The OP felt an immediate internal resistance to the request, especially since the friends did not mention contributing financially through rent or groceries. While the OP fears the confrontation and feeling like a ‘huge asshole’ for refusing, they are also concerned about settling into their first home while immediately sharing it with others without any established boundaries. The OP’s central dilemma is whether to agree to this potentially overwhelming request or to establish firm boundaries early on.
My husband and I received the notice that our offer was accepted! We’re super excited and started sharing the news with our close friends and family. One of our friends who is going back to school in our state said congrats and then said asked since the timing works out, can him and his wife come live with us for a year.
My immediate gut reaction was no because we haven’t even lived in the house yet and we’d immediately have to share the space with them. They also have not shared any plans of paying rent, helping with groceries, etc.
I would feel like a huge asshole telling them no and having that uncomfortable confrontation, but something tells me as first time homeowners we’d be frustrated If we immediately let them move in when we haven’t settled in ourselves.
Also, I can’t help but wonder what was their plan if we didn’t get a house and still lived in our apartment… this just feels like they jumped on the opportunity of living somewhere free.
Just looking for others opinions because I’m feeling pretty worked up about it.
Conclusion
The OP is currently caught between the desire to maintain a positive friendship and the practical need to establish a stable, private environment in their new home as first-time owners. Their discomfort stems from the friend’s perceived expectation of free accommodation, which conflicts directly with the OP’s need for personal space and time to settle in.
The situation forces a decision between avoiding immediate social discomfort and prioritizing the long-term well-being and financial security of their new household. Readers must weigh the value of preserving the friendship against the necessity of setting clear, early boundaries regarding shared living arrangements and financial contributions.
Here’s how people reacted:
It was the worst decision. Newlyweds having no real privacy was just dumb on my part. Didn’t help when he wound up staying for a year before I had to get ugly and start insisting he work something out.
Boundaries are important for every relationship, this friendship could use some right now. “Hey we really love you guys but it just wouldn’t work out for us at this time.” If they press for info it’s up to you what to share just be firm that you need your own space for your relationship to grow.
Every time we are back in a city, we will ask friends if we can stay with them. Obviously with the intention to contribute to rent and all. At the same time, we will tell them it’s ok if we can’t.
Reason being. It is a lot easier to stay with friends than looking for a place to stay. Especially when it is temporary.
Your friends obviously think you guys are close enough to pop the question. You can ask them more questions instead of giving a yes or no reply. This way, it doesn’t lead to an immediate yes or no.
Ask them about their plans, if they have started looking for places to stay, etc etc etc.
Take it from someone that’s been there. Had a friend move in est was 6 months to get on his feet. It took 3 yrs and a gf to get him to move out. His stuff is still at my place 8 months later I keep hounding him to get his stuff out. He won’t.
It’s the most frustrating thing ever. NTA don’t invite him in. It may strain the friendship for a bit but it’s better than the friend being a burden and straining it for a long time and you grow to resent them.
I couldn’t be comfortable or happy in my home. It will dampen the relationship with your husband
Moving into your first home is a blessing meant to be shared by you two alone. Get things in order, taking time to set everything the way you want.
You need another couple ruining your accomplishment by them having to be there, in the way, suggesting ideas, etc etc etc.
Congratulations! I hope you enjoy your new home together. Best wishes for happiness
If you don’t think you can do that with said friend, or you don’t WANT them there, say no.
NTA, and analyze why you think you’d be the asshole for telling them that they can’t come *live with you*. They’re asking to live in your home for a year, not borrowing a cup of sugar. If they think you’re an asshole for that, then they are not your friends.
and I bet they never reach out when they relocate to make plans. That is such a gigantic ask that it feel suspicious to me
Tell them No, you aren’t looking for (non paying) roommates and best of luck with their college plans.
NTA and do NOT let them. Just say no.
NTA
Just straight up say, “Sorry, no, we aren’t interested in having tenants or roommates.”
NTA