Hi I’m a woman and have never really had any fears being in an elevator alone with a stranger man honestly. Im usually even okay with light conversation without any alarms ringing in my head. I’m sure there are some women who may have rational and real apprehension of random men due to their experiences but I think if that were the case she’d take the stairs instead and you would know she is one of those women. I would def be confused if someone in my apartment avoided me that intensely I would think I smell or something. I think your mom’s advice is well intentioned but you don’t have to be weird anytime you are alone with any woman you don’t know. Stand in the elevator say “hi” or “good morning” and leave it at that. I think part of the problem with how men generally treat women is that, despite the narrative that women are always falsely accusing men and whatever else, not everything is some trap to make you look like a bad guy. Treat women in public the same way you would a man who is a stranger in public. Literally all women want is to be treated like a normal human.

NAH. Woman’s perspective here. Thank you for being so aware of how your actions may affect women. That being said, I wonder if you are going a little overboard? Absolutely always be aware of body language, both theirs and yours. While not walking close behind women at night, or even crossing the street is really nice of you, I don’t think that necessarily has to be the rule all of the time, including daytime. And, if I was this woman, and you were constantly waiting for the elevator and not getting on it when you saw me there, I would start to wonder if you had some sort of problem with me. Just get on the elevator, it’s not a big deal. While things certainly can happen in elevators, most women I know are not going to automatically be uncomfortable at being on the elevator with a man. I feel like your mom has ingrained an almost paranoia about how you are going to be perceived by women into you. I wonder if she perhaps had a bad experience at some point in her life?

You did everything right. Not only does it ensure women feel safer by not being in an enclosed space with a man, but it protects the man from false allegations. EVERYBODY WINS. This woman is so selfish and entitled to react in such a negative way. And really, SHE’S the insecure one. This reminds me of someone who I once knew who got offended when I put on a seatbelt when she was driving. Telling me I was an asshole for insinuating that she’s a bad driver. Really, all it did was make me think she WAS a bad driver if she would react in such a way.

I would do my best to stay away from this woman. Make sure that whenever you get into the elevator alone that she can’t jump in at the last second and trap herself with you. If a woman reacts in this way to simply being left alone by a stranger, she probably is also the kind to make false allegations against you.

YTA
Her friend, rightly, berated you. What you did WOULD cause the average woman to get self conscious. Hell if I was in the elevator and a woman went to enter then changed her mind just because I was in there, I’d think there was a smell or something ugly on my person.

Your mother gave you HORRIFIC advice.
DO NOT encourage eggshell behaviors. Do NOT encourage this modern BS of treating women like scared bunny rabbits.
If you take the elevator, TAKE THE DAMN ELEVATOR.
If a woman is scared because a man is there, then SHE needs psychological help. Period. End of story.

Wanna know how to keep women comfortable? Just live your life. Don’t stare. Don’t harass. Don’t try talking to them when they’re clearly engaged in something.
It’s that easy.

This has been your PSA from a happily married man with more female friends than male ones.

NAH. I’m 45 and also follow the same advice you were given. There are situations, though, in which it’s difficult to know which choice is better. In some cases, I’m told, it’s comforting to have a friendly/family face on board. It’s easy to over think these situations.

In this case you know that being obvious about avoiding the elevator has negatively impacted this lady much more than if riding with you would have. My suggestion would be the next time you see her speak to her and apologize and explain your intent. Let her know that you would be more than happy to ride the elevator with her, but only if doing so would not make her uncomfortable.

Yeah, you did know what she was talking about as that was your only interaction and you played dumb instead of saying what you wrote here about your mom teaching you how not to make women uncomfortable. You could have apologized for unintentionally making her feel bad and emphasized your desire to not make her fee unsafe, and then it woulda been fine and you woulda got your elevator ride back. Instead you made it worse.

Talk to her and start with an apology for being dense and not knowing what she meant and explain everything you wrote here

NAH. You’re attempting to be decent and not make her uncomfortable. She feels uncomfortable for a different reason. You’re both right in your rights to feel and do what you feel.

Now, if I can make a recommendation, apologize and explain to her that wasn’t your intention, you’d been raised to not enter an elevator with a lone woman you don’t know so as not to raise concern for her. Bonus, now that you two are familiar with each other, it’s no longer a concern and you can get on the elevator with her with no issue.

NAH, what you did is respectful, but can easily be interpreted the wrong way. I think the right thing to do would be the next time you see her to introduce yourself and explain the situation. Say you don’t really mind between taking the stairs and the elevator and that you thought being in an elevator alone with a man might make her uncomfortable. Ask her if she would like you to keep using the stairs or if she would be more comfortable taking the elevator together with you.

NTA. Ultimately you are protecting yourself when it comes down to it. People might have something to say about that, but they are also going to say you should’ve known better and should’ve protected yourself and not put yourself in that situation to be accused of anything either. Fuck what they think.

