Yes. It sounds like you are. If they would support you if it was a medical necessity it seems like you are indeed the A-hole here. Sounds like you’re fixated on this for some reason even though someone loves you and likes you just the way you are.

To me it seems like perhaps your life has become too easy and you’ve become too complacent and neglected to do any kind of gratefulness examinations. You’ve allowed yourself to become unhealthily fixated on a physical aspect of yourself that is natural and unbothering to anyone but yourself for whatever reason you have and are wanting to fix it when the sensible thing to do would be to find something healthier to focus on and accept yourself the way you are.

I will say though that I find it an odd line-in-the-sand for him to draw, but thats too debatable of a matter. Some people believe love should be physically blind and others believe theres nothing wrong with expecting a level of physical attraction to their partner and I see the validity of both sides, personally I believe there is a middle ground between the two that is the best place to fall. That said, if you can think of even just a single unnecessary augmentation he could do to his own body that would massively turn you off and make you not want to be physical with him anymore, and are expecting him to not feel the same way about the one you are considering, then you’re blinding yourself to the truth of your actions. I find it hard to imagine you’d be 100% still sexually attracted to him the same if he chose to say, go get a boob job himself and slap some C’s or D’s on his chest but wanted to otherwise be the exact same. It wouldn’t make much sense to you, or would it?

You both have the right to feel the way you feel, you have the right to augment your body and he has the right to not like that and choose to leave. Whats important at the end of the day is Why you’re so dead-set on this, Why he is so dead-set against it, what this change would mean for you on a day-to-day basis and what not changing it would mean for you on a day-to-day basis both mentally and physically, and if those changes on either end are so strong as to spell the doom of the relationship. It seems like a small thing (just to me) for him to walk away from the relationship over, but it also seems like a silly thing for you to be fixated on to the point of allowing the relationship to die over it when it’s not necessary to do. Unless you’d truly be depressed and mentally unwell the entire rest of your life unless you got this alteration.

ESH. Your body, your money, your choice. Nobody can stop you from making a decision about yourself, and if this is something you’ve wanted since you were 15 then it is clearly not some impulsive idea. That said, surgery without medical necessity always carries risk. You have no pain, no back issues, no physical limitations, so what you are choosing is a cosmetic operation. That makes your husband’s concerns about body image and potential regret fair to bring up, even if you do not like hearing it.

Where he went wrong is in how he handled it. Telling you he will not “allow” it and threatening to smear you to your family is manipulative and cruel. That is not setting a boundary, that is trying to control you through fear. What he should have said is that he loves your body as it is, and that if you go through with it he may no longer feel the same attraction, which could mean the marriage does not work anymore. That is not control, that is honesty about his limits.

You are not wrong for going ahead, and he is not wrong for deciding he cannot stay if this changes the relationship for him. You are wrong for brushing off his concerns entirely, and he is wrong for using threats instead of an honest conversation. This is not black and white. It is two people who want different things, and the way he expressed himself turned it into a fight instead of a discussion.

Difficult one – Not going to judge either way, but will say this. If you change who he married, then there’s the risk of that changing things.

You’re in the right to control your body, normally a strong relationship and a partner would be able to absorb that, but it’s not a given. Personally I don’t see your surgery as a big change, but for instance a woman having long hair and suddenly getting it all shaved off would be a big change to me personally.

I think it would have been more reasonable if you did it out of back pains etc. The extreme version of this is someone going out to suddenly get body covering tattoos and piercings all over the body and still expecting their partner to want to stay with them, even though they looked completely normal when they met.

If you both want the relationship to work, then there’s compromise. If this is not something to compromise on then it’s over naturally. I hope you don’t have kids yet, would be insane to split up a family over a cosmetic surgery.

If you want the surgery more than your husband, do it. If you want your husband more than the surgery then don’t. Does not look like you will change his mind. make the decision and just let the chips fall where they fall. Who is right and wrong is semantics at this point. if he has not been a good husband in other areas then the decision is a lot easier. As long as money is not an issue and it would not adversely affect our lifestyle, I would have nothing to say. However, every surgery is a risk of life. For example… no matter how much I liked big breast It would make me extremely mad for anybody to suggest implants on my partner for my benefits, because it is not worth the smallest chance to me. however if it adversely affected her life and she wanted it, I would be supportive. Just me /:

I understand him. He loves your true beauty. Not the altered version you find more beautiful in the future after surgeries. Regardless it is your body you’re right. But it is your husband. I’m not saying your body is his. But you did make vows if im not mistaken and if youre not sharing your body with anyone else then your body is really just for him. I’m not saying you’re a piece of meat for his enjoyment but you share his body and he shares yours. I’m not sure you would be okay with him shortening his height surgery or a penis delenghtening lol 😂 I know they sound incomparable. At the end of the day you’re married and if yall get divorced over boobies. Then yall don’t deserve marriage period.

YTA . So no back pain, purely cosmetic permanent change? Guys crying in the garden? Fuck I would be too. Sexual chemistry or lack there of is a make or break for most relationships. Yeah it’s your body. You are making a permanent unnecessary change to that. It’s the same with tattoos. Some guys like them, some find it a turn off. Same for ladies. If you married a guy and were both on the same page with that, then turned around and was like yeah fuck it, gonna get a tat regardless of what you want. A lot of dudes would leave. If he wanted to get a dick reduction because he thinks it’s prettier small, would you be cool with that? Your body your choice, his life his choice.

