The sister asked OP to babysit her children every weekend so she could save money and decide whether to leave her husband. OP refused, pointing out that the sister had always championed the traditional wife role and should now face the consequences of that choice. This refusal has caused significant family disapproval, leading OP to question whether their stance was justified.
When my sister (26f) and I (24f) were kids we hated each other. My sister was very hard to get along with, and she never had any friends as a result of this. She’s the type of person who always thinks she’s right, and can never apologize or admit when she’s wrong.
As an adult, she still has no friends.
She decided to drink the tradwife coolaide. She met her husband in college, got pregnant, and dropped out. They have four children under the age of 8 together, and the youngest is a quadriplegic due to spinal damage and a birth defect.
I just finished law school, and I’m starting my career.
My husband already has an established career, and we’re dinks. We don’t intend on having any children.
My sister has historically talked down to us at family events. She says we don’t even understand what we’re missing out on, we’ll never know what true and unconditional love is, etc.
Very condescending, as always.
Lately her and her husband have been fighting. Apparently, per my mother, he has never let her access his income. He gives her cash for groceries. The bills and stuff have always been in his name.
Apparently he’s been cheating too. My sister has asked for me to watch her kids on the weekends so she can save up money to be able to ‘evaluate her options.’ AKA leave her husband.
When she came to me and asked this I asked her ‘But isn’t being a traditional wife your calling?
You’ve told us this several times. You must’ve forgotten, but traditional wives aren’t supposed to work.’
I kinda laughed at how she explained that maybe being a trad wife isn’t for her after all.
Eventually I just shut her down and told her that she picked this life, the life that she has always insisted is so superior to mine. Time to learn to deal with the problems that come with it.
Conclusion
The OP is currently facing strong disapproval from her family because she refused to support her sister’s urgent need for childcare. The core conflict lies between the sister’s current crisis and the lifestyle choices she previously promoted, versus OP’s decision to enforce accountability for those choices.
The debate centers on whether past beliefs should negate the need for immediate familial support during a crisis involving young children. Should OP extend compassion and practical help despite the sister’s previous judgment, or is holding the sister accountable for the situation she actively chose the correct path?
Here’s how people reacted:
There are a lot of “blood is thicker than water” vibes in these comments, but a reminder that the full statement is “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” which means the exact opposite of what most people intend.
And I know it’s not always like that, but we’ve fought so hard to get men to step up and actually BE A PARENT and not just a sperm donor and then they pull this crap
Women still don’t have the same rights as men, and are having them stripped away as I type this in the US, and Canada isn’t far behind it would seem
She’s not your friend, you don’t want her life and she is an overall asshole. If you help her in 6 months you’re going to have 5 people in your house and you’ll be supporting them because it’s going to take her years to get a job. Because at first it’s going to be for the kids, then depression, then she just has to finish collage, then she needs to live the life she missed out on.
She needs to work on her marriage.
Nope NTA at all. She made the shitty bed she’s now living in. Good for you for shutting her down. If your parents want her to get help then THEY can help her. Or they can give her money. None on speck of her crappy life is your problem and you owe her nothing. “But family” is a stupid reason to tolerate bullying or abuse, and your sister is trying to bully you. Your dad has the right idea. Shut it down.
However your mom excuse for not being able to watch them is also a little weak, it’s not like this is a permanent solution. I’m saying this with some bias as I was in an abusive marriage and left with my daughter. I don’t know what I would have done without my parents. I only stayed with them for 3 weeks until I found a job and an apartment. You are still NTA.
It would be one thing if she took some accountability for her past behaviour and apologized to you for how she’s been. But to reluctantly admit that maybe being a traditional wife isn’t for her isn’t that.
With this attitude you will become a shitty lawyer. Basically the stereotypical one everyone hates.
I get it, your sister has been insufferable about her life choices, but damn, this is a real *life crisis* for her. She’s stuck in a bad marriage, financially trapped, and trying to escape, and your response is basically “lol, sucks to be you.” You don’t have to help her, but rubbing it in her face is just unnecessarily cruel. Let her eat her words *after* she gets out, not while she’s drowning.
She thought she’d found her path but she’s now in her mid 20s, has been cheated on and financially abused and she’s now struggling with four very young children, one with disabilities. She didn’t pick that.
You don’t have to help, but you don’t have to be a prick either.
Some women get infatuated with the idea of being subordinated and taken care of. But they don’t consider what happens when, ten years later, their tradhusband looks for something young and pretty to dominate and they have no money, no job skills, and three kids.
If you don’t want to watch them, which I understand, help her out with your DINK money or at least help connect her with legal resources for women in her situation. I bet your law school has a legal clinic that could help her.
She is being abused. She wants a way out. You can help her and the options for a way out of this are running low if she’s asking help from a sister who hates her.
Even though my family hasn’t always gotten along, I’d 💯 figure out how to help those kids.
Don’t be smug. Peoples lives are at stake here.
A simple, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t help you,’ is sufficient. No need to kick her and rub it in while she is in a crisis (even if it is of her own making).
Honestly, she made her choices, and now she’s dealing with the consequences. It’s tough, but you’re not obligated to help when she’s been condescending about your life before. You’ve worked hard for where you’re at, and it’s not your job to fix things for her.
I don’t think any loving person would say something so mean to their sister while they’re actively in an awful situation. Why do you speak to your sister if you hold so much vitriol towards her?
It’s okay to say you can’t help but laughing at her and kicking her when she’s down? You sound like you couldn’t be more delighted. That would be nasty behavior towards a stranger.
NTA, your sister is a hypocrite and an entitled one at that.
She dealt that card towards herself & now she’s complaining….too late. Your sister made herself into a major AH.
Not your game. Not your play.
No was a good enough answer.
Kicking her while she was down makes you an asshole.
People need to learn to face the consequences of their decisions.
ESH.