When the OP informed her 26-year-old boyfriend of eight months about her decision, he reacted strongly against it, asserting that he has a right to decide since it is his child. This disagreement escalated when the boyfriend involved his mother, leading to the OP receiving intense pressure and accusations. The OP now faces conflict from her partner and his family while trying to maintain her decision, questioning if she is justified in proceeding with the abortion despite their objections.
Ok so here’s the situation. I (24F) found out I’m pregnant a few weeks ago, and to be honest, I’m not ready to have a kid. Like, AT ALL. I’m still in school, working part-time, and barely making ends meet.
I’m on birth control, but I guess it failed. My boyfriend (26M) and I have only been together for about 8 months, and while I care about him, we’re not in some perfect, fairy-tale relationship or anything.
When I told him I was pregnant, he completely freaked out.
At first, I thought he’d be relieved because we’ve both talked about not being ready for kids, but instead, he was like, “You can’t just get rid of it. That’s our baby.” I was shocked because this is the same guy who said he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted kids at all.
I told him straight up that I was planning to get an abortion because I don’t want to bring a child into this world when I’m not financially or emotionally ready.
He started yelling about how I was “killing his child” and how he has a say in this too. He even accused me of being “heartless” and said I was just doing it because I didn’t care about him or his feelings.
Now he’s been trying to guilt-trip me nonstop.
He told his mom about it (which I think is SO out of line), and now she’s blowing up my phone, calling me a murderer and saying I’m going to regret this for the rest of my life. I told him it’s MY body and MY choice, and he said, “Well, it’s my baby too, so I should get a say.”
I feel like I’m being manipulated.
I know what’s best for me and my future, and I don’t think it’s fair for him to try and force me into something I don’t want. But now some of my friends are saying I’m being too cold and that I should’ve been more “sensitive” when I told him.
Like, sorry, but how do you delicately say, “I don’t want to have your baby?”
AITA for standing my ground and saying I’m getting an abortion no matter what he says?
Conclusion
The OP is currently facing significant emotional pressure and guilt from her boyfriend and his mother, who oppose her decision to have an abortion based on their view that the fetus is ‘their baby.’ The core conflict centers on the OP’s insistence on bodily autonomy versus the partner’s claim to shared parental rights over the pregnancy outcome.
The situation forces a debate over where the ultimate decision-making authority lies in an unwanted pregnancy when partners disagree. Readers must consider whether the OP’s control over her body and future outweighs the partner’s desire to continue the pregnancy, even if he claims shared responsibility for the resulting child.
Here’s how people reacted:
The fact that your boyfriend suddenly changed his stance on having kids and is now trying to manipulate you into keeping the pregnancy is unfair to you. It’s also deeply inappropriate for him to involve his mom in such a personal matter.
It’s understandable that this is a difficult conversation, but you’ve already made it clear what you need to do for your own life, and you shouldn’t feel bad for making a decision that aligns with your values and what you feel is best for you.
From what i hear pregnancy itself doesnt bother you, it is essentially being a single-mom. Id agree with the bf that it is his child: make a bulletproof legal agreement that once the child is born you immediately give up your parental rights and have nothing to do with the baby; he is a single parent. I’d also expect him to cover your costs while carrying HIS baby. I bet if you offer him that 90% chance he will back off. It is easy to be a dad, it is extremely difficult to be a single dad.
But if you dont want to go this route, it is fine too. As you said it is your body in the end. I’d suggest blocking those guys and moving on (and please going forward pick partners with whom you can feel safe to have a kid and generally rely on!).
Technically he is right, you are “killing his baby” hence this really needs careful consideration…
I think the “MY body and MY choice” idea IS the manipulation… It makes people believe babies are disposable… The truth is the very MOMENT you start having sex, you GIVE UP your body, literally. Because you give it away to the chance of eventually sharing it with another human. Hence, now it is not YOUR body anymore, you are now sharing it with your son or daughter. From now forward whatever you do, you are a mother. This happened and there is nothing you can do. Aborting will just make you lose your child. You will still be a mother and this will never change. The day you will have babies, you will exactly understand what that means.
Would you be willing to carry the pregnancy if he takes custody? If so, get it in writing – he pays all medical bills and takes custody. He forfeits child support and possibly pays you to be a surrogate. It’ll make him put his money where he claims morals.
There was a similar situation where they agreed, dad took the baby, and mom stepped away. He was pissed that mom was only paying child support (extra too, not just the minimum) and got to keep living. He wanted to force 50/50 custody. (Does anyone else remember enough to find a link?)
Yes, he is entitled to his feelings.
The baby is NOT your body. You are selfish. You had sex, this was a possible consequence. The right thing to do would be NOT to kill your child, and if you don’t want them, let the father raised them.
“pro choice” people are in denial about all this. You are killing a human being. You can hide your selfish intentions behind a bunch of “reasons” but at the end of the day, it’s still murder.
Enjoy your conscience in the years to come!
YTA.
It sounds like you know exactly the decision that’s best for you. And ultimately, this dude has no commitment to you. Any that come after you told him are probably just persuasion tactics.
Ask him if he is prepared to raise this child alone. When his answer is no, you know you are right.
If his answer is yes, get the paperwork ready to sign your parental rights away, give birth and walk away.
I’m pro life, but I wont tell you what to do with your child. There are plenty of options though, and I do hope you look into them.
I get that it doesn’t work for you but if he wants to make it work for him why would that not be ok?
It’s your body, not his. Pregnancy is a medical condition until you bring a child to term. A child would be his too, but a pregnancy is yours alone.
Do not make the horrific error of changing your mind because you’ve been pressured into it.
Other men are available.
I wouldn’t stay with such a rubbish partner.
Get the abortion NOW- as in yesterday, my dear- and get far away from these people.
NTA. Do you have a good support system?
Nobody should force you into parenthood. There’s no guarantee he’d even stick around so you’re potentially facing life as a single parent which is really really hard.
I’ll be willing to bet everything that if you keep the baby you will be raising it as a single mother.
His responsibility no matter what financially if she has the kid
Wow what a world
He is showing you he is a manipulator and a mommas boy
Abort the unwanted pregnancy and the relationship. You’ll be much better off.