You are making a major alteration to your body that is not medically necessary you should be talking to a mental health specialist. Where I live it is required by law to make sure the decision is fully thought through. And everyone saying he is giving an ultimatum, yes and no. He is telling her if she does this he will leave. That is his right. And if he didn’t tell her before hand and then left you would all tear him apart for that too. This man is in a no win situation and they both should be speaking to someone about it.

Sounds like everyone is free to make decisions that suit them. So, that’s a win-win, right? You get to have a cosmetic surgery for whatever reasons and that makes you happy. He gets to decide that he doesn’t want to be married to a woman who is changing her appearance for non-medical reasons. No one is coercing anyone in this situation. You guys are just incompatible on this issue and it’s important to the both of you. So, it’s best to let go of the marriage so neither of you are miserable.

I would not leave a woman over this.

But I would if she decided to all of a sudden start getting lots of tattoos – like sleeves and legs, etc. Face tattoos. Or started getting those earlobe things and piercings everywhere in her face and ears and other places. Or decides to get a grill Or decided to get lips and cheeks and chin and nose, etc done.

So I am not going to just completely write the guy off because I don’t agree with his particular line in the sand.

He thinks of you as property. He may not see it that way, but that is what this is. You’re taking away “his” funbags and he wants you to suffer for it. He’s willing to lie to your family about your mental health to keep you under control. He doesn’t care about you as an individual or respect your autonomy.

He’s not a good person. He left. The trash took itself out.

Get your surgery. Live your best life.

His love is conditional and he is attached to a fantasy about your body, not you as a person.

He does not love you as much as he claims to. You are better off without him if he cannot support you. Also claiming you are mentally ill shows how little he thinks of you. Insisting someone is mentally unstable just because they are against a change due to personal reasons is insane itself.

What if she had breast cancer, and he left because he was no longer attracted after her breasts were removed? Or what if she left after he got a beer belly because she found him less attractive?

Is it valid for his attraction model to only be based on shallow aesthetic things? Sure. But does that make HER the AH? No.

Your body, your choice. I think he’s being an asshole for using this as a reason to leave. That’s not how I want my marriage to be.

But… I’m poly. I would almost certainly stay with my wife even if we stopped having sex. I could find sex elsewhere. I wouldn’t be locked into sexlessness.

Unless there is other context missing it shows that you value to your husband is purely physical. If he can’t accept you with physical changes then you are better off leaving now and doing what makes you happy vs waiting for natural aging to hit a point he doesn’t accept

reading this, I couldn’t see where this was going, but then breast reduction being the cause of him leaving you? Crazy. But to be in his shoes, he loves your big boobs and and doesntvkvvzk…. never mind. I don’t get is thought process.

My suspicion is that there is more going on here than cosmetic surgery. I feel like we don’t have the full story. That having been said, his willingness to divorce over it suggests that there are underlying incompatibilities.

This post is odd. I don’t understand why the OP wants a breast reduction (which is still a major surgery) if there aren’t any medical reasons for it. I don’t understand why the husband cares that much: This is all very odd.

You have the right to do what you want with your body.

he has the right to not like it and find it unattractive.

no one is the asshole here. unless you think that he is not entitled to his opinion or feelings.

So lose a husband and some chest? Sounds like a bad deal, especially if it’s just “purely cosmetic” just sounds like you want this for no good reason but will toss away something good (husband who loves you)

Your tits were the deal breaker? He’s an idiot. I guess your health &comfort don’t matter as long as you’re nice to look at. And then to make it like you were losing a good man? What a loser.

UpdateMe

IT is your decision to do with your Body what you want. But it is His decision to Like it or Not and leave. He can Not force you to Not to the surgery, you can Not force him to stay. Its that simple.

Marriage counseling, if you want to stay married. Take this issue off the table and out of your mind, ok now, do you love him? Has he been a good husband otherwise? If yes, then don’t do this. 

I mean kudos for you for going through with it I guess . Couldn’t be me though I wouldn’t go through surgery and deal with painful recovery just for the hell of it lol 😂

So ladies, if your man decided to get a dick reduction would you stay? Granted many of you claim you don’t care about sex in the first place so that should be discounted

Consider this. I have never seen a breast reduction that was aesthetically appealing. So if you’re doing it for purely aesthetic reasons you might want to reconsider.

A 15% reduction or you want like 90% removed?

Like just a regular thing? Or you want a special shape?

I feel like we’re missing a lot of context 

He’s correct. You are free to choose and so is he.

He told you how your choice would impact his. So now you can make your decision fully informed.

Your right to control how you look, his right not to look at you the same anymore. You are making the choice, but it certainly affects you both.

It’s hard living in a society that constantly tells you your body is wrong so they can sell you something to fix it. It’s incredibly pervasive.

Cosmetic? Doesnt that type of surgery leave a very noticeable scar? Im speaking from experience, dated a couple of women who have had it done.

You should demand he gets a penial reduction surgery.
After all, doesn’t he care about your opinion?
Maybe I’m just a bitter asshole.

Good luck with the surgery.

Also this is a man who will leave you for a younger model when your body starts changing as you age.

Dude I want a breast reduction in the worst way. I do not blame you in any way shape or form. Did he marry you or your boobs?

Yeah you’re such a dummy for going through with this and ruining your marriage 😂 he’ll be much better off without you

I feel like you need to read the one from the husband whos wife did this and he just didnt fancy her anymore.

Sounds like a douchebag, let him go. Do you really want someone like that around?

Why do you want to chop up your body? Get over it.

everyday i am grateful to be single 🙏

Why do these all sound so fake?