Having a second child decades after my first one was supposed to be meant to be a transforming event in life. Our arguments started, though, when my son revealed he was also expecting a child. His expectant girlfriend acted out of control demanding things I wasn’t ready to deal with!
Although my son Kyle was born when I was twenty and still a child myself, I believe I did the best I could for him as a parent.
This year should have been one of happy events. First, at forty-two, 22 years after meeting Kyle, I decided to have another child! The second joyful event left ME stunned as well.
When I was four months along, Kyle, in his last year of college, announced the news of his girlfriend’s pregnancy! Before the year was over, I had not anticipated to become a mother; shortly afterward, a grandma!
Though I’m not lying, I wasn’t particularly happy about my son starting a young marriage like myself. From my own experience—which includes being a single parent—raising a baby while still quite young is challenging.
But because Kyle appeared enthralled, I said nothing.
“Kyle, that’s fantastic! That you will be a father astounds me! I hugged him and cried. ” thanks, Mom! You will be a first-time grandma, though,” he answered, reciprocating the kind hug.
“Our children will be born few months apart! This dawned on me as we dug more into the issue.
Though first shocked, I welcomed my new position. I began helping them both materially and emotionally as well as extensively financially. Already entwined, our lives were going to get much closer—or so I believed.
The conflict started when I had delivered my lovely newborn daughter. Among the folks who paid me visits in the hospital were Kyle and his girlfriend, Sarah. Congratulations! Two beautiful youngsters are now yours to parent! As Kyle tied balloons and his girlfriend handed me flowers, he said.
“Aw!” Thanks for showing up, gentlemen. The balloons and blossoms are really beautiful. Luck was on their side since the nurse wheeled in my infant daughter for me to feed at just that moment. Touching her small fist, my son questioned, “What is my baby sister’s name?”
“I named her Clara,” I said boldly. I found great emotional resonance in the name, which also seemed like one our expanding family would start a fresh chapter. Kyle and his girlfriend, on the other hand, had different intentions!
Her name startled my son’s girlfriend into a sharp scream! I swear; I felt I had lost hearing! Haunted by the sudden sound, my infant daughter broke out in her own bawl!
I tried to calm her by holding my priceless bundle near.
Although their hospital visit should have been a joyful event, it turned into anarchy! Concerned about baby Clara, the nurse arrived hurrying back. Sarah had shouted so loudly that I worried about the hospital windows!
Their demand was instant and ridiculous: “The point is, this name…” I was to change Clara’s name. Red with frustration, Kyle sought to argue. Realizing some major drama was about to develop, the nurse asked:
“Can I have Cla? I mean, the infant back? Later when things calm down, I’ll bring her back in.
Standing strong as I said “NO,” the weight of my choice clear-cut, my newborn sheltered from the spectacle playing out. Sarah spoke, then Kyle grabbed hold of her arm.
They left a wake of confused nurses and a very exhausted new mother as they rushed from the hospital.
Days then weeks, and the problem seemed to simmer down. Still, Kyle and Sarah declared they had decided to call their daughter Paxtyn. The name came out flat between us during a strained family dinner. My unconscious grimace started a firestorm.
“It is your fault!” Sarah accused, her voice edged with bitterness. “You ruin the only name I liked too! You stole it!”
” Would you kindly quit yelling? I urged her: “My baby is trying to sleep in the other room.”
Kyle, caught between us, worked to heal relationships. “Mom, would you kindly review it? Only to maintain peace? His eyes begged for some give-back.
But it seemed wrong to change my daughter’s name to please them. “I cannot believe you would ask me to rename my child,” I said to him, not losing any sense of irony in the circumstances. “First, my child arrived before yours.”
Second, you folks NEVER mentioned wanting to call your child that.”
Dinner ended then and there, though, since we couldn come to an agreement.
Their threats become more severe over the next three days. Kyle said over the phone, “You have two months to fix this.”
He seemed to be suggesting that I ought to have renamed his daughter by the time she was born. Sarah snatched hold of the phone. “We’ll call your granddaughter Paxtyn and I’ll enjoy it when I tell my friends her ridiculous name!” she remarked.
The nerve of this young woman astounded me. She said she loves HER daughter less than she hates ME. “You are ready to have her laughed at for the rest of her life to punish ME?” I asked skeptically.
I asked my kid whether he even liked the Paxtyn name when he grabbed back the phone, and he hung up!
Frustrated, I texted Sarah, trying maybe foolishly to extend an olive branch. I lied, “I’ve been considering it and I sort of like the name Paxtyn.”
Her answer was quick and nasty. ‘To heck with you!’
That book stopped not only the discussion but also my financial support of them. Though it was a hard line to draw, respect and sanity demanded it. Over a name—especially one that mattered so much to me—I refused to be blackmailed.
I kept Clara close in the still that followed. Her childlike eyes span the adult complexity whirling around her without understanding. I murmured pledges of love and protection, a commitment to keep her world as joyful and pure as might be.
Regarding Kyle and Sarah, our distance apart widened. They decided to maintain Paxtyn, a continual reminder of the divide. Still, I am hopeful despite the suffering. Time, I think, heals and educates equally.
They might know why I had to be firm someday. Right now, I concentrate on Clara, my unanticipated gift, and let the tempest of that year gently fade into memory.
Although Kyle’s mother had to set some limits and ground rules, her connection with her son did not turn out well. Ella sadly experienced the same circumstances with her daughter, but she fell pregnant. The expectant daughter broke her mother’s confidence, which strained their relationship.