I began my adventure in difficult circumstances. My life changed drastically when my mother was ill and my father left us when I was sixteen. In order to overcome these obstacles, I went into the labor early and got a job at a nearby hair salon.
I started off as an entry-level employee, doing everything from floor cleaning to shampooing customers. But I never wavered in my goal, and with time, I progressed by pure willpower and diligence, finally becoming a well-known hairstylist.
It was at this time of development and commitment that Stan and I met at a music festival. He came from a totally different background than mine and was a Yale law graduate.
Stan sometimes disregarded the intelligence and originality needed in my field of work as a hairstylist, even in spite of my professional accomplishments.
Over dinner with Stan and his law school buddies, this underlying disrespect was revealed. When I offered my opinion during a conversation about a current subject, Stan shot me down with a snide remark before I could finish.
He interrupted me before I could finish my sentence with the condescending, “Don’t bother asking Kathy; she’s just a hairdresser.” You do realize that she isn’t into this things, honey? Not only did his comments make me feel ashamed, but they also made me reevaluate the basis of our relationship.
I threw a dinner party and invited a wide range of my clientele, including eminent artists and wealthy business owners, in an effort to confront this contempt. Stan had no idea that the supper would disprove his preconceptions about my line of work.
Our discussions throughout the evening shed light on the importance and impact of my work as a hairstylist.
The pivotal moment occurred when a well-known company executive publicly conveyed his appreciation for the confidence my services had given him, highlighting the importance of my line of work.
Stan was even more shocked to learn that his boss, Mrs. Williams, was one of my clients. “Honey, tell me about Mrs. Williams. I work for her. He exclaimed, “I have to introduce myself; this could be my chance for a promotion.” I then led him over to where Mrs. Williams was having a conversation with some women.
“Hi there, ladies It has been my pleasure to present my fiancé to you. It’s Stan here. Sweetheart, please be kind with him; he’s an assistant and he gets a little tense around strong women, don’t you think? I spoke in a soft voice.
Stan was clearly nervous and unsettled. “No, no, I’m a graduate of Yale Law. He began, “I’ve been with your firm for two years, and I’m hoping to become a junior partner soon, and I—” to which the women responded with a patronizing smirk that made him look like a conceited little boy before they carried on with their conversation.
Stan felt the same kind of devaluation and shame that he had put me through before because of this role reversal. Later he came to me, overcome with embarrassment and rage.
I made it clear that my intention was to treat him with respect, as all professions should, not to embarrass him. Stan had a major epiphany as a result of this episode, and he expressed regret for his actions.
His apologies, however sincere, was unable to erase the realization that the event had shown a pervasive lack of regard for one another in our relationship. I returned Stan’s engagement ring with much grief, realizing that mutual respect and understanding were essential for our relationship to grow.
With this commitment, I started a new chapter in my life that will be guided by respect for myself and appreciation from others in all of my relationships.