Nta. $120,000 doesnt last l9ng when you start spending it on things. Invest. Right now while the market is down. Buy things with high yield dividends. Start an extra income of a couple hundred a month coming in. Iminvested my inheritance from my mom 7 years ago. I make on average $1200 a month in dividends, plus its value has doubled in seven years. With $100k, you can probably get about $250 a month in dividends with the right stocks. keep $20k in a interest bearing checking account for emergencies and home repairs, the rest, invest. $120k is not that much in todays economy. Dont blow it on trucks and vacations. Just make your life a little better. I did this also with my two kids. They inherited from my sister when she died childless. Their portfolios have almost tripled in 8 years. They are both millionaires under the age of 20. One is still in highschool. Domthey have sports cars and expensive clothes? No. They have $10,000 used cars and going to college. Save, save, save. My kids should be able to retire at age 40.

NTA you do what you want. It’s wonderful that you’re approaching this as something to share with him at all (you are with what you’ve mentioned doing) but after his reaction I’d be careful to store it away to keep it from becoming a marital asset. Look into this because I’m not sure how dividends earned on investments made during marriage are viewed when the money put it came from inheritance. Also depends on where y’all live.

Also LOL pay of his loans you’re not maritally obligated to deal with, upgrade his vehicle, take a vacation VS fix the marital home, invest into savings. He’s acting like he is single and this is his money. You’re acting like a responsible adult for the family. Who is this guy??? I genuinely laughed at him. Sounds like this windfall deflated his ego and he wants to get to feel on top. The kind of guy who you could provide for but he’ll never acknowledge it because he doesn’t need you type

Curious: how long were you out of work during the pandemic and how were you sharing expenses before you lost your job? On the surface it sounds like you’re a “team” when it’s to your advantage and notsomuch when it’s not. Why do you feel such a strong need for separate security from your husband? It sounds like the marriage is already in a not so great place. Hopefully there are no children involved.

I’m assuming that you checked the laws about inheritance and marital assets in your jurisdiction– in all but maybe 2 or 3 states inherited money/assets are not considered marital property unless they are “comingled”. Unless you are in one of those few jurisdictions, hopefully you didn’t deposit the check into any sort of joint account that would make the inheritance a marital asset in a divorce.

FYI while all hypocrites are human not all humans are hypocrites– it’s a choice.

There is a reason why in many countries inheritance is not seen as a marital asset in divorce. The money is yours to decide to do with as you please. Spending it on things that might improve both your lives whilst protecting your money is the best way to go. That might involve something like paying off your mortgage but both entering into a legally binding agreement as to how the property ownership is then divided, should you later divorce. That would benefit you both as you would have reduced household expenditure but would protect your inheritance. Seek legal advice as to whether this is possible where you live and how it should be achieved.

So he wants to live the high roller life until the bank is empty? That’s not you supporting him, that’s you paying for him to move into a different life and leave you behind. With the childish way he’s reacting, you’d be a fool to let him get his hands on any of it. Keep it saved, see how this all pans out.

The man is being entitled, and rude, and childish. Next time he says it’s nice to have a nest egg, point out that it might be your nest egg, but it supports both of you and you’re not going to let him just spunk it up the wall on driving off on a freebie holiday for himself. He’s not single, and it’s your money.

You are kind of the asshole if he supported you during hard times but now that you have money you’re playing mine-sies.

I don’t think you need to dump it all in joint checking and keeping it separate in terms of storage seems fine and even prudent given laws. And I don’t even necessarily disagree about upgrading a truck or taking a vacation.

But if y’all need things and you make him — your life partner, the guy you’re supposed to count on and the guy who is supposed to count on you, and the guy who helped you through dark times — struggle when you could easily help, well, yeah, that sucks.

$120,000. Is hard to save. If you pay off his student loans to “breathe” I can guarantee he will not continue putting that money away so it will be just gone. Anything to do with his truck is just a depreciated asset.

I think you should consider investing it in what you feel comfortable doing and leave it there for 5 years untouched. Revisit again after the 5 years, after you earn interest on the money. Never touch the principle and only some of the interest.

Take out no more than $5,000. And go on a nice vacation with your husband, that might shut him up and know you have a plan.

NTA he sounds very selfish to even assume he has any right to something your father left you? Your father wouldn’t want any of person but you to have that money and how you chose to spend it or not is entirely on you. My boyfriend bought his dad’s house recently and our daughter is due in afew days, I have no right to anything his family decided to leave to him or to his daughter even if I’m the mother. God forbid she meets someone some day and they decide they’re entitled to what her father and his family decided to leave to her.

NTA. Inheritance is deeply personal. Your dad left that money to YOU not your marriage. The home improvements show you’re not being selfish. Your inheritance isn’t just cash it’s the final gesture from your father. Saving it isn’t selfish it’s damn sensible. That money is yours alone legally and emotionally. Your husband helped during the pandemic because you’re partners not because he was building credit to cash in later. Marriage doesn’t mean erasing all financial boundaries.

NTA. It’s your inheritance to do with as you wish. I would say if he asked to use some to pay down or off his school loans, that’s not unreasonable, but he’s talking about upgrading his truck and a trip? Those are not critical things to spend it on. Fixing your roof and saving/investing are more practical than the trick and trip. His wish list sounds like it would eat up most of that inheritance on things just for him (except maybe the trip), that’s selfish.