Nobody’s going to consider or protect you from pretty much anything, so you took an active role in minimizing your chances of being in a potentially messed up situation.

while you are not necessarily the AH for wanting to avoid making a woman uncomfortable, your approach may have had unintended consequences that made her feel excluded or self-conscious. It could be beneficial to communicate with her openly, if the opportunity arises, to clarify your intentions and show that you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. Balancing awareness of others’ comfort with a friendly demeanor can help create a more positive atmosphere in shared spaces.

YTA. Dude, you’re not being noble, honorable, respectful, or a white knight who is so empathetic and caring about the safety and feelings of women. You’re just being fucking weird. Step into the elevator, say “morning” if you want, and go about your day. If she wants to talk to you, she can decide that for herself. It takes a certain degree of arrogance to make that decision for her, which is the exact opposite of “respect”.

NTA

Tell that woman to fuck the hell off.

Any man who has any sense these days would NEVER be alone in an elevator with a woman. Not for her “comfort,” but to protect yourself.

Women have made it very clear they do not want to be approached by men. They have got what they wanted.

Men: Protect yourselves.

If she ever approaches you again, tell her she is making you uncomfortable and she should apologize for doing it.

While you are not wrong and having good intentions. It had the opposite effect on this woman.

I think there’s nuance to this and standing in the elevator is not a big deal.

A quick conversation with her friend or her can clear this up but moving forward be reasonable on making women feel comfortable without making them feel like you’re disgusted by them ha ha

Is this the case that you are calling the elevator, it stops at your floor you see her in it already so you turn away and use the stairs?

That would make me feel uncomfortable (and tbh far more uncomfortable than being in there on my own with a strange man – and a man I’d seen around the building that we both live in I wouldn’t count as a ‘strange’ man)

NTAH, that friend has no right to tell you to grow up & call you names.

Both misunderstood your intentions & you are not required to explain yourself or change your actions.

I’m a girl & my mom also told me not to go in an elevator with a random person too.

Take the steps , good for your health & don’t mind them both.

That’s so weird. Youre NTA but that is just super weird behavior. Women are not something to be avoided, they’re people man. You need only be aware of how they’re feeling as much as any other stranger you come across. Going out of your way to avoid this is not how you handle it.

Sorry dude, but your mom is an asshole. There’s a difference between making women feel safe and walking on eggshells around women. Just say hello, get on the elevator, stay in front of her, and don’t engage further unless she initiates conversation.

I don’t know why everyone is saying it’s sketchy or weird. He doesn’t want to ride in a elevator with another girl in there. Why Is thag such a big deal lmao if it makes him feel better than do it man if she feels weird about it then it’s on her

YTA. I get not acting in a way that’s threatening, but there’s absolutely no reason for you to cross a street or not use an elevator when there’s a woman in it. Women are more than capable of avoiding uncomfortable situations themselves.

NAH. The thought behind the action is good (great job mom!) but maybe next time just introduce yourself like a good neighbor and ask if it’s ok with her to be in the elevator with you. It would have saved a lot of misunderstanding

While it might be helpful to clarify your intentions if you encounter the woman again, it’s essential to prioritize your comfort and safety. You acted in a way you believed was respectful, so you’re not in the wrong here.

I don’t really understand. Why are we not getting in elevators when there is only one other person in it? It’s an elevator. You’re in it for 30 seconds. Stare at the wall on the opposite side of the elevator and get out.

YTA and i’m quite disturbed by NTA’s or even NAH here.

You are treating her differently than you would a man, or perhaps an old lady. Would you do the same for them?
Start treating people like equals.

NTA: Your mother provided you sound advice on how to avoid upsetting ladies. Safer than sorry, isn’t that right? Taking the stairs also works your body quite well! In any case, who needs an elevator?

NTA you literally did nothing wrong I would just think you’re late to something or don’t want to take the elevator. I probably wouldn’t have even looked up from my phone to know anything happened.

NAH as you were trying to be nice but the repeat behaviour is odd and unusual and probably made her feel more creeped out or worried than if you just took the elevator like a normal person.

You are like Neo, dodging bullets. These two broads are obviously deranged and you should do everything in your power to avoid them.  Her entire premise for approaching you is cray cray.

Yeah trying to bend over backwards for women treating you good eh?

Do women make these gesture for men? Why are we putting them on a pedestal? Your mom failed you.

You can get on the elevator. Consistently avoiding her is way weirder and causing more problems than just getting on the elevator and not being a rapist.

You were trying to be respectful and considerate of the woman’s comfort by avoiding the elevator when she was alone, which is a commendable intention.

Nta. She needs to stop thinking she’s thr main character.

But honestly I would just take the elevator from now on. And totally ignore her.

NTA, but seriously though, women aren’t children.. they can ride an elevator with another person without being scared for their life.

Just ride the elevator man. What you are doing is weird. If women are put off by your presence let them deal with it.

They are just mad a bear wasn’t getting on the elevator. NTA. Ignore them, damned if you do, damned if y ou don’t

YTA – I think what you do is already a pattern with the same person and it’s just creepy AF.

First time meeting a woman??? Don’t you know you are damned if you do and damned don’t.

You dodged a bullet. Keep avoiding being alone with her.

NTA

Nta, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.