Wendy, fifty, returned home after a leisurely vacation to discover her lovely lawn covered in a mound of gravel by her irresponsible neighbor, Tom. Wendy came up with a fantastic vengeance plan that became the talk of the neighborhood when he refused to make the repairs.
Now, everyone, gather around, because you’re about to find out what happened to your beloved fifty-year-old lawn lady! I’ve been in Hawaii for the past two weeks, basking in the sun. Excitement filled me as I took off to return to my cherished haven, only to discover a mound of gravel deposited squarely in the center of my priceless grass!
My mouth dropped to the ground. It appeared as though we were on a dangerous building site!
What came to mind first? My youthful neighbor Tom, he has about as much manners as a jackrabbit. Damn him.
This person, you see, is so conceited that he believes he is the center of the neighborhood.
I went over to his place, fuming.
He was lying there on his couch, half-eaten bag of chips balanced dangerously on his stomach like a king on his throne.
“Tom,” I said, “what in the world is this mess doing on my lawn?”
He looked up, his eyes briefly expanding before returning to their casual expression. “Well, hello Wendy. You’re back from your brief getaway, huh? It’s nice to see you.”
With a finger sprinkled with chips, he made an ambiguous motion toward the window. “You know, I needed some room for my renovation project. had nowhere else to place it.”
Project Reno? Was this miscreant referring to this atrocity as a renovation project? My neighborhood’s talk-about, award-winning lawn transformed to a gravel pit?
“Didn’t have anywhere else to put it?” I shot back. “So you decided to just dump it on my property?”
With that annoying casualness still emblazoned on his face, Tom shrugged. “Look, Wendy, it’s only some gravel. Not a huge deal.”
This was an obvious disregard for my hard work and property!
“This is not a small annoyance,” I exclaimed. “You’ve ruined my yard! How much time and work have I put into that grass, do you know?”
At last, he put down the chip bag, a flicker of irritation in his eyes. “Okay, okay, stop it, please. Could you please relax? It’s not as though I intentionally done it.”
“Not on purpose?” I sneered. “So you just accidentally dumped a mountain of gravel on my lawn while you were sleepwalking?”
Tom started to respond, but I stopped him. I looked down at him and said, “Look, this isn’t over.” You’re going to pay for the damage and clean up this mess.”
A gloating grin appeared on his face. “Acquire? Not at all! He leaned back on the couch and remarked, “Good neighbors don’t act like you, Wendy.
My pulse rate skyrocketed.
It seemed like arguing with a stone wall when I spoke to him. After that, I pivoted on my heel and strode back towards my residence. I wasn’t going to let this haughty young buck walk all over me, though, you can bet your precious bippy.
What followed was a true test of grit. I made war on that gravel mountain with my reliable wheelbarrow and a boiling pot of rage.
My eyes watered from the backbreaking labor, which involved hauling load after load back into Tom’s driveway.
Naturally, Tom, who is always on the lookout, had to make an appearance. I was carrying a very heavy burden when I heard someone bellow from the other side of the hedge.
“Hi! What are you doing, in your opinion? Tom tried to stop me as he rushed out.
I stood up straight and used the back of my hand to wipe my brow. A small cloud of gravel dust whirled about me. “Just returning what’s rightfully yours, Tom,” I replied.
“Justly mine? Are you deranged? I’m using that gravel for my renovation job. He waved his hand madly at his home.
“Funny,” answered I, “because the last I checked, reno projects happen on your own property, not your neighbor’s meticulously cared-for lawn.”
For a little while, he sputtered and his face turned red. “This is absurd! My gravel can’t just be dumped on my driveway, lady.
I responded, “Seems perfectly fair to me,” and with a satisfying crunch, I pushed the wheelbarrow past him. “You left it on my grass without saying anything. I’m doing the favor back now.”
Tom balled his fists at his sides and clinched his jaw. However, he was powerless to take action.
His once immaculate driveway had the appearance of a little quarry. Every time he passed me, he shot me daggers, but I kept my head held high. Every painful muscle was worth it to watch his smug face distorted in displeasure.
I wasn’t finished, though.
It wasn’t quite enough, but moving gravel was good. Tom required a serious wake-up call that struck him in the most vulnerable place—his priceless pride. I noticed them at that point.
A gleam of mischievousness came into my eye as I stared out my window. Tom seemed to be beckoning me to come look at his prized collection of gnomes, beautifully arranged in his front yard.
To be quite honest, I wasn’t planning on stealing gnomes this summer. However, as they say, desperate times need desperate means.
Furthermore, Tom’s collection of gnomes wasn’t just any collection. He took great pride and happiness in these small garden guys. He would take great care of them, treating them like tiny pieces of royal regalia. He would also shoo away any local children who ventured too near.
It was a straightforward task to liberate gnomes.
I called on two of my best friends, who are also retirees with a fair dose of mischief in their hearts, Betty and Martha, for assistance.
Armed with flashlights and lots of laughter, we waited until dusk. With my heart racing, I felt like I was in a spy movie as I crept into Tom’s yard.
We freed the entire battalion with a little cooperation, including the gloomy, joyful, and fishing-pole-wielding gnomes. With their painted faces looking accusingly from the backseat, we packed them into Betty’s minivan.