NAH

He views you as more of a team than you do.

You would rather have the safety blanket than make his life easier.

What is the income split currently? Do you have joint or separate finances? If separate, what is the expenses split? What is the grand total of all household debt?

Legally, you’re entitled to keep your inheritance all yours. Personally, I would want to use my partner’s burden if the history, ratios, and relationship were right.

Well, once you’re married (unless you have a prenup) what you acquire during marriage belongs to both of you. So, yes this money is also his.

But, you do have a say on where to spend it, and it should be spent on common things. Not his truck, or his student loans.
But a weekend getaway seems like a nice idea!

I’d say to have a calm talk with your husband. Start by setting boundaries.

You’re a married COUPLE. How have finances been handled up until this point? Do you keep them separate or combine them? Either way, refusing to share an inheritance with your partner is extremely selfish. At the very least, plan a trip together so he can relax a little.

I’ve never understood the concept of “my money” as a married person. My money is our money and goes to help our family.

AH. It may have been left to you, but IMO you’re being selfish unless you’ve always had separate accounts from the beginning of your marriage.
While I don’t disagree with your idea of investment for the future. It’s both of your futures. To be fair the future of the windfall should be agreed to by both of you. I think paying off some of his student loans isn’t a bad idea.

Don’t let him have an ounce of control over that money, girl please. Def do not get him a truck or pay off his debt. For you roof look into a contractor working with your insurance company you maybe able to claim it. It was an easy process for me and I only paid $500 for a new roof.. anyways- take a nice trip, set it aside and let it build. No rush on spending it.

ESA

It sounds like he was helping you although he had debts himself.

It’s wrong of him to expect that you now waste the money for him. But it’s also strange, that you are not considering to pay help with his loans.

Sounds strange to me. I helped my husband financially before we were married. Now, being married, we rarely think about my and your money anymore.

Yta

You dont have to blow the money on a truck, his loans, or anything you dont want to but youre either q team or youre not. He helped you and now he wants YOUR money.

How about a token thank you. Your dads legacy, fine. But if youve had joint finances up until now then yta and money has changed you.

Nope, it is 100% yours to do as you wish. I was in this situation 7 years ago, my spouse demanded that she get a new vehicle and a vacation for her and her sister or she would divorce me. Now I wish I said NO! as I have nothing to show for it for myself a d the divide between us is worse.

He supported you when you were unemployed but you don’t feel any obligation to share even a part of your inheritance? He was there for you during the hard times but you aren’t willing to share even a part of a financial windfall?Marriage is a partnership. Be prepared to be single. 

YTA. He has treated all of his money as both of yours all this time and when you have a chance to do the same you decline to do so. Legally the money is yours but as a married couple who expects to spend your life together this isn’t how it should be.

His debt, his truck and his trip to breathe? Sounds like he wants to drive off into the sunset. Make sure you put the $$ in an account with only your name on it. Or a joint account with your name and a dog shelter… in case you die in an “accident”.

>he helped cover for me financially when I was between jobs during the pandemic (which, to be fair, he did). But this feels different. That was us surviving together

You are either a team or not… I agree with husband, you do sound selfish.

Since you are married i do get treating his college debt as your common debt and using part of the money to get rid of it.

Just like replacing the heater and fixing stuff in the house.

But using it as his fun money? Hell no.

NTA.

How much is he talking on this student loans? His truck, not our truck? And a trip to ‘breathe’ a little. Keep your money in your acct, put a time to discuss this again in the future………….like 5 yrs or more.

YTA. You put your money over your loving, life partner’s feelings.

You even admitted if the roles were reversed you wouldn’t want this for yourself.

Do what you want, but your marriage already was, or now is over.

Do you usually share money? If not, it’s yours & you’re NTA, but if you do and you’re now keeping this to yourself, YTA.
On a separate note, how would you feel if he came into that amount of money and didn’t share?

NTA. My wife got her inheritance and I made sure it was all hers. It’s her parent that gifted her the inheritance. It’s sacred to her and she can do what she wants with it

Your money not his. Invest it in your name only. If you use any part of that inheritance for mutual benefit, then it is communal property. Stash it away and let it grow.

NTA. You’re being smart and growing the money – he wants to throw it away. Why should your dad’s life work fund a depreciating asset like a truck for your husband? 🚩

NTA. It’s your money, you decide. And what you’ve said you want to do sounds totally reasonable, your husbands suggestions are pretty one sided.

A truck? Oh absolutely not. Student loans, I could get behind paying those off. Do not commingle that money, it’ll be gone before you notice.

When you get married what’s yours is what’s his. I think it’s very wrong if it was my spouse I would have gotten a divorce over that shit.

The fact that you call it your money and not our money, I say it doesn’t matter. You’re not really one and just living separate lives.

How much are his debts? I would say pay off debts fix the house and put the rest away. That is for both of you.

Why are you married? Isn’t sharing financial burden and benefits one of the main reasons to get married?

NTA. Your husband’s true color came out for $120K

NTA but go ahead and get ready for the divorce.

NTA. Your husband is very much TAH, though.

NTA. You’re making reasonable choices.