Upon confrontation, the boyfriend admitted to secretly filming and distributing the videos for profit, attempting to minimize the act by claiming it was harmless and modern. The immediate aftermath saw the OP feeling violated and disgusted, leading her to immediately end the relationship. Her dilemma centers on whether her drastic reaction—ending the relationship and initiating a lawsuit for invasion of privacy—is an overreaction, especially as some mutual friends are criticizing her legal action.
I (29F) recently broke up with my boyfriend (32M) after finding out something truly horrible, and I feel totally wrecked by it all. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I ended things and now I’m suing him, and some people in my life are acting like *I’m* the one being unreasonable.
For a bit of backstory, we’ve been together just over a year. Everything seemed great, or at least I thought it was. But over the last few months, I noticed he was being a bit…weird with his phone?
Always turning it away or putting it face down. He also seemed to have a lot more cash than usual, which I thought was odd because he works a normal job, and we both sometimes struggled financially.
When I asked, he just brushed it off and said he was doing some side hustle and not to worry about it.
Then last week, my gut feeling just went into overdrive, and I decided to snoop a bit. I know, not great on my part, but something didn’t sit right. I went through his phone (while he was asleep) and found hidden folders full of videos.
Videos of *us*, taken during private moments when I had NO idea a camera was even on. I started freaking out and digging deeper, and that’s when I realized he had been posting them on a subscription site for money.
I saw comments from strangers, money transactions…everything.
When I confronted him the next day, he didn’t even try to deny it. He told me he needed the money and thought I’d “never find out.” He even tried to make me feel like I should just let it go because “everyone is doing this now.” He told me it was “harmless,” that people “loved” us, and that I should be proud of the attention.
Proud?! I felt so disgusted and violated, I couldn’t even look at him. I told him I was done and left that day.
Here’s the kicker, though: I’m suing him now. I went to a lawyer, and we’re going after him for invasion of privacy and emotional distress. I feel totally justified, but now some mutual friends are saying I’m overreacting and that it’s just the “modern way” of making money, that I should’ve been flattered by the attention.
One even said maybe I should just move on because “it’s not like he hurt me physically.” It’s like they don’t get how serious this is and how much this betrayal has messed with my trust.
I don’t know. Am I being too harsh here? I feel like I have every right to hold him accountable, but the backlash from friends is making me wonder if I’m being unreasonable. AITA for not just breaking up but also going after him legally?
Conclusion
The OP is in a position where her deep sense of betrayal and violation conflicts sharply with the dismissive attitudes of some in her social circle. She feels justified in seeking legal accountability for the non-consensual recording and distribution of intimate footage, but the external pressure suggests she may be acting too severely by pursuing litigation rather than just ending the relationship.
The central question for debate is whether the OP is being unreasonable by pursuing a lawsuit against her ex-boyfriend for sharing intimate videos without her knowledge, or if her legal action is a necessary and proportionate response to a severe breach of trust and privacy. Readers must weigh the severity of the privacy violation against the social pressure to overlook the ex-boyfriend’s actions.
Here’s how people reacted:
I don’t think it’s possible to overreact to finding out you’ve been unknowingly and unwillingly made into a freaking porn star! I’m truly disgusted by your friends and anyone in your life who would even think, let alone say out loud, that you’re overreacting.
You need to see if there’s police action available, sue the absolute shit out of him, see if a cease and desist can be issued to any sites he sold it to and drop every last loser who uttered shit except he sucks and let’s crucify him.
Girl I am so goddamn mad for you. Where is this garbage excuse of a “man” at because I’m about ready to ride for you. Ugh people are so terrible.
NTAH at all!! What he did was a HUGE violation of trust. Like, I watch porn, but I would mortified to be IN a porn video. And your friends? Drop anyone who agrees with his side or is trying to defend you, because those are not real friends. Real friends would be telling you about deep mountain ravines that a body would never be recovered in, not telling you to get over it and be flattered people liked you in the videos.
Anyone telling you that you’re overreacting can fuck all the way off.
I have nothing against sex workers. However, that requires consent and you weren’t given that respect.
There are laws in place specifically to prevent this. You did not consent to any of it and he AND the site profited from it.
Get new friends.
Sue his ass. He needs to learn a lesson.. and wipe those friends.
This is NOT okay and “everyone” is NOT doing it! Gees.
Sue him for everything he has and if possible file criminal charges
NTAH!!
Sue him & drop the “friends”
You were violated and their moral compass, if not exists, is SEVERELY warped 🤬
Sounds like a very reasonable response to what was done to you.