This type of behavior is often referred to as “phishing for conflict.” These people are often attention seekers who thrive off of the drama that comes with being the victim.
They may make up stories or exaggerate incidents to make themselves seem like the hero or the victim of a situation. They may also spread gossip, twist facts, and create false narratives to make themselves look good in the eyes of others.
Just like in this story we have here today. OP recently accepted a gift from J, a friend at work, which was offered to multiple people.
At the end of the week, the friend group went out for dinner, including P. P was excited about the gift, and J did not mention that they had offered it to multiple people.
At the end of the night, J asked OP if they wanted to get the gift out of the car. When OP returned with the gift, P ran up to them and said, “Thanks for getting my gift for me!” to which OP replied, “It’s mine.”
P asked if OP was being serious, and OP responded in a serious tone. After OP left, P texted them at 1 am, saying they were embarrassed by OP’s tone. OP then had a discussion with P the next day, in which P said OP had spoken to them like a dog.
Two friends of OP said they did not think OP had been rude, though they did have a serious tone. After everyone had left, P informed J of how OP had been rude, asked for the gift, and should apologize.
As a result, the friend group has begun to exclude P from events. Read the full story below:
OP asks:
OP recently accepted a gift from J, a friend at work, which was offered to multiple people.
t the end of the week, the friend group went out for dinner, including P
P was excited about the gift, and J did not mention that they had offered it to multiple people.
At the end of the night, J asked OP if they wanted to get the gift out of the car.
After OP left, P texted them at 1am, saying they were embarrassed by OP’s tone
OP then had a discussion with P the next day, in which P said OP had spoken to them like a dog.
The saga continues:
OP concludes:
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:
There’s a piece of information missing from the post.
But even if that is the case…
OP replied:
Made it more confusing
OP replied:
Does it make more sense now:
Absolutely…
The bottom line is:
OP’s experience demonstrated the importance of being aware of the tone of your words, especially when communicating with friends. Although OP’s tone was not as extreme as P described, OP’s friends were still able to recognize the seriousness of it.
In the end, it was the group’s decision to exclude P from events, showing that their friendship is more important than any misunderstanding. The best way to deal with someone who is phishing for conflict is to avoid engaging with them.
If they are trying to draw you into an argument or drama, remain calm and don’t get drawn in. Instead, focus on resolving the issue in a peaceful and respectful manner.