At some level, every dude you ever date is going to want to have a threesome. I’m assuming you’re late teens yourself as you said your friend was 18f. So I assume your bf is as well. I’d like to say men grow out of it, but they don’t. What they DO grow out of is thinking they can just randomly ask their girlfriend in the shower one day if he can F her best friend. That hubris should pass by the time he’s 25 or 30. The couple who can successfully pull off a polyamorous relationship is pretty rare and are usually MUCH more mature than 18 to 20’s. It ain’t like in the movies. It’s entirely up to you, but fyi, at his age you can’t do anything about him having “the thought”. It IS up to him if he tries to act on it however, or if he keeps pestering you about it after you’ve drawn a clear boundary. On the flip side, if it truly was a one off question and he doesn’t pester you about it, than you shouldn’t pester him either. If you can’t do that, than end the relationship.

Whoa, we need a breather on this one. To me it sounded like communication. Now take that from a almost 40 year old but my wife and I talk about this shit all the time. We never do it because we trust each other. If this was just communication that’s healthy. You say “I’m not comfortable with that” and move on. But if it’s a deeper issue of trust then that involves further discussion. I don’t see anything that suggests cheating right now. Just needing to set boundaries. You guys are young. No boundaries have been set because no one crossed it or made mistakes yet. This could be an honest mistake. But again, that depends on your trust. I don’t truthfully see anyone here being the asshole at all. In fact I think it was worthwhile communication. If he pushed further after you shut it down, then he’s the AH. But no one sucks here. You feel a thing and boundaries need to be firmly discussed. That’s all in my opinion.

Nope, not the AH. He is thinking about it and was thinking about it right after sex so that makes it even more upsetting. As someone else mentioned, you can break up with someone for no reason at all.

That isn’t the issue. The issue is, are you going to be able to forget about this and when will he bring it up again. If you can live with not knowing those two things, then you could probably stay in this relationship.

At the least, he has bad timing and is too dumb to know you two are close friends. But I think the real issue is that he named her and said he thinks she likes me and then dismissed your cleqrly expected concern and unease. That is the real tell, and I wouldn’t stay if that was me. That feeling in your gut? That’s not going away.

YTA, he just asked a question – you’ve gone and made it mean things and upset yourself. It’s your assumptions that are upsetting you, take the opportunity to look at what’s coming up for you – is it insecurity? What are the stories you’ve come up with? Once you’ve got that sorted, talk to your partner about it. You can say things like “When you asked, I felt ” this way you’re only sharing your feelings and not throwing assumptions and accusations at him. It sounds like you’re a no to a threesome, and that’s ok. Having insecurities is ok too. Breaking up with him for asking if you’d be up for something is an AH thing to do. Just say no and explain what came up for you when he asked.

He is LYING!
1. He has thought about this before, probably for a while – to have a threesome AND have it be with your friend.
2. His mind went to Olivia, because he is and has been imagining it with her.
3. This was his way to put feelers out to see if you’d be open to it.
4. When your reaction wasn’t “Yes, yay, I’ll ask Olivia to come over tonight”, he said it was a joke.
5. He is gaslighting you into believing you are overreacting – you are infact, reacting like any normal person would.

Just confirmed this with a male co-worker. He read your post – he says all of the above too. Plus that your bf is dumb AF for making it so obvious.

Dump his ass.

I have this conversation with the guys I date as a 30yo. Some men just want to experience a threesome or at the very least think they want to. Not one has been overly pushy about it since I was in college. But I also haven’t kept one around long for different reasons.

I will also say that him suggesting an attractive friend as a second isn’t uncommon either.

My advice. Trust your gut. If you can’t trust him after this then you can’t. But I agree with him in the sense that it could have just been an initial conversation.

I also think you need to explore on your own why that one friend triggered you so aggressively.

YTA: he posed a question, you made a joking answer, he made an honest answer, you got upset..
I hate to break it to you, but a lot of men think about this. You could have just said it’s something you aren’t into and he likely would have dropped it.
I’m 40 and had a threesome in my twenties. It was awesome to experience and had no effect on my relationship at the time. I wouldn’t bring it up now with my wife because I already know it’s something she wouldn’t be into, but I wouldn’t be afraid to ask. I just posed the question a bit more gently asking if there was anything different she wanted to explore and she said no.

This is a definite red flag. Dont let him push you into something you’re not comfortable with. Saying you’d be “more comfortable with someone you both knew” instead of a random person is telling, he’s already thought this through thoroughly.  

I actually had this conversation in my youth with a boyfriend who suggested a threesome and ask me to suggest a third. I’m pretty sure he was hoping I’d suggest my friend Robin, a gorgeous girl who was kind of wild.

I suggested my friend Charlie (who was gay) 

He freaked out. Never brought it up again. 