The plan came to pass the following morning. We gave our gnome captive a quick tour of the town.
A planned battle scenario in front of the town hall, a picture op by the historic market square fountain, and a dramatic “gnome-ster” arrest at the police station (fortunately, the officer on duty had a good sense of humor) were all held.
Betty’s handy camera allowed us to record their short journey and capture the ridiculousness in all its beauty.
It was midday, and Tom was feeling very excited. In a desperate attempt to find his lost gnomes, he had called every neighbor in the neighborhood. Finally, he came over to me, and I couldn’t help but poke fun at him.
“Tom, Tom, Tom,” I said with a fake laugh. I haven’t noticed any gnomes in this area. Perhaps they simply choose to go on holiday themselves?”
It was somewhat depressing, but yet nearly comical. Well, the man did bring it all upon himself.
Then, with a sly smile, I gave him printed pictures from the gnome freedom and exclaimed, “Your gnomes seem to be having a great time! When you settle the harm to my grass, they will return. Wink, wink!”
You should have seen the expression on his face, really. It was magnificent. He still wouldn’t pay, though, for ruining my priceless grass. I raised the ante as a result.
You see, Tom loved to flaunt his immaculate garden and immaculate lawn at this yearly dinner party that was soon to take place. It was the ideal chance to pull a small practical joke.
I gave the gnomes back that evening, under the cover of darkness, but with a change.
I turned those small garden guys into attendees of an enormous gnome rave by arming them with some spare yarn, googly eyes, and a wicked sense of humor. A few gnomes were lying splayed out on the lawn, their limbs akimbo, sunglasses balanced awkwardly on their noses.
Some had their little hands clasped together in a conga line. And then there were the, um, “intimate” couples that were positioned in the yard’s bushes.
I laughed a lot, and it was quite the scene.
Tom came out of his residence the following morning, his hair disheveled and his eyes bloodshot. He was quick to observe that his collection of gnomes was arranged in a hmm… “unconventional” manner.
His cheeks darkened like a ripe tomato as his mouth fell. His visitors will soon be arriving. Whoa! When they saw his gnomes in these “compromising positions?!” what would they think?
He scurried around, attempting desperately to put his gnome army back in its customary prim and tidy places.
However, the harm had already been done. The talk around the neighborhood was gossiping. As little Timmy from next door rolled on the ground laughing, Mrs. Henderson from across the street nearly choked on her morning coffee. Tom gave me a vicious look as I went outside.
He sputtered, “You… you vandalized my property!”
“Vandalized?” I pointed at his gnomes and naively raised an eyebrow. “Well, Tom, please come on now. All they appear to be doing is having a little fun. Do you not believe that they occasionally deserve a night off?”
He started to respond, but his words seemed to stop in his throat. “Good neighbors are those who have good fences, Tom. Would you agree that a brief reminder was necessary? I laughed.
I realized that he was in my grasp. I didn’t stop there, though.
There was yet more icing on this revenge sundae. I gave a local landscaping company a call the day following Tom’s party.
Greetings, ma’am! A man replied, “This is Billy Bob from Billy Bob’s Best Backyards,” with a tad of Southern accent.
“Hello, my front lawn needs some fresh fertilizer. “Here is the address.” I replied, passing along Tom’s address.
“Whoa, what a shit! The guy chirped, “We’ve got a special bargain on all-natural manure that will make your grass greener than a shamrock.
Tom woke up the following morning to the mother of all olfactory assaults.
In the middle of his front yard stood a massive pile of boiling manure with pride. A buzzard could have been scared off a dung heap by the stench.
For days, Tom was left stumbling around, frantically attempting to shovel away the problematic pile. Naturally, the neighborhood enjoyed a field day. People were taking pictures, trying not to gag, and driving slowly past with their windows down.
Tom appeared to have aged ten years by the time he had completed tidying up the mess. His hair was disheveled, his cheeks flushed, and the lingering odor of faint manure lingered on him like a horrible memory.
He came to my place later that day carrying a large amount of cash.
“Look, Wendy,” he groaned, his resolve finally giving way. “I understand. I erred. You prevail. Your retribution was served. You do want the yard taken care of, don’t you? Take this money, please.”
“Tom, it’s not quite revenge,” I remarked. More akin to a teaching. Remember that nice neighbors make for good fences? Perhaps the next time, get permission before piling a ton of gravel into someone’s lawn.”
I wasn’t finished, though. A proper christening for my yard and a nice chuckle for the neighbors were both much needed.
I therefore made the decision to host a barbecue party, but with a little twist.
An extravagant “Welcome Back, Beautiful Lawn” celebration included potato salad, burgers, and enough rumors to last the neighborhood for weeks.
And guess who offered to grill? Well, actually, it was me. Yes, Tom.
With a spatula in hand, he stood in front of my house, compelled to host the same individuals he had offended.
To exacerbate the situation, I had erected a temporary picture wall that displayed the most memorable moments from the gnome liberation effort. Visitors snickered and guffawed at pictures of gnomes “partying” in different parts of the town.
With his face as red as the coals beneath the grill, Tom could only muster a fake smile.
So what are everyone’s thoughts? Did my retaliation go too far? Did Tom merit a small dose of his own medicine, or what? Tell me in the comments below!