Have a propper conversation first, if she won’t understand afterwards it’s time to change your perspective on her. As she might not be mature enough to have a relationship. I will never ever, hug or whatever someone I hooked up with, especially not when my man is around. The blatant disrespect she has for you is obvious. Especially considering past things she said. As I read it now she doesn’t respect you enough to respect your boundaries. Also the earlier comment makes me think she doesn’t respect you at all.

Even if it might be true I would never voice it like that to my man.

NTA

Not respecting your feelings is the first issue here.
Using a manipulation tactic against you by saying “you would be intimidated by him” is the next issue (and I don’t buy her apology for a second here)

But the MOST IMPORTANT aspect is:

All of this is happening with a guy she hooked up with. Meaning a mam she thought to be hot/desirable enough to sleep with, without requesting commitment in the form of a relationship (and all that comes with it) in return.

And at some point, I’d question why you keep running into this dude.

Eh this is a bit tricky but I’d say NAH.

You’re clearly a bit insecure and it’s understandable, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with what your gf is doing. You can ask her to stop but now you’re starting down a weird controlling route where you have to give the OK to who she can and can’t hug.

Either you trust her or you don’t, and that’s what this comes down to. And it seems like you don’t, or else it wouldn’t matter who she’s hugging. Which is fine and doesn’t make you an AH. But it doesn’t make her one either.

Different levels of comfort. Where do you put the line? I feel a conversation about general guidelines is appropriate. If it made my GF uncomfortable, I would totally get that.

And also, you need to communicate that this is a YOU problem. It is not her problem, in a sense she is not doing anything wrong. But you are asking her to not do something that is just normal, on behalf of your insecurity. You need to communicate that you understand that clearly.

No, no, F that. She’s being willingly oblivious to your justified jealousy. You have asked her to respect your feelings and cut it out several times and she refuses to accommodate your request or take it seriously. She needs a serious one on one where you define your boundaries and what you can and cannot accept. If she remains stubborn about it, then quite honestly, she does not respect your feelings and it would be up to you to choose what to do next.

it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your feelings. While she may see the hugs as harmless, it’s essential for her to consider your perspective and the potential impact on your relationship. Having a conversation about this and exploring alternatives to hugging, like a friendly wave, could help ease the tension between you both.

NTA! I think it’s reasonable to set a boundary if something makes you uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter what it is, if it makes you feel uncomfortable in your relationship then it’s not unheard of for you to set that boundary! bring it up in a calm manner and talk about it constructively, make it clear how you feel.

If she insists on hugging her ex every time they meet, just cut her loose so she can go ahead and do whatever she wants with him. She probably will do whatever she wants anyway regardless of whether you break up with her, but it will simpler and less contentious to just get the breakup out of the way first.

Sure! It’s understandable to feel protective in that situation. Communication is key. Did you explain why it bothered you? How she reacted can really shape the outcome. It’s important to balance your feelings with trust in the relationship. What was her response when you brought it up?

>I should also mention this is a guy she once described to me as “someone I would be intimidated by.”

So she thinks he is better than you. Why would you be intimidated by if he was just a friend? That was a giveaway and your hint to get out.

Not respecting your wishes, which are incredibly reasonable, would be enough for me to put my foot down or leave. You’re in your 30’s man, too old to be dealing with this shit. You need someone that brings you peace, not this feeling.

Perhaps having a deeper conversation about boundaries and comfort levels would be a good next step, focusing on how both of you can feel secure in the relationship without imposing restrictions that may feel controlling.

She’s with you, right? Why are you insecure about her hugging someone she’s no longer hooking up with?

You can ask her, but you cant enforce her. If she doesn’t wanna stop, break up cuz you’re clearly not compatible

She’s the asshole for making you say something about it. She wants you to be more friendly to the guy she used to fuck? Just leave her and let her have him. Fuck that

She has no self awareness at all.

“This is a guy you would be intimidated by”

Proceeds to go hug and converse with him at any chance she gets?

Yeah… Not for me

Bruh. What else is she supposed to do. Shake his hand and say “how do ya do?” Blame society for excepting women to hug everyone as a greeting.

That’s her backup, in case you dump her, she then can ask him out again. If you feel insecure about your relationship with her then leave her.

Well let’s flip the card and see. Ask how she would feel if you hugged an d hook up every time you saw her and you didn’t respect her wishes.

The power-play here is of course to hug him also, given it’s ok to do so. Let him realise that hugging your GF means also hugging you.

It’s not unreasonable to ask for a bit of respect when it comes to past hookups, especially if it’s bugging you this much.

NTA, you’ve set a very reasonable boundary… if she can’t respect your boundary then it’s time to go separate ways.

I didnt even read this. Let her go. You feel insecure or shes acting like a slut. Doesn’t matter, its toxic.

Right now its a hug. One day she’ll come home and mention she tripped and accidentally fell on his cock.

NTA- you have some serious issues of disrespect in your relationship. Don’t know if it can be overcome.

He is on the back burner, the moment you disagee on something is the moment he will be in those pants.

He. Came. Inside. Of her.

And you’re just gonna let her hug him? Where the fuck are your balls?

You go around hugging other women and that sort of stuff and see how fast and hard she explodes.

YTA

Your insecurities are your problem. Work on them, instead of acting possessively.

This is the type of girl that shes not yours its just your turn can be applied to.

Reflect on why hugging him is more important to her than your feelings on it.

Do the same thing to a girl you hooked up with. Repeatedly.

Not the A-hole, bro hug territory can indeed be tricky.

When your GF hugs him, you should hug him from behind.

NTA but i don’t think she will respect your wish.

Dude, don’t let yourself get cucked like that

Nah bro she is out of line for that.

Therapy to work on your insecurities