NTA.  You can break up for any reason you want.  This seems like a red flag.  🚩 

I would talk to your friend about it and see if she mentions anything about him being inappropriate with her.  I see you are getting a lot of flack from the pro polyamory crowd but this isn’t how that works.  It’s a mutual decision and it’s consensual. It sounds like your BF was just asking for a threesome not for a different relationship structure.  He obviously wants to sleep with your friend and is trying to find a way around cheating. 

I’d break up too. It’s likely that you two are very young. The fact that he has her in mind means he wants to bang her. Then you will never stop thinking about how you aren’t “enough for him” and that will eat away at your self-esteem.
You are NTA. You know that’s just tainted everything and you will find a partner who values you and wants to stay faithful to you…
.
You are young and you got this. I’d also let Olivia know. He will Portugal hit her up and try to get with her after the breakup.

Not overreacting. It’s 1 thing to discuss having a threesome because he saw it in a movie you were watching or someone else brought it up in a group conversation. However, he randomly brought it up during an intimate time. Also, he jumped right to Olivia. He didn’t even have to think about it. If it were me, I would take that as he has a thing for her and is trying to find a legit way that you would be ok with him sleeping with her.

NTA. This is the junior version of opening a marriage. He’s asking essentially for permission to cheat, and he already picked out who he wants to do it with. It’s also say you’ve been missing some signs between them….or at least him.

I would talk to your GF quick, like ‘hey girl, bf is sooo cute he’s talking about you joining in ‘…. And see what her reaction is

As usual, redditors being psycho. Yeah, he’s into polyamorous shit. Stop shaming. Full stop.

OP, if you’re not into polyamory, you’re not an asshole for breaking up with him. Doesn’t mean he’s a freakazoid demon from the 9th circle of hell. Just means you two are fundamentally incompatible.

NTA. But to everyone demonizing OP’s partner, YTA.

Don’t know why this is such a big deal to you. Age and inexperience maybe? This is how communication about sexual exploration between partners happens. If you aren’t interested in something they bring up then say so, but breaking up over a question like that is childish. How else are you supposed to discover each other’s interests?

NTA.

He gave you the ick and you can break up with him over it. Or any reason really.

For me personally, like I would not be able to trust my bf after that. Everytime he even turn his head towards Olivia it would give me such a complex and that shit just ain’t worth it.

Conclusion he’s a big idiot and you’re better off.

You know, I would NOT break up — not at this point. Right now, it was a one-off conversation, fun and flirty after sex. He’s allowed to fantasize!

Now — he asked, and you said no. You set a boundary. If he brings it up again, THEN I’d consider breaking up. But not right now.

I would say ur not the ah. My boyfriend knows not to even joke about that bc we are commited to eachother and that would make me break up with him if he wanted a 3rd to join expecially if it was one of our friend’s. Ur boyfriend sounds the like ah bc he dismissed ur feeling

This does seem like a bit of an overreaction maybe not being an Ah but. He’s asked a question, it’s just a conversation about a topic lots of people talk about. The people in these comments saying he’s gonna try and force you to have a tbreesome etc are fucking insane

Break up with him for suggesting ideas to spice things up in the bedroom? I agree that a third should be someone both people are comfortable with. He obviously felt like Olivia might be someone that you guys could bring the subject up with.

NTA. Asking for a threesome with your good friend is definitely grounds for a breakup. You should have asked for a threesome with him and his guy friend first then fuck his friends brains out in front of him then break up. 

You can break up with anyone for any reason if you don’t want to be with them anymore. You don’t have to have a “good enough” reason. I know not the point of the post but an extremely important life lesson NTA

I guess it depends on a relationship’s humor. My bf and I will both joke about having a threesome with my friends or his friends. We both know we’re being completely joking and not serious.

I think breaking up would be an overreaction. What you described was a normal conversation between partners, and once you made it clear that you were uncomfortable with it, he backed off.

You can break up for whatever reason. He wants to fuck her BUT he didn’t cross any lines here, he’s merely tone-deaf and dumb. Use that information however you’d like.

Yeah I would have broken up with him as soon as he recovered from his concussion after accidentally slipping in the shower and hitting his head.

I’d definitely break up.

He wants to fuck your friend.

I’d end it, and then I’d tell Olivia what a creep he is.

NTA. It is time to break up. I wonder if he and Olivia are already cheating on you.

You’re discovering why 23 year old women aren’t bothering to date him.

Y’all 18 and he’s trying to have a threesome…nah bro. Run fast. 

You man wants to be with other women….you are under reacting.

Not the a\*\*hole, girl; Olivia-gate is a legit dealbreaker.

NTA it amazing how people don’t think before they speak.

Ask him how he’s like his best friend to join in.  Nta

He’s showing you he’s trash so believe him and leave

This is a full stop break up reason right here ngl

NTA. We need to normalize kink shaming. 

He’s grooming you for a threesome.