. Then she laughed like it was a joke, but she barely touched her bowl. Later, I overheard her telling someone it was “too much spice and too many smells at once”.

So a few weeks later, when it was my turn to cook again, I made my usual dish plus a plain grilled chicken breast with some steamed veggies and a little cup of ranch dressing. No seasoning, no “strong smells”, etc.

I left a note: “For Kate, since I know she prefers something simple!”

She was pissed. Said I was “singling her out” and making her look bad. I told her I was just trying to be accommodating, the way she seemed to want. Some coworkers thought it was hilarious, others said I was being passive-aggressive.

Honestly, maybe I was.