When the OP suggested incorporating tools like a vibrator or exploring stimulation methods like finding her G-spot to improve her experience, the boyfriend rejected these ideas. He explicitly stated that he does not want anything other than himself to make her feel good. This refusal, coupled with his unwillingness to provide clitoral stimulation, has frustrated the OP, leading her to consider purchasing a vibrator for solo use. Her central dilemma is whether she would be the asshole (WIBTAH) for taking this step.
I (25F) and my boyfriend (27M) have had a rocky sex life. i do not feel any pleasure, whatsoever, from PIV. my boyfriend knows this. but we have intercourse anyway. i just lay there, let him do his thing, then go back to whatever i was doing.
i recently suggested getting a vibrator or trying to find my g-spot, but he says that he doesn’t want anything to make me “feel good” except him. (i would never say this to his face, but he doesn’t make me feel good anyway) i told him that him finding my g-pot would be him making me feel pleasure, but he said no (for whatever reason.) it’s really getting on my nerves.
i don’t want to have intercourse just for him to get off. he refuses to even rub my clit at all. I’m thinking about just getting a vibrator and masturbating. so WIBTAH if i got a vibrator?
Conclusion
The OP finds herself in a conflict between her need for sexual satisfaction and her boyfriend’s controlling or possessive stance regarding her pleasure. His insistence that he must be the sole source of her sexual gratification directly clashes with the reality that the current sexual activities provide her with no enjoyment. This situation has caused significant internal distress for the OP.
The debate centers on whether the OP is justified in seeking independent means of sexual pleasure when her partner refuses to modify his behavior to ensure her satisfaction. Readers must consider if prioritizing her own physical needs by using a vibrator constitutes a breach of the relationship’s implied contract, or if his restrictive demands on her sexuality are the primary issue.
Here’s how people reacted:
First of all this is not a healthy attitude for sex life at all. Sometimes people just need to know they are bad at sex. If it wasn’t for my second girlfriend sitting me down and explaining I fucking sucked I wouldn’t have had the drive to get better. Yeah it stung but in the long run I appreciated the honesty and some stuff was real basic looking back. Covering teeth with your lips during oral level of stuff.
In the same way if someone is my partner and doesn’t like how I do something and says nothing. I will be a bit annoyed because they could have just said something and I would have tried to improve at the very least.
>he refuses to even rub my clit at all.
Yeah he needs to drop that or you need to drop him. Doing that during sex takes a bit of practice. Lots of movement and the angle can be difficult to get the pressure and hand angle right while moving about.
So he’s either being lazy or just obsessed with the idea of getting you off with his dick alone which is juvenile. Oh and some guys do. I know guys who think unironically that if a woman or the guy flicks the bean during sex it’s “cuck shit”.
I don’t understand how people can be so selfish to not let a woman find her methods of pleasure. You would not be the asshole, you’re entitled to buying toys without his permission. He should be supportive, you’re not replacing him, you’re only finding out what helps you get off.
A lot of men don’t understand that it’s not easy for a woman. We only need to stick our dick in and there’s pleasure, a woman needs so much more work and build up. Buy your toy and enjoy yourself, he needs to be supportive or get out.
Failing that just get one and kick him to the kurb.
I would seriously not let him “start his business” until he would at least understand that his hands exist. A person can be bad, but trying is a start and practice makes perfect.
Honestly that just feels way too much like toxic masculinity and immaturity imo. He needs to grow up a bunch and you also need to start realising that you deserve better.
Why the fuck not? How do you think normal, healthy relationships work, mate? Open your fucking yap and tell him you don’t feel good, he doesn’t make you feel good, and if he doesn’t start listening to you and making a change you will leave.
Meanwhile, he sucks, too. Fucking stupid ass manbaby.
You have as much right as him to get off during sexual activity.
Why do you just let him use your body for his pleasure alone and feel you cant demand the same in return?
That…right there is the definition of abuse…both physical and mental.
Drop that sorry excuse-for-a-man like dropping dog poo in trash.
Look, nobody should have to do anything sexual that makes them uncomfortable, but this sounds like him just not giving a shit about you.
NTA, but why are you with him? At the very least, stop having sex with him.
2. Get a vibrator
3. Learn for yourself the best ways for you to get off
4. Find a man who is willing to please you and not just himself in addition to be a good partner in other supportive ways.
I’ll go with everyone else dump him
Buy yourself that toy and get a better man lol
NYA, but wow.
Say it to his face. “I want orgasms, and you should care about that.”
And
2. Get the vibrator and dump his ass
If your boyfriend is afraid that he can be replaced by a $30 battery powered device he isn’t worth keeping.