My spouse often promotes his sister-in-law as the perfect person. He talks about her even after she’s gone. I feel dreadful compared to her. I gave him a lesson that almost made him cry.
Jerry and I have been married almost four years. While our lives have been hectic, we’ve maintained our love and raised two wonderful children.
In addition to disputes, Jerry does one thing that frustrates me. Whether he does this on purpose or has a low EQ, my husband knows it annoys me yet does it nevertheless.
His sister-in-law’s bottom glows like sunlight, he thinks. He considers her a goddess of perfection. Nothing she says or does is wrong. Jerry talks about her for three to four days after visiting her, like he’s in a trance. He praises everything she does.
He is not cheating, as one might imagine. Besides our meetings, they don’t talk. Does he love her? Unsure, but he’s inconsiderate to my feelings.
Grace, his sister-in-law, married Jerry’s brother Martin. She’s always been the perfect homemaker—three kids, clean house, cooked food. Somehow, she always looks polished. She makes motherhood look easy.
Always respected her, never competed. I became exhausted by Jerry’s continual admiration of her. One of our recent trips got to me, so I punished my hubby.
We saw their newborn last weekend. I swear he focused more on her and the baby than me or our kids. She looked great, the place was immaculate, and the meal was amazing.
Wow, Grace! Nobody would guess you gave birth. You look great!” he enthused as we entered their home.
She cooked the bread and remembered our favorite dishes and sweets, which he appreciated. “You are superwoman,” he replied. “Definitely limited edition.” He ignored my repeated “enough” pleas. Grace laughed and accepted the compliments.
She noticed I no longer liked Jerry’s adulation. She tried to complement me, but my spouse didn’t hear.
After returning home, the praise persisted. “Honey, isn’t Grace fantastic at managing three kids and keeping their home clean? That woman takes what?!” I tried to change the topic several times and showed my irritation. Jerry persisted like he couldn’t take a hint.
I’m done. Yesterday, when we visited his sister-in-law again, I switched roles. I applied it thickly when we arrived. Martin cooked on their patio barbecue. “Isn’t Martin amazing?” I told Jerry’s sister-in-law. He’s so helpful. Additionally, he hasn’t developed dad bod. Incredible guy.”
My husband was surprised, and his sister-in-law’s eyes widened. But I continued. “He is so fit in his 40s!” Martin was fit and gym-goer. Also, he watched his diet.
I ignored the growing tension and continued. I complimented their new patio decor before leaving. “Did you build those, Martin?” You have golden hands. I joked that Jerry can’t screw in a light bulb.
All the compliments made my brother-in-law Martin smile. However, Grace, his wife, and Jerry, my husband, looked embarrassed. Jerry fidgeted and turned red.
Jerry, who had hair issues and was becoming bald, ran to our car when I said Martin’s hair was great.
Excuse me, I pursued him. He was nearly crying in our automobile. “Okay, I understand,” he said. “My brother is better than me in everything, so why did you marry me then?”
Jerry said he’s always been compared to his brother. However, hearing it from me hurt more. He then accused me of loving his brother, which I laughed at.
I inhaled and said, “I just did the same thing you’ve been doing to me for the last few years.”
“What do you mean?” he said.
“You always laud Grace in front of me. Even outside their home, you talk about her because you’re obsessed. You make her goddess-like! Maybe YOU love her!”
A moment of silence followed by a sudden drive home. After a pleasant evening, he retired to bed early.
He brought me flowers and an apology the next morning. “I’m sorry, Penelope,” he said. I valued Grace’s cleaning talents because I struggled to balance work and housework. I wasn’t comparing her to you. I compared her to me.”
He continued, “I feel like a bad husband when it comes to housework and wish I could be more like her. But I didn’t understand my words moved you. I will be a better husband and pay more attention.”
He seemed remorseful and about to cry as I held the bouquet. Part of me wanted to trust, forgive, and go on. But another part of me was still hurting from months of second-best.
The following weeks were a mix of cautious optimism and skepticism. Jerry made minor modifications. He helped more around the house, planned surprise date evenings, and most importantly, thanked me for everything.
Maybe what he said was accurate, but my husband’s feelings indicated I did or didn’t do something. Was I failing to appreciate him? Was he indifferent to my feelings?
Another husband makes his wife feel great, unlike Jerry. He changed at 50 into the man she fell in love with.