During a recent intimate encounter, the boyfriend allegedly removed the condom without the OP’s knowledge or consent halfway through sex. When the OP discovered this after he finished inside her, he admitted to taking it off earlier, stating that it “feels better without it” and later asking if she enjoyed the feeling more. The OP is now questioning whether this action is grounds for ending the relationship.
I (19F) live with my boyfriend (29M) in Texas. I’ve always used condoms with him and that is something we both agreed on from the beginning. I’m not on birth control, and he’s never had an issue with this, or so I thought.
Last night, we were being intimate. He put on a condom like always, and I got on top of him and started riding him. Halfway through he turned me over and started having sex with me from behind with me face down.
Near the end he turned me over again and started kissing me before he said he was about to cum and pulled out.
But I noticed something was off. I never saw him taking off the condom and he wasn’t wearing one. I kind of panicked and asked, “Where is it?” He just shrugged and said “it feels better without it” before finishing on me.
I was freaked out and asked him “when did you take it off?” to which he said “a while ago.”
I was mad. I told him he never asked me. He literally asked “did you enjoy the feeling more?” and I just didn’t know how to respond. I had a long shower and when I got back to bed he held me and apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again.
AITA if I break up with him over this?
Conclusion
The core conflict rests between the OP’s established boundary regarding sexual protection, which was based on a mutual agreement, and the boyfriend’s unilateral decision to violate that boundary for his own perceived physical comfort. The OP is left feeling betrayed and anxious following the violation of trust during an intimate moment.
The reader must weigh whether the boyfriend’s immediate apology and promise not to repeat the behavior are sufficient to repair the breach of trust, or if the non-consensual removal of protection constitutes a fundamental betrayal of the relationship agreement, making a breakup the necessary response.
Here’s how people reacted:
Step 2-get you financially dependent on him
Step 3-start testing your boundaries by disregarding them and apologizing/gaslighting you after
Step 4: Repeat process until you are dependent on him for everything and lose all sense of your former self.
Step 5: You’re now in an abusive relationship and are too manipulated, dependent and insecure to get out easily. The level of abuse and violation of your boundaries increases.
If you don’t leave him over this or report him for sexual assault, I’d have a serious conversation with him about one of you getting sterilized. Even if you have no real intent, tell him that you are going to do it the next time he stealths you. Either that or 100% START BIRTH CONTROL NOW! This man/predator can’t be trusted.
On a separate personal level tho, living with someone and having to use condoms is pretty sucky.
I wouldn’t even be in a relationship with someone I felt I needed to use condoms with, particularly if we’re living together. Condoms are for one night stands and cheaters, there are more effective and efficient birth control options.
Do not have sex with this AH again, and even better if you break up immediatly.
I know it is a tired point, but even though I am sure you are a lovely person with a great head on your sholders, the man targeted a teenager for a reaaon.
I’d leave him immediately. He violated your body. You didn’t consent to it. And he’s a grown man. He knows what he did. I wouldn’t trust him ever again
As others have said, stealthing is sexual assault. He’s trying to baby trap you. Pack up your stuff and leave now. If he begins to be verbally or worse physically abusive, call the police. Start figuring out what you absolutely cannot leave without and leave the rest.
Even if this never happens again, it’ll be something else.
This is indicative of a pattern of behavior where you aren’t respected and he will make decisions based on waht he wants, not a mutual decision.
He’s disrespecting your wishes about your body and not wanting a baby yet.
It’s time to let this one go. It will most likely only get worse.
You know how much it would suck to stuck with this dude as a baby daddy for the rest of your life?
Get yourself tested. Get yourself single. I suggest in that order.
NTA
But maybe just find someone else instead of this loser
Leave him please and date men your age.
This is sexual assault, full stop.
And he’s a creep for being with a woman so much younger than him.
Get out, please!!!!
He raped you.
Get out of this relationship now & tell the police!